"why is my area wet?!?! wait, that didn't come out right."
Today was fine. Work was work, I never know what to say about work because I know nobody would know what I was talking about anyway lol. WinOPS and IRAs and just... crap, idk. I hardly got any mail, even. Mail is the best part of my day, you guys, I love mail. I especially love stuffing envelopes and sticking labels on them and then using the fun water-licker thing to seal them. I had a conversation with Kristin at the baby shower (D had a little girl, btw, and she's a totally perfect little thing) about how we love the taste of envelopes. Is this weird? Everyone else there thought we were weird. Anyway. Point is, I'd lick them all at work but 1.) that is not very profesh, and 2.) I'd probably run out of saliva and I need that to eat. Speaking of eating (look at all of these effortless lead-ins, goddamn), we had an amazing lunch today. Every Wednesday, we have someone come in a do a presentation and we always order out for lunch. Annnd today there was pasta and amazing salad and bread and then, the highlight of my life, APPLE PIZZA. And let me explain, because my RL friends were so confused when I tried to tell them this - they legit thought it was like, apples cut up and laid in marinara sauce. "HOW CAN THAT EVEN POSSIBLY TASTE OKAY." No, guys, it was like ~dessert pizza~, no worries. It was kind of like apple pie except about 10 times better because I only "like" apple pie but I "LOVE"D this, to the point where I just kept saying "OH MY GOD. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP." over and over again.
I got paid a day early because Tracy is thoughtful and knows I won't be in tomorrow so she got it done early so I could take it today. ♥ Guys, I'm buying two things with it. 1.) this bra that you can hide 25 oz of liquor in, the Winerack, lmao, and 2.) Adam Lambert tickets for when he comes here this summer. Okay. Gaga AND Adam in one fucking summer, I literally do not have enough heartspace for it. But on the bright side, I could probably wear the same crazy rhinestoned get-up to both shows, so... that's a win I GUESS. OH, NEVERMIND THE FACT THAT I GET TO SEE BOTH OF THOSE TWO CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERS IRL. THAT IS THE BIGGEST WIN OF ALL.
After work I felt like ass, I was legit concerned that I might actually throw up and I really didn't want to so I took a nap and people were like, "Oh, you're taking a nap? Does that mean you don't want to be woken up for dinner?" - "No thanks, no, don't." I GOT WOKEN UP FOR DINNER. "Do you want some french bread with butter on it?" NO!!! Okay she's lucky because that was probably the only thing in the world I would have said yes to. She knows me like a book - I got up for french bread.
Then I went out for Mette's birthday, we just went out to dinner and then bowling but it was a lot of fun because I got to meet some of her friends and they're hilarious and it's like because I get along with Mette, I get along with all of them by default. Also I died because we're just eating and this girl Abby goes, "So I got a Brazilian yesterday. It's swollen." and then something happened and she was all, "Okay, so anyway, back to my vagina..." LMAO LMAO. And the girls at the table next to us, they were trying to teach each other how to kiss boys and we absolutely fucking died. OH MY GOD AND OUR WAITRESS SUCKED. Jamie says to her,"*points at Met* It's her birthday.... so... *gestures around her head*", like, expecting a dessert or something. The waitress just goes all deadpan and emotionless - "happy birthday." IT WAS HILARIOUS. Jamie was like, "Does she get ice cream or anything?" ... "Yeah, how about a Chocolate Mousse shooter. And I hope you don't want us to sing to you because there are only like three of us working, so..." LOL SDKLFHSALFHKADLS LOL IDEK. IT WAS SO FUNNY, SHE WAS SUCH A BITCH.
