dance entry, feel free to skip
I went to a dance competition today with Mette, Alysia, Natalie, Whitney, and Katie. LOL. There were like 50 conversations going on in the car and it was so hilarious because we were all talking but we were all able to still follow everything. It was fun for awhile, I guess. We didn't have to pay to get in, which was nice. I walked in and saw a girl doing her solo. She wasn't even good, but it made me cry because I never go that, I never got a solo. And now I'm 19. And the program only goes up to 18, everyone else is "Adult". And that bothers me. I just feel like I missed out on that. GOOD NEWS THOUGH - the studio that was recommended to me was there. And Deanna was right on the money - they were AMAZING, totally fit my expectations I have for a studio and for myself. AND AND AND! I LOVE HER FOR PICKING THAT ONE, because it got to the point where I was able to tell when someone was from there JUST by their costumes. Know how I knew? BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL SO FUCKING CUTE AND AMAZING AND *FULL* OF RHINESTONES. Like I cannot even get over that she chose that place for me, it is perfect. I hope it all works out and I hope I still feel like doing it when auditions roll around.
I also saw two of my old, old dance teachers. It was so weird. I saw Renee whose studio I was at when I was like 5, but I didn't care because I always hated that bitch. Then I saw Jenni who I pretty much grew up dancing with. I never competed with anyone else but her and I haven't seen her in years. It was really weird. We ended on bad terms - I was going to stay with her up until I left for college. My mom was telling me to try out for the high school team but I wanted to stay with Jenni. Until we all fought and went to court and everything. Then I just stopped going and decided to try out for the high school team the next year. (I'm so glad we fought - I don't even want to think about what I would have missed. ♥) Despite being a whiny bitch sometimes, I have to admit that she was a really good teacher, and her studio can take a lot of credit for making me into the dancer that was good enough to win State. It's hard to explain, I don't know. But seeing her really made me want to cry because even though I hate her, she looked so lovely and colorful (it freaked me out. I think this was probably the best I've ever seen her look in my entire life). I was THIS close to talking to her. Just because I've had a few dreams where I've talked to her and thanked her for training me well as I was growing up, and it almost felt right. I thought I saw her earlier standing off to the side, but it was dark and I wasn't sure if it was her because her hair was different and yeah, I haven't seen her in years and it was too dark to see her face. Later I saw that same person sitting a couple of rows in front of me (I recognized the yellow shirt), but all I could really see was her mouth. And I was like, "That's totally Jenni." And it freaked me out because I still remember her mouth? I mean, what the hell, right? I knew it was her when I saw a solo from her studio perform and she started clapping afterwards. Then she left. I was sort of hoping I'd run into her later, but it was weird.
Me, Alysia, and Mette were standing outside the doors waiting for Nat and Whit. So us three were talking and then Jenni came RIGHT out those doors and I was right there and totally facing them and open and my stomach fell and it was awkward and I don't remember if we made eye contact or anything but it was just REALLY weird. And then she was just kind of standing around, I don't know. I wish she could see me dance now, I'm so much better than I was when I left her.
I also really miss my old ballet teacher. I was hoping her studio'd be there, but they weren't. She was so beautiful, she went through so much, and the way she saw me was absolutely breathtaking. I am so, so bitter that I was too young to GET that. I do now, though, which is why I really need to see her. She made me cry after class one day - she held me back after everyone left and said that she was concerned that I care too much about what people around me thought. I was upset because I felt like she gave me more corrections than everyone else. She told me that every correction was a compliment because she only gives her time and attention to people that are worth it. She said that I was one of the most precious pieces she ever worked with. I learned a lot from her, about dance, sex, independence, passion, attitude, eye-rolling, respectful body language. I STILL can't cross my arms or put my hands on my hips in front of authority figures, and I get so irked when I see other people doing it. She used to tell me that if I were dancing in Russia, they'd pick me instantly just based on my body type. She used to pull me up front to demo pliés and port de bras. She'd do private lessons with me and we'd do chainés down the hallway together. She'd hug my teammates but I always got kissed on the head, too. I just... god. If I were to have her now, still, I would be completely unstoppable. It'd be one of those perfect student/teacher relationships and that would be my life, it would BE the reason I got up in the morning. But she left. Mom - we have to talk about this, I don't remember when she left - Did we leave the same year? I also remember wanting to stay at the studio despite our fight with Jenni but then thinking "Well Wendy won't be here next year, so why bother?" I don't remember the last time I saw her, either. We have to sort all that out (if you know the years we all left off the top of your head, email me or call or something), what the hell is wrong with me. I just really miss her. I'm so upset. I haven't seen her in 7 years, probably. And I get like this every once in awhile. I was just too young to grasp the gravity of the situation as it was happening and what a blessing she really was.
