like a switch has been flicked somewhere
I am officially taken. I have no desire to see anyone else anymore. And I'm okay. ♥
"fun & physically demanding" = THEME PARK, FUCK YES. You guys, ahh! He plans the cutest, funnest dates ever! He took me to the Mall of America where there's this huge like, Nickelodeon thing (that used to be Camp Snoopy) and there are roller coasters and ferris wheels and shit. In the middle of the mall. He is so creative, I never would have thought of this. GEMMA, REMEMBER? You were like, "Oh cool!!1" Annnd what the fuck, he said he was hoping I'd be scared of SOME stuff because he really likes that energy and I told him that was psychologically warped and fucked up. And then I told him that he was using reverse psychology on me because if he thought that *I* thought he LIKED me being scared to go on certain rides, I WOULD go on them just to prove a point and spite him and he'd win in the process because he'd get to go on all the scary rides he wanted. He completely followed it and then countered it by adding more "I thought"s and "if YOU thought"s and I'm not sure if it made any sense but I didn't even follow it enough to argue lol. So whatever, I just went on all of them. I had SO much fun.
Annnd I accidentally called myself his girlfriend to some little kid? The second it came out, I was like, "... shit what the FUCK did you just say, Liss." Okay, he convinced me to go on this fucking scary straight-up-and-down roller coaster that I DID NOT WANT TO GO ON. And when it was done, we were pulling back to the... loading area or whatever the fuck, and this little kid next to me was like, "IWANNAGOAGAIN!!1" And CJ leaned over and was like, "If you can bribe the guy to run us through again, I'd be totally down with that!" And I said, "YEAH, well, your girlfriend wouldn't." And that really made me think. I mean, what?
It was SO much fun though, we were so excited and I felt like a little kid. I was scared shitless but I loved it. And he wanted to go on a water ride but I was all fussed about getting wet, so I sat in front of him between his legs and he put his jacket over me/us and my purse so I wouldn't get wet. And GOD that was nice, I could have fallen asleep, being held on the water like that. He is so strong you guys, like seriously. And we went in this haunted house thing where we had laser guns and had to shoot at stuff and I got like 30 points before we even went IN the ride and I told him not to let me win because I get really pissed off when people do that. AND HE DIDN'T, HE KICKED MY ASS SO HARD AND I LOVED IT. I *hate* being patronized. He noticed my nail polish again, and asked what kind of shoes my shoes were. This shit doesn't creep me out, it's totally endearing.
Wristbands were supposed to be like $30 but since we were there after 5 or something, they were only $15. And later he said, "The good thing about these being cheaper is that now I can spend more money on you." And then he told me that we were going somewhere after this. I told him to just tell me. And he had picked out some adorable Italian restaurant. He said he was going to take me to a sushi bar but something told him that'd be a bad idea. He says he thinks he's got my taste in food pretty much figured out, which amazes me but whatever. We hit all the badass rides and then decided to do the ferris wheel before we left. And the whole time I was just thinking about how romantic it'd be to make out at the top of it, with all of the lights everywhere and the glass ceiling of the place. I mean, those are the things you think of when you're a little girl. Annnd our gondola thing finally froze up there and he turned to me and told me that this is what he'd been waiting for, getting stuck up there. I yelled, "Me too!!" And then ♥. It started moving again after awhile, which blew, but then we talked about how his stubble fucks up my chin? LOL it makes my face all red and he feels so bad and he told me he was trying so hard to be careful and cute cute cute. He told me in the car he could grow a beard if I thought that would help. ♥ lol. I think the guy running the ferris wheel liked us, we were the only ones on it I think, and it felt like he was running us through longer than he'd run the cycle before us. He was watching us and smiling.
We left to go to the restaurant. We ran into someone he knew at the mall and I love seeing him interact with his friends. And they tell these stories and reminisce about stuff and I get a bit frustrated that he won't let me see that side of him. The side that does Jackass-like stunts and puts condoms on cop cars, and drives 125 on the wrong side of the road, and insults this guy named Duffy by pretending that Urban Dictionary defined "Duffy" as "an upside down ejaculation" that he just makes up on the spot. I mean, it cracks my shit up. I wish he knew he CAN act that way around me, as if I were a guy friend or something, too.
