Fandom Interview! (The best kind!)
whenidream asked to interview me for a college project on artificial life and attachment to fiction and I happily obliged. Because yeah, let's not even pretend I don't have shit to say on the subject, lol. I'd love it if you read this and offered your own thoughts/experiences! And I'm probably biased but I feel like I've got some quality insight lol.
01.) What fandoms do you identify yourself with, past and/or present?
X-Files, House MD, American Idol (a lot more but they were tinier so I'll mostly talk about these three)
02.) Out of all these, in which one do you think you had the strongest experience with the fandom community itself? Why do you think it was a strong experience?
House MD, definitely. When I was involved with X-Files, I was much younger, which of course translates to me being a little more immature in my interactions with others, and also at that point I didn't have a handle on how to Photoshop or edit video and these were the things that strengthened my involvement in the House fandom. I came into XF at the end of its seventh season, and I came into House toward the end of its second. So I got to be with House in realtime a lot longer.
03.) Has frequent interaction with a fandom community (ie: weekly post-episode chats) altered the level of intensity (either more or less) with which you experience a show or connect to its characters? How so?
I think about this all the time - X-Files still feels so much more personal and to an extent, real, than House does. I think when you get involved in a fandom community, it can be a GREAT, fun, energetic and passionate experience, but at the same time can constantly remind you that the show is just that - a show. At the end of the day, I am absolutely happy I've gotten to experience both sides of that coin.
04.) Do you feel connected to people in your fandoms who watch the same show, but are obsessed with a completely different character than you?
It depends on how they conduct themselves - as long as they're passionate about the show as a whole and don't make a point of knocking the character that I love, it can be a great experience as it expands the sense of camaraderie you get. However, if they're really close-minded and catty and seem to ONLY watch for their character or ship I hate, then we literally have nothing to say to each other lol.
05.) How do you feel about people who discuss TV shows in reviews, on forums, etc, but aren't involved in fandom, or not emotionally engaged with those shows? How do you make sense of what they're doing?
I guess I see them as part of a group of people who waste some time? I don't know - I understand that everyone is entitled to an opinion but to talk about something you're not emotionally engaged with doesn't make much sense to me. I suppose this is assuming they're talking shit but the same can be said for people who give positive reviews. It is some people's job to review all sorts of shows they'll never have time to form a real connection with, too. So in that respect it makes a lot more sense.
06.) Has a fandom ever changed the way you look at a show? How?
Yes - as mentioned in my answer to #3, fandom has the ability to constantly remind you it is "just a show", that these characters are not real, independent, breathing human beings. Being involved in the creative side of fandom - graphic art, video editing - has definitely made me look at a show differently because I watch every episode with those glasses on - what story can I tell on top of theirs? How can I lyrically communicate the same stories?
07.) Are there any fandoms with people that drive you absolutely crazy? What do they do that drives you crazy?
THE LISA EDELSTEIN FANDOM DRIVES ME FUCKING NUTS. When I first started watching House, the number of people who loved Cuddy's actress beyond the show were very few. Really, I think of myself and about five other people. She obviously started getting more attention, especially when she became entangled with the lead character, and now she has fans all over the world which is extraordinary. However, there are a lot of overseas fans who are, let's just say... a little too passionate about her. I read a recount of a fan who met her in Italy - she posted the tale on her own blog as if she were proud of the fact that she chased her through a hotel and had to get hauled off by security. She was bragging about this, about how - regardless of the outcome - this was her dream and it came true. Fucking batshit. There was also a really weird ad taken out in the paper and rumors of IVF simply because Cuddy tried it.
08.) What to you, is the right way to fangirl? What type of fangirling is going too far? Or what's not enough to qualify?
I don't know, I guess it depends on the person but to me fangirling is loving something so much that it can't be contained inside you, and it changes your life for the better. There's a difference between fangirling and just loving someone. I absolutely fangirl Paula Abdul - I have every remix of all of her songs, I've watched all of her performances from the 80's to now, I feel a connection to her. There are people I loved and appreciate but don't consider myself a fangirl - I love Susan Sarandon and Laura Linney and Sela Ward, I think I could get to the fangirling point with them someday but I'm not there yet. When you fangirl someone, you know.
09.) How do you go about fangirling someone or something, ie: what “activities” make up your process?
Watching all of the work they've done, reading/watching every interview you can possibly find, announcing to your blog/the world that you're so totally in love with so-and-so, and calling for others who are so totally in love with so-and-so to step up and tell you so you can "flail". The come a series of MSN conversations or emails just full of gushing about said person. It always feels good to realize you're not alone, that something about this person or show is genuinely amazing and not just a personal bias. Then there comes the purchasing of all the relevant DVDs, and for me there's editing. Editing is such an important fandom activity for me because it allows me to truly communicate what I see and feel when I look at these shows. I'll talk about this more on a later question. :)
10.) Has your process of fangirling evolved over time?
