my hipbone hurts. why don't they make roofs softer.
I GOT TO MAKE SO MANY WISHES TODAY.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
So, I woke up. Then, I cleaned a little. I did an extra large load of laundry and I still have more. lol. My grandma came over and we all watched America's Got Talent, before Tree called and asked if I wanted to go for drinks with her and Hammer. It's so weird that I can just like "~go for drinks~" now, it's still all new and shit and sometimes I forget IT'S ALLOWED, lol.
So I met them at Ruby Tuesday's, had a beer, and then went over to Randy's. And I won't even bore you with the daily drama in that department because what good came of tonight totally fucking overshadows it. I told him that I would have liked to see him, yeah, so we could possibly watch the meteor shower, he told me that that'd be nice and to come over. So I did and we went out on his back porch but we couldn't really see much because there were a bunch of trees, so we decided to go out front. We sat on the back of his car for all of five minutes before he turned around, looked at his house and said, "I wonder if there's a way to get on the roof."
Cue me freaking the HELL out and wanting it so so bad. We found a window, and it was a huge ordeal, lmao, and you guys, I had to climb out this little square window and I was like, "How am I even supposed to do this" but then I thought of that Gillian XF blooper where she like, just dives head first out the window and you see her little boots in the air and shit. So that is what I did, I just like, dove out of it, scared at the possibility of death. I lived.
We brought a huge blanket out there and just fucking laid on his roof and watched shooting stars, god it was awesome. We talked about the constellations and God/religion and UFOs and what we believed and the universe and the moon and fkjhdhljas and when these whispy little clouds started drifting by, WE FOUND SHAPES IN THEM. A disco dancer. A malevolent little motherfucker with fire for hair who was flipping us off. A little green gray man (He called it gray without me even having to educate him. I was proud). We played a bitchin' game of Would You Rather, and then answered the following questions about ourselves:
→ 3 things you like about yourself
→ 3 things you don't
→ 3 things you want to do before you die
→ Your proudest moment
→ Your most embarrassing
→ What your epitaph would say
IDK. It just finally felt like a proper start to this whole thing, we've never really sat and talked that deep before. And like, god, just the whole thing - making out wrapped up in a blanket on a rooftop under a meteor shower, hello. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Every single stupid thing I've gone through with him has been worth it just to be able to say I've done this. And even putting situation aside, I think it was the most beautiful he and I have ever been. We wanted to stay out longer so bad but we were freezing so we went in. My trip into the house was far more graceful and awesome than my trip out of it. Like, I impressed even myself with my liquid-like movement.
We went downstairs, where he asked me to fix his stupid PDF file again and it kind of was a boner-kill. Like, I was so excited to go to bed after all of that, and by "go to bed" I mean "fucking DO him", and then he pulls up this computer thing that I hate doing and that I've already told him how to do and that we've already fought over before and it just... ruined how I was feeling. So I got kind of pissy as I was fixing the file. But then it made me so sad because he started getting all open and I'm not used to that. He told me he was scared of having feelings for me because of all the fighting and that made me cry because I have the same issue. He said he was sorry and that he didn't mean to make me cry and it's like, no, I need to hear this. And then he said that he was just confused and pissed because "30 minutes ago, I felt so close to you, and then this happens", and it's like, why don't you ever tell me these things. 'felt so close to you', god. I'd be so much nicer if I knew you really felt this way and were this sensitive and shit. But how am I supposed to know? You never let on. When he said he was scared of me, that really affected me. That is so fucked up and sad.
And then we did "go to bed" and I really got lost in that. HOWEVER. This has happened to me once before but like, I got SO worked up in such a short amount of time that I kind of felt like I was going to throw up until I pulled back a little? Which sucked because I really didn't want to. IDK, maybe it's just an overwhelming onslaught of hormones but whatever it is, it sucks. I got over it and everything else was good. He gave me a massage afterwards and I didn't even ask. And god, after all of that we got along so well and I was so into him and he wasn't bugging me at all, at ALL. He ate peanut butter out of the jar while we watched an episode of The Office on his Tivo. It was all so nice. I really think we needed to have that conversation and I left feeling different about a fight than I ever have with us before. I actually felt a change. I didn't leave pissed and wanting to dump him, I left optimistic and full of feeling for him.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
So, I woke up. Then, I cleaned a little. I did an extra large load of laundry and I still have more. lol. My grandma came over and we all watched America's Got Talent, before Tree called and asked if I wanted to go for drinks with her and Hammer. It's so weird that I can just like "~go for drinks~" now, it's still all new and shit and sometimes I forget IT'S ALLOWED, lol.