Then we went bowling. And the guy working was a TOTAL TOOL because it was like, us 5, and then two guys on another lane, and that was pretty much it in the entire alley, and we asked him to put on Cosmic bowling for her birthday and HE WOULDN'T. LIKE HE WAS FUCKING SB ABOUT IT. Loosen up, if I worked at a bowling alley, I'd totally do that for someone's birthday if it was that empty. Like, nobody would have died if you would have done us a solid. It was really fun even though I sucked ass tonight. Honestly, I'm pretty decent at bowling, I'm usually always the best bowler out of my friends but I didn't win even once tonight. But we started dicking around anyway so I didn't even care. Doing dance moves and granny throws and what the fuck ever. Oh, and the cutest thing, I have to write it down so I don't forget it ever - I was sitting at the table, Mette bowled, and when she came back, she didn't say anything and just put her hand on my shoulder and started rubbing my back for no reason at all and it was the sweetest thing ever. Later she asked me about my new swimsuit because I wrote about it on her wall the other day but then I deleted it because Tony started creeping it on her facebook and it bugged (lol this sentence is so ridiculous - are we in middle school or something? idek). So we were talking about him and then my phone rang and IT WAS HIM. ARE YOU KIDDING. I got all paranoid that he could telepathically hear us talking about him or something. No.
"Hi sweetheart! How are you?!" / "Hi! I'm good!" / "Are you busy?" / "LOL, I'm bowling." / "Oh, well I have a Photoshop question..." LOL. He wanted to change text color. And I was trying to do everything from memory and it's so hard because he had no idea what I was talking about ever. "Um, you highlight it and click a color?" / "I can't click it." / "Oh, is the layer rasterized, then?" / ".... I. don't? know? What does that mean." LOL. "It's just this really gross purple, Liss, I need to fix it." / "OH. Okay. Ctrl + U and do you see a Hue/Saturation/Lightness slider? Just change the hue or whatever else you want to change, you can get any color you want." (meanwhile everyone is looking at me confused as fuck but also amused that I'm yelling out computer commands in the middle of a bowling alley) / "... oh my god. I am so attracted to you." / "Does that mean it's working?" / "YES." / "Good. DO YOU HAVE A BONER NOW?" / "I DO HAVE A BONER." lmao. OH GOD AND THEN I FREAKED OUT BECAUSE MY NEW PHONE? YEAH, ERASED ALL MY FUCKING TEXT MESSAGES. I managed to get them back but this should not be happening, the fucker is brand new. Fuck you, Nokia.
I didn't have class on Tuesday because it was ~Success Day~. I was going to go to all of these fun seminars but then I decided that sleep was more successful and important so I just slept. I do not regret this. Matt asked how it was so we were talking about it and he couldn't go because he had to work, coincidentally near a crime scene downtown. I was jeal. He informed me today though that he couldn't work there because it was raining. Then we had a dispute over what chalk outlines were actually made out of, paint or chalk. I googled things and found out that they apparently don't do that in real-life? And then I got legit depressed because I've been living under a false assumption for years. And I think about the time I faked a crime scene back when my mother owned a dance store, it was brilliant but now it's just inaccurate. Fuck. I am irrationally upset about this.
I got paid a day early because Tracy is thoughtful and knows I won't be in tomorrow so she got it done early so I could take it today. ♥ Guys, I'm buying two things with it. 1.) this bra that you can hide 25 oz of liquor in, the Winerack, lmao, and 2.) Adam Lambert tickets for when he comes here this summer. Okay. Gaga AND Adam in one fucking summer, I literally do not have enough heartspace for it. But on the bright side, I could probably wear the same crazy rhinestoned get-up to both shows, so... that's a win I GUESS. OH, NEVERMIND THE FACT THAT I GET TO SEE BOTH OF THOSE TWO CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERS IRL. THAT IS THE BIGGEST WIN OF ALL.
After work I felt like ass, I was legit concerned that I might actually throw up and I really didn't want to so I took a nap and people were like, "Oh, you're taking a nap? Does that mean you don't want to be woken up for dinner?" - "No thanks, no, don't." I GOT WOKEN UP FOR DINNER. "Do you want some french bread with butter on it?" NO!!! Okay she's lucky because that was probably the only thing in the world I would have said yes to. She knows me like a book - I got up for french bread.