Yes, oh my word - when I was into X-Files, I was way more vocal about it. I was just finishing up middle school, and I still cringe when I think about the time that me and my friend Sally had our math teacher read our fanfiction because ~he loved XF too~ and we thought he was hot. I would never in a million years do that now. The series ended the night before we were all to take a Grade 8 trip to Chicago. I was predictably a basketcase. I printed off all of the finale promo shots, laminated them, and brought them with to put up in our hotel. I think it helped that I had smart friends who liked the show too, but still.
11.) What was your first fangirl experience, and what was it like?
I don't remember a defined first experience, but I remember a general feeling - I started out on FOX's X-Files forum, I still remember exactly how it looked and felt. There were tons of creative people I looked up to, and through that found another board aptly called Creative, where people would post beautiful fanart from a bunch of different fandoms. I wanted to learn it so much. Videos, too - there was a video editor called Lyle and he was amazing, he made me want to learn to edit so badly.
12.) When you watch someone in something and realize that you're going to be obsessed with them, does that trigger a certain emotion or sensation for you that is different from what you experience watching a show or character you don't fangirl? What does it feel like?
Yes - for everything I've ever fangirled, I can trace it back to a specific moment which I've often referred to as the "catalyst". For Lisa Edelstein, it was a tour of the House set - she was so funny and audacious, so different from her character. For Paula Abdul, it was her Cold Hearted video - my god, the woman could dance! She was more than just the pretty judge! X-Files, I was channel surfing and my mother told me to stop, that I'd really like this show. I kept flipping to spite her but after she left, I put it back. The episode was Home, the one that was banned from television when it first aired, but I loved it. As for explaining what this feels like, I'm not sure I adequately can but it feels like a spark. A spark inside and a growing light behind my eyes. Maybe a tiny bit of adrenaline.
13.) Does that feeling go away after you've fangirled someone for a while? And if so, do you move on to something else or do you keep fangirling that person? Why?
I think it does but it never completely goes away. I've often given the metaphor of the Fandom Car - you're driving, and only one fandom can ride shotgun at a time. All of your other favorites are in the backseat though, able to be ushered to the front next time you stop for gas. Like I can recall three separate waves of Catherine Zeta-Jones obsession. I feel like I fangirl people and shows that I need most at any given time in my life.
14.) How close do you like to get to the subjects of your fandom? (ie: some of you might have met your favorite actor several times at conventions, while others prefer not to meet actors at all.) Does that change your perception of how real a show is, or how real a character feels to you?
I've met Paula Abdul twice but that's about it - I can't say I've met a fandom subject/character so I don't know how that would have changed me. But hypothetically, if I had met Hugh Laurie, I feel like it would have been an amazing experience - it may have changed how I viewed the show but I think at that point I had known that the characters were played by actors and weren't entirely real.
15.) Since you've started doing some stuff behind the scenes/on sets, have TV shows/characters started to feel less real to you since you know what goes on behind the camera?
Absolutely - it's gotten better but the first film I saw in a theater after I'd done work on a movie set, I was so distracted by film-making elements, especially art department work (that was what I was doing at the time), that I cried out of fear I'd never be able to truly enjoy a film ever again. These distractions still come up when I watch TV shows, but I'm able to control them more and get over them more easily. Instead of freaking out that I can't focus on the show, I look at it as a way to appreciate the people involved like me who specifically chose that beautiful poster back there but will never get any attention or recognition for it. In addition to noticing someone's work, I try to look at those moments as learning opportunities - since working in production, every film and television show has become a learning opportunity as well as a piece of entertainment, so I think there's a special value in that.
16.) Does vidding make you feel closer to your favorite characters?
Absolutely - vidding is such an important part of fandom for me, because it's like I get to spend time with these people. Editing a timeline of their story (or writing a new one) is akin to sitting down with a fictional character for coffee. That's honestly what it feels like. Sometimes it's light-hearted and funny, sometimes it turns into a really emotionally-charged conversation. I use the term "conversation" because for every video I've made, I've learned something or explored a corner of myself, as well.
17.) Do you feel like vidding helps you to understand them in ways that you didn't understand them from the show itself?
Yes. I started providing commentary with my videos because I needed people to understand these people and these stories the way I came to understand them through the process of editing them. I've had people tell me that they enjoy my edits and commentary more than the actual show sometimes. I don't say that to brag or act like I'm some kind of authority on the subject, I say it to speak to the power of editing and the process of taken what you're given and exploring it so much deeper.
18.) Is it worth it? Is there part of you that prefers fangirling privately and keeping the characters to yourself, or is it better to share it with others? Why/why not?
I think there are merits and challenges of both. Fangirling privately automatically increases the realness of the show and characters, and also frees you from being affected by others' criticisms. There are some storylines and plot points that you are indifferent to or even like that, had you been involved in fandom, totally hated simply because everyone else was bitching about how weak they were. Fangirling publicly/sharing with others definitely increases passion. There are people who choose to remain spoiler-free but I look back on spoiler speculation as some of my favorite moments in life. Staying up all night, having charged conversation threads with tons of different people, so much possibility and passion. People are so fucking alive there which I think is the biggest benefit of sharing your fandom with others.
19.) Do you have any memories of fangirling that you look back on now and find completely embarrassing?
