little sister's not so little at 21.
As mentioned in a previous entry, I flew back home to surprise my sister. She was turning 21 (on May 10) and I had originally planned on being back for it, but in April the producer was like, "You're staying through May, right? Good." basically and I didn't really say no. On May 3, I booked a flight because the production company wasn't following through and IDGAF anymoar. My sister had NO idea I was coming home - she wrote on my Facebook that she was sad she was going to have another drunken night that I wouldn't be able to document. And then! MY PLANS WERE ALMOST FOILED - she texted me that Chris was taking her to some fucking country concert on her birthday, so I had to figure out how to get her to bail on the guy without telling her why. My mom was apparently like, "Blow ~Chris~ off and come out with me instead!" and my sister was apparently just like, "Okay!" lol SO FUCKING EASY.
I totally played along and even on her birthday, I was all, "~I'm so sad I can't be there to celebrate!~" about it and then I texted her when I landed to have a happy birthday, that I'd have to call her later because I was super late for a meeting lmao. My mom told me they were all at a restaurant and to come there, we stopped to get her a bottle of cake vodka and a tiara. When I walked in, I saw my family sitting at the bar, but luckily Angela's back was toward me. I started to run up and saw my mom and grandma frantically getting their cameras ready. Fearing that Ange would turn around like "WTF", I hid behind a plant lol. They told her to smile with our aunt and she was like, "CAN WE SIMMER DOWN ON THE PICTURES, PLEASE" all totally fucking pissy as I ran up behind and photo-bombed it. She still had no idea I was there, until I dangled the bottle of vodka and tiara in front of her face. Her reaction was priceless:
Dinner was wonderful, my grandparents were there and everyone was really glad I was home. Not much to note, I don't think, so - pictures!
Us & our mawm.
MY GRANDPARENTS, THEY ARE SO OTP. "Bev, do you want my cherry?" I DIED. DIED.
Me & my lovah!
♥ ♥ ♥ /sap.
We came back to Jason's apartment to park our cars, we took some shots in the living room before we went to a dueling piano bar. Some trashy guy noticed my sister's tiara and miraculously it was his birthday too. And then he just... hung around? Like, my sister is incapable of telling guys off. And he was disgusting - TOTALLY fucking harshing our buzz. And his brother was a TOTAL dick, like he started picking a fight with Jason because he wasn't being "nice" enough (read: not laughing extensively at his shitty jokes and not going out of his way to give this guy high fives - literally. That was a literal fucking complaint). OH! And okay, how this bar works is you can request songs, you put them and a tip up on one of the pianos. This guy was so fucking entitled that he thought he could get the pianists to play for free for him, just because he was him, and had this whole fucking "challenge accepted" attitude about it all. He asked Jason how much you have to pay and he jokingly said $100, and his brother got legit pissed about it and kept dropping these comments ("Don't ask this guy anything - he won't tell you the truth", not even joking in tone either). GOD they were fucking losers, I literally cannot. Finally they got the hint and left but not before having a hissy fit scene over it.
Anyway - we had a couple of martinis and also did some shots, one of which was a Blowjob. My sister failed tremendously and it was spectacular:
We requested a birthday song, so they called her up on stage. They made her climb up onto the piano while they sang a love song about doing it ~dog style~. Halfway through, one of the players got an idea to make her crawl across the pianos and say "woof woof" all sultry-like into the mic. And then he made her do it again. We fucking died. At at the end, everyone in the bar pointed at her and yelled "you bitch, you slut, you whore ~happy birthday to youuu" because that's what you do for birthdays there lmao. Then they give you a bumper sticker and you have to decide if you want it on your chest or your ass, she picked chest and the guy taped it to her boobs with his forehead lol. We had a great time. Moar drinks and songs, Jason and I made out in the photo booth like high schoolers.
We ran into one of my mom's friends from her old work; he suggested a bar but we passed another on the way that I insisted we go in. They gave her a birthday shot on the patio and I managed to convince her to dance up on the poled stage with me. Like I know it's seedy and it's a stupid fucking bar full of lame people, but I really feel like myself up there? I'm not saying I'm a stripper, I'm saying I just really miss performing and it's so easy. IDEK. There was some dude dancing with some girl and apparently he turned to Jason and said something about how "sometimes you've just gotta give the ladies charity." And then he was like, "*points to me* I'm about to go give her some charity" before Jason was like, "LOL she's my girlfriend so I'm going to go give her the charity" lolllll.