Dinner. was. FANTASTIC. The restaurant was SO BEAUTIFUL (and red! with Christmas lights!) and the food was SO WONDERFUL. And he ordered his wine and talked to the waiter about it all and I got cheese ravioli and GOD GOD GOD it was amazing. And we talked about so much - we talked about my mom and sister and quoted Zoolander (HOLY BALLS YOU GUYS, HIS FAVORITE LINE IS MY FAVORITE LINE. FIRST THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH WHEN I BROUGHT UP ZOOLANDER - "WHAT IS THIS, A CENTER FOR ANTS?!" AND THEN I FINISHED IT AND FLAILED MY ASS OFF) and Dumb and Dumber. He told me he was surprised I was able to eat all of my stuff. And I told him that people underestimate me because of my size but are always surprised when they see that I actually eat a fucking lot. I am just blessed with a brilliant metabolism or thyroid or whatever is responsible for those things. We wanted dessert and I couldn't decide so I told him to just pick and he didn't WANT to pick but I made him pick and he chose creme brulee since neither of us had had it before. And he is so good for me because he gets me to do these things - go on these rides I'm scared to go on and try this food I never would have tried otherwise. And it was FANTASTIC! OMG THE FUN SHELL THING ON TOP!! (also, he says he has his very own culinary torch that we can play with!! because I love fire!!) I told him that he's good at making decisions which is fabulous because I suck at it.
He said something about how "when I first started noticing you" and I was like, "yeah how DID that start anyway?" And he laughed and said he supposed he could be honest and he got so jkdsjfka like half-embarrassed or something and he said that he was sitting right behind me one day and from the back I just looked so pretty and he hadn't even seen my face yet and he thought [insert Dumb and Dumber quote about "what are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me...", lol]. And then we had to do group work and he said he just loved watching me talk and that when I speak it's like a breath of fresh air to him because I always have something smart to say and everyone else who interjects in that class is just stupid and useless. And then we made fun of Frank, lol.
We talked about editing, my god it melts me. AND YOU GUYS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GOD ALMIGHTY. He tells me he's not sure if he should even ask this but he was wondering if I'd ever be down with like, "collaborating" with him? Like, he wants to make a video together. Like a music video. And his friend so-and-so has a badass camera that he'd let us use. Like, I can't breathe. ♥ ♥ ♥ I told him I would love that so much SO MUCH!!! I do it all the time anyway, I told him about how I can hear a song and think of a RL music video concept that I'd do if I were that artist/singer. And he totally knew that I could just see choreography in my head. And he said he doesn't talk about it much because he's not sure if his friends would get it. I told him that my friends are actually really supportive of this ever since I did that dance team thing, they all knew I did it and I'm their computer/art nerd now and they enjoy it. He told me about this video he made about his religious confusion to some Red Hot Chili Peppers songs and then he said he was so excited for his self-defense training to be done and classes to be done so he could sit down and edit again. We talked about how we feel like puppeteers, pulling our little strings. ♥
And then he brought up conspiracy theories. And that was the moment I decided that I didn't even want to "play the field" any more. I WANT to be taken by this guy. We talked about the end of the world in 2012, what we think happens when we die, how there's a theory about calcified pineal glands or something, what light means, purgatory, religion, philosophy, I mean, my god. We talked about being left behind and death and I brought up X-Files and the theory of starlight and lost souls traveling through time. He told me about how like two years ago, he completely shut down for three days and just cried and didn't do anything because he was so terrified of the idea that we cease to exist after we die. After I had just said that I don't think anything really happens when we die. I apologized profusely and I told him I didn't think it was about what happens after we die, I think it's about what we leave behind, what we do now. He reassured me that it was fine and that I'm entitled to my beliefs. He asked me what I believe. I told him I pull credos from random people and things in my life that stick with me. I quoted the X-Files, Melissa, "Life is just a path, you follow your heart and it will take you where you're supposed to go." I told him about Deanna and how she told us the story of how she ended up being our coach, every bump along the road and everything she lost that led her to us and how when we fell into place in her life, she was able to look at all of those things she thought were completely horrible and say "this is why". And those are the things I believe. I believe that everything happens for a reason, I believe in what a feeling, I believe in so much more than people give me credit for. Just because MY things don't have a name or a fucking bible, or because that exact set of things isn't followed by a huge group of people - just me - doesn't mean they're not valid. I told him I don't need to justify shit - I just live. And he said he knew that. It was just such a beautiful, thought-provoking, engaging conversation. And I love that I can have that with the same person who screams about sparkley lights with me and takes me on roller coasters.
We left at exactly 11:11 and the mall was completely deserted. It was absolutely beautiful to walk through, so completely quiet. We listened to Def Leppard in the car and I told him about my fondness for the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He kissed me at my door and my hands were Minnesota!cold on his face but I couldn't help it and he was pulling me into him and I love his leather jacket and these are the moments.
