my timing is off, just gotta be brave enough
I am so sick of work. I get told two conflicting things on like, every single issue and I'm getting so sick of nobody knowing the right way to do anything.
ANYWAY. I was in the clay studio for 5 hours today because bad news - my "box"/sculpture thing? YEAH, IT KEEPS FALLING OVER. THERE IS TOO MUCH WEIGHT IN THE BACK. So IDEK what I'm going to do to fix that because I don't want to change how it looks at all, adding a foot in the back or more weight in the front would ruin it and god, god, FML. But here is a photo of it because I said I'd show you (BTW that shit on the bottom of it is not part of it, I just molded shit there to keep it steady while I smoothed it).
We had a demonstration on Tuesday - we're making salt & pepper shakers next. lol. That'll be interesting. BUT OH MY GOD I DIED BECAUSE, okay, Matt was bored during it because he'd already seen this demo and Laz wouldn't let him leave, so he was footing his stuff and just dicking around and all of the sudden I look over and see that he'd scraped "Jesus Christ was here! =)" onto the bottom of his bowl. I. died. Oh god and embarrassment - he was talking to his friend and then turned to me and said "Are you humming?" but I THOUGHT he said "Are you COMING" (to presumably whatever he was talking to his friend about, some event or something, I thought), so I said, "Am I coming? No. What?" He gave me a pervy look and I realized the second it came out of my mouth but it was too late. YEAH, he then announced to the entire room that I was not, at present, coming. I turned about 50 shades of red. I still have so much shit to do in that class, ugh. And I have shit to say but I want it to be locked so I'll do it later, if ever.
SO YEAH, I made a new box today (it's actually a box this time, THREE, ACTUALLY), it is nothing special, I'm only doing it for the grade, which sucks, but is okay because I already have what I consider my "baby" for that project that I now have complete freedom over, which is nice. I'm also hoping that I get good at throwing because I'd love to make mugs and vases and stuff to give to people. But I am running out of tiiiiiime.
I left in the middle of actual class to go meet with Donaho. My latest assignment was just to do reading and then come to him with questions, so that's what I did. It's been like a month since I've seen him because of spring break and work and stuff, so I finally went today and he told me that I can basically be done because I've done enough work at this point. So... that really blindsided me. Because that's like, it. I had no idea it would be our last meeting so I didn't get to prepare at all and when I left I had no idea what to say and it was awkward and weird and not at all the goodbye I had wanted or planned on. I cried afterwards. I still have a book I want to give him, I'd been planning to give it to him at the end but I wasn't ready for it. I'll still bring it to him. I hope I have the balls. I only say that because I know it will be so emotionally hard to admit that'll be the last time I see him so I'm afraid I won't end up going in order to protect myself from that. I didn't even think to say thank you today. He told me he'd assign me an A and asked if that was fair, I smiled and said it was more than fair. And then it was silent and strange, I picked up my notebook and stood up and went to leave but turned around as he told me good luck. I smiled and waved. I felt rushed and odd because there were two loud and chatty girls right outside his open door waiting to see him, I felt like I didn't have 1.) the time to talk, and 2.) the space to say personal things. I didn't get to say any of the things I've wanted to say, I didn't get to express my gratitude and tell him he's been one of the most influential people of my entire life. I was caught so off-guard that I was robbed of that and I hope I get the chance and the courage to rectify that. I already started - the second I got back to class, I got the idea of making him a little ceramic thing for his desk. I drew the five logic symbols onto tar paper: -, v, &, →, <-->, traced them and cut them out, they're drying right now, I'm going to paint them and inset them into a little bar and carve something into the bottom and sign it. I hope it turns out. Or maybe I'll put them onto a coffee mug or something - I hate that I can't remember what he used to drink out of (thermos? plastic bottles from the machine? I think bottles but I'm not sure. Does he even drink coffee?).
So yeah. I returned to class and was pretty fucking depressed about that but that turned into productivity. I was focused and angry and never stopped for a second. I was almost afraid to stop because then I'd have to think. Laz even noticed, he made some comment about how I was "quiet over there, getting stuff done." IDK. This was/is difficult to write because it's making me think about too many things and I'm not in the mood for that and probably not in the best mental place to do so right now because I'm hormonal. kjhsdfajkl.
