I'm only wishing you'd love me like I...
i'll just come out and say it. paula cancelled the audience part of her show. and i know im not going to live it down because i talked about it so much. and im expecting that and its okay. i just wanted to let you guys know. i dont know what im going to do in terms of it. some people are gonna just go anyway. everyone is upset and crying and there are people that have already spent $1000 on this trip. i dont get how she could do this when she KNEW every fucking seat was full. she filled up a show. and then, a week before it, cancels. "due to a scheduling error".
ITS NOT A SCHEDULING ERROR. SHE'S STILL DOING THE SHOW. PEOPLE JUST ARENT INVITED. I DONT GET HOW THEY EXPECT US TO BUY THIS STUPID EXCUSE. and i dont get how im going to sit and watch her stupid face on tv on that friday at 11am KNOWING im supposed to BE there. and see her sit and sell her pieces of shit like it's all okay, like she didnt let a whole group of people down.
im disappointed. and hurt. and ive already cried over this. i heard over the phone, had to sit down. jennah kept telling me about it, and i ended up just laying in the grass outside and crying. and then, i had to tell Hell and Tiff. how the fuck was i supposed to break that to them. i had a huge panic attack just thinking about it. i waited until i was alone and i called hell and told her. she was angry too, but most of all, she was numb. i was numb too. but now im just angry. and filled with hate. im so let down by the woman i idolize more than anything. i know she didnt do it, "hey ill cancel this to fuck with liss", but that doesnt mean im not let down any less. i want to cry MORE. but im just too angry to even cry. it wont even come out and im trying so hard. im just so many things.
as far as im concered, there could be no good reason for her to do this to all of these people. and if there is a good reason, she should say it instead of leaving us to speculate. because all we're doing is getting mad. and doubting her. and questioning her. i wonder if she drinks and i was just stupid to trust her when she said she didnt. i wonder a lot of things right now. i just dont even know. i dont even know if she was worth all of the shit ive always gotten for liking her, and sticking up for her. ive dealt with a lot because of her, but i was always willing to do it. because i believed in her. and i dont mind going to bat for people i believe in. but i dont even know right now.
im so pissed that i cant even use a paula icon for this right now.
i figured out in the car that im going through the 5 stages of dying/loss/whatever. and im in between anger and depression. im in both. i dont even know. it's gonna suck when i get to 'bargaining' because i have nothing to bargain with or about. im fucked and have no control or say in any of this. and some of you will be happy this happened to me. and that's fine. and this probably doesn't look like a big deal to some of you. but i am crushed. completely and utterly crushed.
ITS NOT A SCHEDULING ERROR. SHE'S STILL DOING THE SHOW. PEOPLE JUST ARENT INVITED. I DONT GET HOW THEY EXPECT US TO BUY THIS STUPID EXCUSE. and i dont get how im going to sit and watch her stupid face on tv on that friday at 11am KNOWING im supposed to BE there. and see her sit and sell her pieces of shit like it's all okay, like she didnt let a whole group of people down.
im disappointed. and hurt. and ive already cried over this. i heard over the phone, had to sit down. jennah kept telling me about it, and i ended up just laying in the grass outside and crying. and then, i had to tell Hell and Tiff. how the fuck was i supposed to break that to them. i had a huge panic attack just thinking about it. i waited until i was alone and i called hell and told her. she was angry too, but most of all, she was numb. i was numb too. but now im just angry. and filled with hate. im so let down by the woman i idolize more than anything. i know she didnt do it, "hey ill cancel this to fuck with liss", but that doesnt mean im not let down any less. i want to cry MORE. but im just too angry to even cry. it wont even come out and im trying so hard. im just so many things.
as far as im concered, there could be no good reason for her to do this to all of these people. and if there is a good reason, she should say it instead of leaving us to speculate. because all we're doing is getting mad. and doubting her. and questioning her. i wonder if she drinks and i was just stupid to trust her when she said she didnt. i wonder a lot of things right now. i just dont even know. i dont even know if she was worth all of the shit ive always gotten for liking her, and sticking up for her. ive dealt with a lot because of her, but i was always willing to do it. because i believed in her. and i dont mind going to bat for people i believe in. but i dont even know right now.
im so pissed that i cant even use a paula icon for this right now.
i figured out in the car that im going through the 5 stages of dying/loss/whatever. and im in between anger and depression. im in both. i dont even know. it's gonna suck when i get to 'bargaining' because i have nothing to bargain with or about. im fucked and have no control or say in any of this. and some of you will be happy this happened to me. and that's fine. and this probably doesn't look like a big deal to some of you. but i am crushed. completely and utterly crushed.