"you only make enough money to sit and feed your own ass!"
My alarm every morning is "I'm Alive" by Celine Dion, her little humming at the beginning, and you all need to know this because let me tell you, I have become SO much less of a bitch in the morning because of it. No, for real. Sometimes? There is even a, dare I say, smile on my face in the first second I become conscious. That is almost sick. Don't tell anyone.
Work today, blah blah, we get like 1000 calls a day now because we're trying to clean up our database so we sent out like thousands of letters and nobody knows who the fuck we are or what it's for. ALSO, dumb call of the day - I answer the phone: "[insert company], how may I help you?" Caller: "Yeah, is this [INSERT SAME COMPANY THAT I JUST FUCKING SAID]?" LIKE, ARE YOU SERIOUS. I JUST... I just said that. But oh my god, there's this guy, Barry, who calls, and I get SO EXCITED when I see his name on the caller ID because HE IS ALWAYS SO ENERGETIC AND NICE AND FUN AND OBSESSED WITH ALLITERATION AND ADJECTIVES. Ilhim. And also, one of our representatives, Brook. He comes in all the time and we like, yell at each other and then today he was QUOTING REN & STIMPY AT ME OUT OF NOWHERE. IT WAS AMAZING. The company ordered lunch for us today, it was the most kickass work lunch I have ever had, it was from a deli and everything was perfect and oh my god, I ate so much.
THEN! When I got back from lunch, I found a card addressed to me stuck in my keyboard. It was so sweet, apparently today was some... IDK what it technically was, but it was basically Some Really PC Way Of Saying 'Secretary's Day (and don't even get me started on PC bullshit - why can't people say the word "secretary"? GOD I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THAT SHIT LATELY. Everyone just needs to relax). So it was this really classy pink thank you card with metallic things in it and a gift card and IDK, it just really made my day because I mean, I haven't been there THAT long and never would have even thought about it.
Then I joined a gym. It was kind of spontaneous. But no, it was an issue when I was all fucking sore today FROM THE CLAY WHEEL (btw I was SO productive and I MADE A FRIEND, I will write about it later because I want it to be locked, note to self). Like, it is inexcusable for me to be that out of shape. I don't care about weight, I'd like to maintain it actually, I just want to get toned a little. IDK. I'm not too fussed and also, it's something to do and CAN I JUST TELL YOU THAT I SORT OF LOVE THE FEELING OF BEING SORE? IDK. Trufax. So today, my mom and I went and just ran on the elliptical for a half hour and it was nice. They had a few flatscreen TVs up on the wall and SO I GOT THE BRILL PLAN OF GOING AT NIGHT SO I CAN WATCH MY SHOWS WHILE I WORK OUT. A+. I am excited for this plan.
My mom's car window motor thing broke, so my dad had to come and fix it and then we all went out to dinner. NO, but okay, so he came and got the car keys and went out there, and I asked my mom why they were being all weird. LOLLLL, they had sex this weekend. Now, this has happened a couple of post-divorce times before, and they've never gotten weird about it so I didn't get it but she told me that this most recent time, he was all shy and shit and I was like, "OMG PROBABLY BECAUSE IT MEANT SOMETHING." She said it was different, yeah, like they were almost on a date or something. Cute. BTW, she also informed me that my father was "dying over Lisa Edelstein" because my huge LE poster is in her room still from when Gemma was here (we bring in all of my Lisa/fandom artifacts to help decorate our nest). So like, yeah, lol, I want a post-coital conversation in which myself and the guy I just fucked sit and talk about how gorgeous Lisa Edelstein is.
He fixed the car and we all went out to dinner and we had so much fun, we laughed so much, and my grandma was talking about how she like, apparently threw her checkbook out with the trash (lol, what) and was all ~concerned~ and my dad didn't get it so my mom was like, "*sigh*, she thinks she has ~dementia~." AND JUST THE WAY SHE SAID IT, I FUCKIN DIED. Then we went to Dairy Queen because they had 25 CENT BLIZZARDS, BASICALLY, so I needed a banana pie one. Except normally I get Oreo. IDK. Btw, American Idol was on at the restaurant and I'm pretty sure I saw David Duchovny for half a second - can anyone either confirm or deny this? IDK. Also, sucks for them because if Paula would have been there and I'd have seen footage of her hugging poor unfortunate children and hitting them with her light, I probably would have had no choice but to donate mass amounts of money.