Then I went out for Mette's birthday, we just went out to dinner and then bowling but it was a lot of fun because I got to meet some of her friends and they're hilarious and it's like because I get along with Mette, I get along with all of them by default. Also I died because we're just eating and this girl Abby goes, "So I got a Brazilian yesterday. It's swollen." and then something happened and she was all, "Okay, so anyway, back to my vagina..." LMAO LMAO. And the girls at the table next to us, they were trying to teach each other how to kiss boys and we absolutely fucking died. OH MY GOD AND OUR WAITRESS SUCKED. Jamie says to her,"*points at Met* It's her birthday.... so... *gestures around her head*", like, expecting a dessert or something. The waitress just goes all deadpan and emotionless - "happy birthday." IT WAS HILARIOUS. Jamie was like, "Does she get ice cream or anything?" ... "Yeah, how about a Chocolate Mousse shooter. And I hope you don't want us to sing to you because there are only like three of us working, so..." LOL SDKLFHSALFHKADLS LOL IDEK. IT WAS SO FUNNY, SHE WAS SUCH A BITCH.
Then we went bowling. And the guy working was a TOTAL TOOL because it was like, us 5, and then two guys on another lane, and that was pretty much it in the entire alley, and we asked him to put on Cosmic bowling for her birthday and HE WOULDN'T. LIKE HE WAS FUCKING SB ABOUT IT. Loosen up, if I worked at a bowling alley, I'd totally do that for someone's birthday if it was that empty. Like, nobody would have died if you would have done us a solid. It was really fun even though I sucked ass tonight. Honestly, I'm pretty decent at bowling, I'm usually always the best bowler out of my friends but I didn't win even once tonight. But we started dicking around anyway so I didn't even care. Doing dance moves and granny throws and what the fuck ever. Oh, and the cutest thing, I have to write it down so I don't forget it ever - I was sitting at the table, Mette bowled, and when she came back, she didn't say anything and just put her hand on my shoulder and started rubbing my back for no reason at all and it was the sweetest thing ever. Later she asked me about my new swimsuit because I wrote about it on her wall the other day but then I deleted it because Tony started creeping it on her facebook and it bugged (lol this sentence is so ridiculous - are we in middle school or something? idek). So we were talking about him and then my phone rang and IT WAS HIM. ARE YOU KIDDING. I got all paranoid that he could telepathically hear us talking about him or something. No.
"Hi sweetheart! How are you?!" / "Hi! I'm good!" / "Are you busy?" / "LOL, I'm bowling." / "Oh, well I have a Photoshop question..." LOL. He wanted to change text color. And I was trying to do everything from memory and it's so hard because he had no idea what I was talking about ever. "Um, you highlight it and click a color?" / "I can't click it." / "Oh, is the layer rasterized, then?" / ".... I. don't? know? What does that mean." LOL. "It's just this really gross purple, Liss, I need to fix it." / "OH. Okay. Ctrl + U and do you see a Hue/Saturation/Lightness slider? Just change the hue or whatever else you want to change, you can get any color you want." (meanwhile everyone is looking at me confused as fuck but also amused that I'm yelling out computer commands in the middle of a bowling alley) / "... oh my god. I am so attracted to you." / "Does that mean it's working?" / "YES." / "Good. DO YOU HAVE A BONER NOW?" / "I DO HAVE A BONER." lmao. OH GOD AND THEN I FREAKED OUT BECAUSE MY NEW PHONE? YEAH, ERASED ALL MY FUCKING TEXT MESSAGES. I managed to get them back but this should not be happening, the fucker is brand new. Fuck you, Nokia.
I didn't have class on Tuesday because it was ~Success Day~. I was going to go to all of these fun seminars but then I decided that sleep was more successful and important so I just slept. I do not regret this. Matt asked how it was so we were talking about it and he couldn't go because he had to work, coincidentally near a crime scene downtown. I was jeal. He informed me today though that he couldn't work there because it was raining. Then we had a dispute over what chalk outlines were actually made out of, paint or chalk. I googled things and found out that they apparently don't do that in real-life? And then I got legit depressed because I've been living under a false assumption for years. And I think about the time I faked a crime scene back when my mother owned a dance store, it was brilliant but now it's just inaccurate. Fuck. I am irrationally upset about this.