So I met them at Ruby Tuesday's, had a beer, and then went over to Randy's. And I won't even bore you with the daily drama in that department because what good came of tonight totally fucking overshadows it. I told him that I would have liked to see him, yeah, so we could possibly watch the meteor shower, he told me that that'd be nice and to come over. So I did and we went out on his back porch but we couldn't really see much because there were a bunch of trees, so we decided to go out front. We sat on the back of his car for all of five minutes before he turned around, looked at his house and said, "I wonder if there's a way to get on the roof."
Cue me freaking the HELL out and wanting it so so bad. We found a window, and it was a huge ordeal, lmao, and you guys, I had to climb out this little square window and I was like, "How am I even supposed to do this" but then I thought of that Gillian XF blooper where she like, just dives head first out the window and you see her little boots in the air and shit. So that is what I did, I just like, dove out of it, scared at the possibility of death. I lived.
We brought a huge blanket out there and just fucking laid on his roof and watched shooting stars, god it was awesome. We talked about the constellations and God/religion and UFOs and what we believed and the universe and the moon and fkjhdhljas and when these whispy little clouds started drifting by, WE FOUND SHAPES IN THEM. A disco dancer. A malevolent little motherfucker with fire for hair who was flipping us off. A little green gray man (He called it gray without me even having to educate him. I was proud). We played a bitchin' game of Would You Rather, and then answered the following questions about ourselves:
→ 3 things you like about yourself
→ 3 things you don't
→ 3 things you want to do before you die
→ Your proudest moment
→ Your most embarrassing
→ What your epitaph would say
IDK. It just finally felt like a proper start to this whole thing, we've never really sat and talked that deep before. And like, god, just the whole thing - making out wrapped up in a blanket on a rooftop under a meteor shower, hello. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Every single stupid thing I've gone through with him has been worth it just to be able to say I've done this. And even putting situation aside, I think it was the most beautiful he and I have ever been. We wanted to stay out longer so bad but we were freezing so we went in. My trip into the house was far more graceful and awesome than my trip out of it. Like, I impressed even myself with my liquid-like movement.
We went downstairs, where he asked me to fix his stupid PDF file again and it kind of was a boner-kill. Like, I was so excited to go to bed after all of that, and by "go to bed" I mean "fucking DO him", and then he pulls up this computer thing that I hate doing and that I've already told him how to do and that we've already fought over before and it just... ruined how I was feeling. So I got kind of pissy as I was fixing the file. But then it made me so sad because he started getting all open and I'm not used to that. He told me he was scared of having feelings for me because of all the fighting and that made me cry because I have the same issue. He said he was sorry and that he didn't mean to make me cry and it's like, no, I need to hear this. And then he said that he was just confused and pissed because "30 minutes ago, I felt so close to you, and then this happens", and it's like, why don't you ever tell me these things. 'felt so close to you', god. I'd be so much nicer if I knew you really felt this way and were this sensitive and shit. But how am I supposed to know? You never let on. When he said he was scared of me, that really affected me. That is so fucked up and sad.
And then we did "go to bed" and I really got lost in that. HOWEVER. This has happened to me once before but like, I got SO worked up in such a short amount of time that I kind of felt like I was going to throw up until I pulled back a little? Which sucked because I really didn't want to. IDK, maybe it's just an overwhelming onslaught of hormones but whatever it is, it sucks. I got over it and everything else was good. He gave me a massage afterwards and I didn't even ask. And god, after all of that we got along so well and I was so into him and he wasn't bugging me at all, at ALL. He ate peanut butter out of the jar while we watched an episode of The Office on his Tivo. It was all so nice. I really think we needed to have that conversation and I left feeling different about a fight than I ever have with us before. I actually felt a change. I didn't leave pissed and wanting to dump him, I left optimistic and full of feeling for him.