Angela started to feel like shit, surprise surprise, so I double-fisted our remaining drinks like a boss. Everyone went outside but Jason and I went to settle our tab. The bartender told us some chick had it, who was nowhere to be seen, and it was a really stupid system. So we started wandering in the hopes of finding her, and then there was the Donaho Situation, which is tl;dr and totally detracts from the birthday entry so I'll post that this afternoon. All in all, she had a really great time and I'm so glad I'm home!
I totally played along and even on her birthday, I was all, "~I'm so sad I can't be there to celebrate!~" about it and then I texted her when I landed to have a happy birthday, that I'd have to call her later because I was super late for a meeting lmao. My mom told me they were all at a restaurant and to come there, we stopped to get her a bottle of cake vodka and a tiara. When I walked in, I saw my family sitting at the bar, but luckily Angela's back was toward me. I started to run up and saw my mom and grandma frantically getting their cameras ready. Fearing that Ange would turn around like "WTF", I hid behind a plant lol. They told her to smile with our aunt and she was like, "CAN WE SIMMER DOWN ON THE PICTURES, PLEASE" all totally fucking pissy as I ran up behind and photo-bombed it. She still had no idea I was there, until I dangled the bottle of vodka and tiara in front of her face. Her reaction was priceless:
Dinner was wonderful, my grandparents were there and everyone was really glad I was home. Not much to note, I don't think, so - pictures!
Us & our mawm.
MY GRANDPARENTS, THEY ARE SO OTP. "Bev, do you want my cherry?" I DIED. DIED.
Me & my lovah!
♥ ♥ ♥ /sap.
We came back to Jason's apartment to park our cars, we took some shots in the living room before we went to a dueling piano bar. Some trashy guy noticed my sister's tiara and miraculously it was his birthday too. And then he just... hung around? Like, my sister is incapable of telling guys off. And he was disgusting - TOTALLY fucking harshing our buzz. And his brother was a TOTAL dick, like he started picking a fight with Jason because he wasn't being "nice" enough (read: not laughing extensively at his shitty jokes and not going out of his way to give this guy high fives - literally. That was a literal fucking complaint). OH! And okay, how this bar works is you can request songs, you put them and a tip up on one of the pianos. This guy was so fucking entitled that he thought he could get the pianists to play for free for him, just because he was him, and had this whole fucking "challenge accepted" attitude about it all. He asked Jason how much you have to pay and he jokingly said $100, and his brother got legit pissed about it and kept dropping these comments ("Don't ask this guy anything - he won't tell you the truth", not even joking in tone either). GOD they were fucking losers, I literally cannot. Finally they got the hint and left but not before having a hissy fit scene over it.
Anyway - we had a couple of martinis and also did some shots, one of which was a Blowjob. My sister failed tremendously and it was spectacular:
We requested a birthday song, so they called her up on stage. They made her climb up onto the piano while they sang a love song about doing it ~dog style~. Halfway through, one of the players got an idea to make her crawl across the pianos and say "woof woof" all sultry-like into the mic. And then he made her do it again. We fucking died. At at the end, everyone in the bar pointed at her and yelled "you bitch, you slut, you whore ~happy birthday to youuu" because that's what you do for birthdays there lmao. Then they give you a bumper sticker and you have to decide if you want it on your chest or your ass, she picked chest and the guy taped it to her boobs with his forehead lol. We had a great time. Moar drinks and songs, Jason and I made out in the photo booth like high schoolers.
We ran into one of my mom's friends from her old work; he suggested a bar but we passed another on the way that I insisted we go in. They gave her a birthday shot on the patio and I managed to convince her to dance up on the poled stage with me. Like I know it's seedy and it's a stupid fucking bar full of lame people, but I really feel like myself up there? I'm not saying I'm a stripper, I'm saying I just really miss performing and it's so easy. IDEK. There was some dude dancing with some girl and apparently he turned to Jason and said something about how "sometimes you've just gotta give the ladies charity." And then he was like, "*points to me* I'm about to go give her some charity" before Jason was like, "LOL she's my girlfriend so I'm going to go give her the charity" lolllll.
Angela started to feel like shit, surprise surprise, so I double-fisted our remaining drinks like a boss. Everyone went outside but Jason and I went to settle our tab. The bartender told us some chick had it, who was nowhere to be seen, and it was a really stupid system. So we started wandering in the hopes of finding her, and then there was the Donaho Situation, which is tl;dr and totally detracts from the birthday entry so I'll post that this afternoon. All in all, she had a really great time and I'm so glad I'm home!