"fun & physically demanding" = THEME PARK, FUCK YES. You guys, ahh! He plans the cutest, funnest dates ever! He took me to the Mall of America where there's this huge like, Nickelodeon thing (that used to be Camp Snoopy) and there are roller coasters and ferris wheels and shit. In the middle of the mall. He is so creative, I never would have thought of this. GEMMA, REMEMBER? You were like, "Oh cool!!1" Annnd what the fuck, he said he was hoping I'd be scared of SOME stuff because he really likes that energy and I told him that was psychologically warped and fucked up. And then I told him that he was using reverse psychology on me because if he thought that *I* thought he LIKED me being scared to go on certain rides, I WOULD go on them just to prove a point and spite him and he'd win in the process because he'd get to go on all the scary rides he wanted. He completely followed it and then countered it by adding more "I thought"s and "if YOU thought"s and I'm not sure if it made any sense but I didn't even follow it enough to argue lol. So whatever, I just went on all of them. I had SO much fun.
Annnd I accidentally called myself his girlfriend to some little kid? The second it came out, I was like, "... shit what the FUCK did you just say, Liss." Okay, he convinced me to go on this fucking scary straight-up-and-down roller coaster that I DID NOT WANT TO GO ON. And when it was done, we were pulling back to the... loading area or whatever the fuck, and this little kid next to me was like, "IWANNAGOAGAIN!!1" And CJ leaned over and was like, "If you can bribe the guy to run us through again, I'd be totally down with that!" And I said, "YEAH, well, your girlfriend wouldn't." And that really made me think. I mean, what?
It was SO much fun though, we were so excited and I felt like a little kid. I was scared shitless but I loved it. And he wanted to go on a water ride but I was all fussed about getting wet, so I sat in front of him between his legs and he put his jacket over me/us and my purse so I wouldn't get wet. And GOD that was nice, I could have fallen asleep, being held on the water like that. He is so strong you guys, like seriously. And we went in this haunted house thing where we had laser guns and had to shoot at stuff and I got like 30 points before we even went IN the ride and I told him not to let me win because I get really pissed off when people do that. AND HE DIDN'T, HE KICKED MY ASS SO HARD AND I LOVED IT. I *hate* being patronized. He noticed my nail polish again, and asked what kind of shoes my shoes were. This shit doesn't creep me out, it's totally endearing.
Wristbands were supposed to be like $30 but since we were there after 5 or something, they were only $15. And later he said, "The good thing about these being cheaper is that now I can spend more money on you." And then he told me that we were going somewhere after this. I told him to just tell me. And he had picked out some adorable Italian restaurant. He said he was going to take me to a sushi bar but something told him that'd be a bad idea. He says he thinks he's got my taste in food pretty much figured out, which amazes me but whatever. We hit all the badass rides and then decided to do the ferris wheel before we left. And the whole time I was just thinking about how romantic it'd be to make out at the top of it, with all of the lights everywhere and the glass ceiling of the place. I mean, those are the things you think of when you're a little girl. Annnd our gondola thing finally froze up there and he turned to me and told me that this is what he'd been waiting for, getting stuck up there. I yelled, "Me too!!" And then ♥. It started moving again after awhile, which blew, but then we talked about how his stubble fucks up my chin? LOL it makes my face all red and he feels so bad and he told me he was trying so hard to be careful and cute cute cute. He told me in the car he could grow a beard if I thought that would help. ♥ lol. I think the guy running the ferris wheel liked us, we were the only ones on it I think, and it felt like he was running us through longer than he'd run the cycle before us. He was watching us and smiling.
We left to go to the restaurant. We ran into someone he knew at the mall and I love seeing him interact with his friends. And they tell these stories and reminisce about stuff and I get a bit frustrated that he won't let me see that side of him. The side that does Jackass-like stunts and puts condoms on cop cars, and drives 125 on the wrong side of the road, and insults this guy named Duffy by pretending that Urban Dictionary defined "Duffy" as "an upside down ejaculation" that he just makes up on the spot. I mean, it cracks my shit up. I wish he knew he CAN act that way around me, as if I were a guy friend or something, too.