I also saw two of my old, old dance teachers. It was so weird. I saw Renee whose studio I was at when I was like 5, but I didn't care because I always hated that bitch. Then I saw Jenni who I pretty much grew up dancing with. I never competed with anyone else but her and I haven't seen her in years. It was really weird. We ended on bad terms - I was going to stay with her up until I left for college. My mom was telling me to try out for the high school team but I wanted to stay with Jenni. Until we all fought and went to court and everything. Then I just stopped going and decided to try out for the high school team the next year. (I'm so glad we fought - I don't even want to think about what I would have missed. ♥) Despite being a whiny bitch sometimes, I have to admit that she was a really good teacher, and her studio can take a lot of credit for making me into the dancer that was good enough to win State. It's hard to explain, I don't know. But seeing her really made me want to cry because even though I hate her, she looked so lovely and colorful (it freaked me out. I think this was probably the best I've ever seen her look in my entire life). I was THIS close to talking to her. Just because I've had a few dreams where I've talked to her and thanked her for training me well as I was growing up, and it almost felt right. I thought I saw her earlier standing off to the side, but it was dark and I wasn't sure if it was her because her hair was different and yeah, I haven't seen her in years and it was too dark to see her face. Later I saw that same person sitting a couple of rows in front of me (I recognized the yellow shirt), but all I could really see was her mouth. And I was like, "That's totally Jenni." And it freaked me out because I still remember her mouth? I mean, what the hell, right? I knew it was her when I saw a solo from her studio perform and she started clapping afterwards. Then she left. I was sort of hoping I'd run into her later, but it was weird.
Me, Alysia, and Mette were standing outside the doors waiting for Nat and Whit. So us three were talking and then Jenni came RIGHT out those doors and I was right there and totally facing them and open and my stomach fell and it was awkward and I don't remember if we made eye contact or anything but it was just REALLY weird. And then she was just kind of standing around, I don't know. I wish she could see me dance now, I'm so much better than I was when I left her.
I also really miss my old ballet teacher. I was hoping her studio'd be there, but they weren't. She was so beautiful, she went through so much, and the way she saw me was absolutely breathtaking. I am so, so bitter that I was too young to GET that. I do now, though, which is why I really need to see her. She made me cry after class one day - she held me back after everyone left and said that she was concerned that I care too much about what people around me thought. I was upset because I felt like she gave me more corrections than everyone else. She told me that every correction was a compliment because she only gives her time and attention to people that are worth it. She said that I was one of the most precious pieces she ever worked with. I learned a lot from her, about dance, sex, independence, passion, attitude, eye-rolling, respectful body language. I STILL can't cross my arms or put my hands on my hips in front of authority figures, and I get so irked when I see other people doing it. She used to tell me that if I were dancing in Russia, they'd pick me instantly just based on my body type. She used to pull me up front to demo pliés and port de bras. She'd do private lessons with me and we'd do chainés down the hallway together. She'd hug my teammates but I always got kissed on the head, too. I just... god. If I were to have her now, still, I would be completely unstoppable. It'd be one of those perfect student/teacher relationships and that would be my life, it would BE the reason I got up in the morning. But she left. Mom - we have to talk about this, I don't remember when she left - Did we leave the same year? I also remember wanting to stay at the studio despite our fight with Jenni but then thinking "Well Wendy won't be here next year, so why bother?" I don't remember the last time I saw her, either. We have to sort all that out (if you know the years we all left off the top of your head, email me or call or something), what the hell is wrong with me. I just really miss her. I'm so upset. I haven't seen her in 7 years, probably. And I get like this every once in awhile. I was just too young to grasp the gravity of the situation as it was happening and what a blessing she really was.