ANYWAY. I was in the clay studio for 5 hours today because bad news - my "box"/sculpture thing? YEAH, IT KEEPS FALLING OVER. THERE IS TOO MUCH WEIGHT IN THE BACK. So IDEK what I'm going to do to fix that because I don't want to change how it looks at all, adding a foot in the back or more weight in the front would ruin it and god, god, FML. But here is a photo of it because I said I'd show you (BTW that shit on the bottom of it is not part of it, I just molded shit there to keep it steady while I smoothed it).
We had a demonstration on Tuesday - we're making salt & pepper shakers next. lol. That'll be interesting. BUT OH MY GOD I DIED BECAUSE, okay, Matt was bored during it because he'd already seen this demo and Laz wouldn't let him leave, so he was footing his stuff and just dicking around and all of the sudden I look over and see that he'd scraped "Jesus Christ was here! =)" onto the bottom of his bowl. I. died. Oh god and embarrassment - he was talking to his friend and then turned to me and said "Are you humming?" but I THOUGHT he said "Are you COMING" (to presumably whatever he was talking to his friend about, some event or something, I thought), so I said, "Am I coming? No. What?" He gave me a pervy look and I realized the second it came out of my mouth but it was too late. YEAH, he then announced to the entire room that I was not, at present, coming. I turned about 50 shades of red. I still have so much shit to do in that class, ugh. And I have shit to say but I want it to be locked so I'll do it later, if ever.
SO YEAH, I made a new box today (it's actually a box this time, THREE, ACTUALLY), it is nothing special, I'm only doing it for the grade, which sucks, but is okay because I already have what I consider my "baby" for that project that I now have complete freedom over, which is nice. I'm also hoping that I get good at throwing because I'd love to make mugs and vases and stuff to give to people. But I am running out of tiiiiiime.
I left in the middle of actual class to go meet with Donaho. My latest assignment was just to do reading and then come to him with questions, so that's what I did. It's been like a month since I've seen him because of spring break and work and stuff, so I finally went today and he told me that I can basically be done because I've done enough work at this point. So... that really blindsided me. Because that's like, it. I had no idea it would be our last meeting so I didn't get to prepare at all and when I left I had no idea what to say and it was awkward and weird and not at all the goodbye I had wanted or planned on. I cried afterwards. I still have a book I want to give him, I'd been planning to give it to him at the end but I wasn't ready for it. I'll still bring it to him. I hope I have the balls. I only say that because I know it will be so emotionally hard to admit that'll be the last time I see him so I'm afraid I won't end up going in order to protect myself from that. I didn't even think to say thank you today. He told me he'd assign me an A and asked if that was fair, I smiled and said it was more than fair. And then it was silent and strange, I picked up my notebook and stood up and went to leave but turned around as he told me good luck. I smiled and waved. I felt rushed and odd because there were two loud and chatty girls right outside his open door waiting to see him, I felt like I didn't have 1.) the time to talk, and 2.) the space to say personal things. I didn't get to say any of the things I've wanted to say, I didn't get to express my gratitude and tell him he's been one of the most influential people of my entire life. I was caught so off-guard that I was robbed of that and I hope I get the chance and the courage to rectify that. I already started - the second I got back to class, I got the idea of making him a little ceramic thing for his desk. I drew the five logic symbols onto tar paper: -, v, &, →, <-->, traced them and cut them out, they're drying right now, I'm going to paint them and inset them into a little bar and carve something into the bottom and sign it. I hope it turns out. Or maybe I'll put them onto a coffee mug or something - I hate that I can't remember what he used to drink out of (thermos? plastic bottles from the machine? I think bottles but I'm not sure. Does he even drink coffee?).
So yeah. I returned to class and was pretty fucking depressed about that but that turned into productivity. I was focused and angry and never stopped for a second. I was almost afraid to stop because then I'd have to think. Laz even noticed, he made some comment about how I was "quiet over there, getting stuff done." IDK. This was/is difficult to write because it's making me think about too many things and I'm not in the mood for that and probably not in the best mental place to do so right now because I'm hormonal. kjhsdfajkl.