Dinner. was. FANTASTIC. The restaurant was SO BEAUTIFUL (and red! with Christmas lights!) and the food was SO WONDERFUL. And he ordered his wine and talked to the waiter about it all and I got cheese ravioli and GOD GOD GOD it was amazing. And we talked about so much - we talked about my mom and sister and quoted Zoolander (HOLY BALLS YOU GUYS, HIS FAVORITE LINE IS MY FAVORITE LINE. FIRST THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH WHEN I BROUGHT UP ZOOLANDER - "WHAT IS THIS, A CENTER FOR ANTS?!" AND THEN I FINISHED IT AND FLAILED MY ASS OFF) and Dumb and Dumber. He told me he was surprised I was able to eat all of my stuff. And I told him that people underestimate me because of my size but are always surprised when they see that I actually eat a fucking lot. I am just blessed with a brilliant metabolism or thyroid or whatever is responsible for those things. We wanted dessert and I couldn't decide so I told him to just pick and he didn't WANT to pick but I made him pick and he chose creme brulee since neither of us had had it before. And he is so good for me because he gets me to do these things - go on these rides I'm scared to go on and try this food I never would have tried otherwise. And it was FANTASTIC! OMG THE FUN SHELL THING ON TOP!! (also, he says he has his very own culinary torch that we can play with!! because I love fire!!) I told him that he's good at making decisions which is fabulous because I suck at it.
He said something about how "when I first started noticing you" and I was like, "yeah how DID that start anyway?" And he laughed and said he supposed he could be honest and he got so jkdsjfka like half-embarrassed or something and he said that he was sitting right behind me one day and from the back I just looked so pretty and he hadn't even seen my face yet and he thought [insert Dumb and Dumber quote about "what are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me...", lol]. And then we had to do group work and he said he just loved watching me talk and that when I speak it's like a breath of fresh air to him because I always have something smart to say and everyone else who interjects in that class is just stupid and useless. And then we made fun of Frank, lol.
We talked about editing, my god it melts me. AND YOU GUYS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GOD ALMIGHTY. He tells me he's not sure if he should even ask this but he was wondering if I'd ever be down with like, "collaborating" with him? Like, he wants to make a video together. Like a music video. And his friend so-and-so has a badass camera that he'd let us use. Like, I can't breathe. ♥ ♥ ♥ I told him I would love that so much SO MUCH!!! I do it all the time anyway, I told him about how I can hear a song and think of a RL music video concept that I'd do if I were that artist/singer. And he totally knew that I could just see choreography in my head. And he said he doesn't talk about it much because he's not sure if his friends would get it. I told him that my friends are actually really supportive of this ever since I did that dance team thing, they all knew I did it and I'm their computer/art nerd now and they enjoy it. He told me about this video he made about his religious confusion to some Red Hot Chili Peppers songs and then he said he was so excited for his self-defense training to be done and classes to be done so he could sit down and edit again. We talked about how we feel like puppeteers, pulling our little strings. ♥
And then he brought up conspiracy theories. And that was the moment I decided that I didn't even want to "play the field" any more. I WANT to be taken by this guy. We talked about the end of the world in 2012, what we think happens when we die, how there's a theory about calcified pineal glands or something, what light means, purgatory, religion, philosophy, I mean, my god. We talked about being left behind and death and I brought up X-Files and the theory of starlight and lost souls traveling through time. He told me about how like two years ago, he completely shut down for three days and just cried and didn't do anything because he was so terrified of the idea that we cease to exist after we die. After I had just said that I don't think anything really happens when we die. I apologized profusely and I told him I didn't think it was about what happens after we die, I think it's about what we leave behind, what we do now. He reassured me that it was fine and that I'm entitled to my beliefs. He asked me what I believe. I told him I pull credos from random people and things in my life that stick with me. I quoted the X-Files, Melissa, "Life is just a path, you follow your heart and it will take you where you're supposed to go." I told him about Deanna and how she told us the story of how she ended up being our coach, every bump along the road and everything she lost that led her to us and how when we fell into place in her life, she was able to look at all of those things she thought were completely horrible and say "this is why". And those are the things I believe. I believe that everything happens for a reason, I believe in what a feeling, I believe in so much more than people give me credit for. Just because MY things don't have a name or a fucking bible, or because that exact set of things isn't followed by a huge group of people - just me - doesn't mean they're not valid. I told him I don't need to justify shit - I just live. And he said he knew that. It was just such a beautiful, thought-provoking, engaging conversation. And I love that I can have that with the same person who screams about sparkley lights with me and takes me on roller coasters.
We left at exactly 11:11 and the mall was completely deserted. It was absolutely beautiful to walk through, so completely quiet. We listened to Def Leppard in the car and I told him about my fondness for the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He kissed me at my door and my hands were Minnesota!cold on his face but I couldn't help it and he was pulling me into him and I love his leather jacket and these are the moments.