Work today, blah blah, we get like 1000 calls a day now because we're trying to clean up our database so we sent out like thousands of letters and nobody knows who the fuck we are or what it's for. ALSO, dumb call of the day - I answer the phone: "[insert company], how may I help you?" Caller: "Yeah, is this [INSERT SAME COMPANY THAT I JUST FUCKING SAID]?" LIKE, ARE YOU SERIOUS. I JUST... I just said that. But oh my god, there's this guy, Barry, who calls, and I get SO EXCITED when I see his name on the caller ID because HE IS ALWAYS SO ENERGETIC AND NICE AND FUN AND OBSESSED WITH ALLITERATION AND ADJECTIVES. Ilhim. And also, one of our representatives, Brook. He comes in all the time and we like, yell at each other and then today he was QUOTING REN & STIMPY AT ME OUT OF NOWHERE. IT WAS AMAZING. The company ordered lunch for us today, it was the most kickass work lunch I have ever had, it was from a deli and everything was perfect and oh my god, I ate so much.
THEN! When I got back from lunch, I found a card addressed to me stuck in my keyboard. It was so sweet, apparently today was some... IDK what it technically was, but it was basically Some Really PC Way Of Saying 'Secretary's Day (and don't even get me started on PC bullshit - why can't people say the word "secretary"? GOD I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THAT SHIT LATELY. Everyone just needs to relax). So it was this really classy pink thank you card with metallic things in it and a gift card and IDK, it just really made my day because I mean, I haven't been there THAT long and never would have even thought about it.
Then I joined a gym. It was kind of spontaneous. But no, it was an issue when I was all fucking sore today FROM THE CLAY WHEEL (btw I was SO productive and I MADE A FRIEND, I will write about it later because I want it to be locked, note to self). Like, it is inexcusable for me to be that out of shape. I don't care about weight, I'd like to maintain it actually, I just want to get toned a little. IDK. I'm not too fussed and also, it's something to do and CAN I JUST TELL YOU THAT I SORT OF LOVE THE FEELING OF BEING SORE? IDK. Trufax. So today, my mom and I went and just ran on the elliptical for a half hour and it was nice. They had a few flatscreen TVs up on the wall and SO I GOT THE BRILL PLAN OF GOING AT NIGHT SO I CAN WATCH MY SHOWS WHILE I WORK OUT. A+. I am excited for this plan.
My mom's car window motor thing broke, so my dad had to come and fix it and then we all went out to dinner. NO, but okay, so he came and got the car keys and went out there, and I asked my mom why they were being all weird. LOLLLL, they had sex this weekend. Now, this has happened a couple of post-divorce times before, and they've never gotten weird about it so I didn't get it but she told me that this most recent time, he was all shy and shit and I was like, "OMG PROBABLY BECAUSE IT MEANT SOMETHING." She said it was different, yeah, like they were almost on a date or something. Cute. BTW, she also informed me that my father was "dying over Lisa Edelstein" because my huge LE poster is in her room still from when Gemma was here (we bring in all of my Lisa/fandom artifacts to help decorate our nest). So like, yeah, lol, I want a post-coital conversation in which myself and the guy I just fucked sit and talk about how gorgeous Lisa Edelstein is.
He fixed the car and we all went out to dinner and we had so much fun, we laughed so much, and my grandma was talking about how she like, apparently threw her checkbook out with the trash (lol, what) and was all ~concerned~ and my dad didn't get it so my mom was like, "*sigh*, she thinks she has ~dementia~." AND JUST THE WAY SHE SAID IT, I FUCKIN DIED. Then we went to Dairy Queen because they had 25 CENT BLIZZARDS, BASICALLY, so I needed a banana pie one. Except normally I get Oreo. IDK. Btw, American Idol was on at the restaurant and I'm pretty sure I saw David Duchovny for half a second - can anyone either confirm or deny this? IDK. Also, sucks for them because if Paula would have been there and I'd have seen footage of her hugging poor unfortunate children and hitting them with her light, I probably would have had no choice but to donate mass amounts of money.