The fanfic thing from #10. I also posted a video blog after House and Cuddy finally "got together" and I'm totally crying and ridiculous. I leave it up because a lot of people felt the same way and seemed to appreciate how raw I was being about it, but now I look at it and can't believe I posted it. I must have feel really safe. I got an email from the prop master who had somehow seen it, I wanted to shrivel up and die but he really appreciated it, and appreciated being a part of something that made someone feel the way that I felt. He sent me a private set still as a thank you, so ultimately it was worth it and received well but still kind of embarrassing, especially given how the show ended up and how resentful I am of it now.
20.) Do you have a self-defined “low point” in your life as a fangirl?
I'm not sure if you mean feeling pathetic for loving something so much or just being depressed - if it's the former, I don't have a low-point, but if it's the latter I can't help but think of when it was announced that Lisa Edelstein would not be returning for the last season of House. I was at work and I checked my phone on a break to see that I had tons of texts and tweets about the news. I started crying without thought or consent and had to leave my desk. I had already had an awful day at work, temping for a super incompetent bitch who didn't know her right foot from her left yet somehow made more money than me, and the news completely broke me. I finished out the couple of hours I had left but couldn't focus at all. I literally stared at the screen and pretended to type when people walked by. I couldn't get out of there fast enough and she even tried to keep me late but I was firm. I full-on sobbed in my car, called my boyfriend in hysterics and asked him to please meet me for a drink somewhere. I cried in the middle of Don Pablos and didn't even care, I bet it looked so ridiculous but it was a completely earth-shattering day.
21.) Have you ever found yourself fangirling someone too much, and then disliking them as a result of that?
Never! Although... I didn't actually fangirl Coldplay but I liked them so much at one point that they bug me now? Maybe it's different with music, lol.
22.) Does the experience of watching a character once a week on TV engage you in different ways than if you just saw them occasionally in a movie or something? How does it affect your day-to-day life?
Absolutely - you become so much more invested. Think of your real life - are you more invested in lives of friends that you talk to every day/week, or the friends who only meet you for dinner every three years when they're in town?
23.) On the other hand, a movie or book is a polished, perfected work. Is there a certain satisfaction you get from watching a character that's been perfected, versus watching a week-to-week character who is vulnerable to the constantly changing forces of television?
I suppose, but that's assuming that the writers/film-makers did it right the first time. Or, let me rephrase, that you agree with their characterization. The terms "polished" and "perfected" are entirely subjective. With television, you can attach to a character that you're attracted to and follow their story for years, even if they aren't the protagonist. I think it frees you up from the writer's bias a little bit. You can of course attach to a secondary character in a film but it's often less rewarding because after two hours, it's over. You know nothing beyond that. It's a lot easier to choose and find someone you identify with in a television show and continue to learn about them. Say you do naturally attach to the protagonist as intended - in a film, if they end up doing something that you don't agree with or turn into a bastardization of the character you initially loved, that's it. In a series, you always hold out hope that they'll come to their senses, or revert back to the one you fell in love with. You get to see that play out and even though I guess it's the same with directors and show-runners in that they get the final say, I feel like with the former it's more "my way or the highway". Also with television it's a lot more interactive. When David Shore set out to do House, he'd intended for Cameron to be his love interest, which he started with. When it was realized that not only did Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein have true natural chemistry, but that fans really wanted to see that play out, he shifted focus and was able to work with that pairing. In a film, that wouldn't have happened.
24.) A lot of shows that last a long time swap out old characters for often uninteresting new characters. Why do you think the new characters have less appeal than the original ones?
My question is, why do the show runners think the new characters have more appeal than the old ones? I think they appeal to us less because, as I talked about earlier, we've already made an investment. I understand that in X-Files it was a negotiation gone wrong that swapped out David Duchovny for Robert Patrick, but in House they brought in new fellows and still kept the old ones. I suppose it was an effort to stay true to the idea that a fellowship was only three years long, which makes sense, but I think that show runners just get bored and/or lazy. They want to play with the shiny new thing instead of working to keep continuity and consistency with a character they've already created and delved into.
25.) Have you had any experiences where you have felt less engaged with a character over time because a show has declined in quality? If so, what was it about the show or character that changed to make them seem so different? (Actions, personality, dialogue, etc)
UM, House? It had been declining for awhile but when he DROVE HIS CAR into his ex-girlfriend's dining room just because she had another guy over for dinner, that was so fucking it. It wasn't even believable and no matter how many times TPTB try to tell people that it was Housian and in-character, they are fucking wrong. What I loved about House in the beginning was the intelligence and the tackling of moral and ethical issues. These things also declined and got sloppy but I was able to overlook it because I was so compelled by the layers of House and Cuddy's relationship and history. When that declined and got lazy as well, there was nothing to keep me there. I need to revisit a previous question - when talking about the interactivity between TPTB and audience that is made possible through a television show, this can absolutely take a negative turn. I was SO turned off by Greg Yaitanes (House producer) and his nonchalance on Twitter about the entire thing. He never addressed anything with even a hint of understanding, only the petulance of a child. This in turn affected my enjoyment of the show as well. Going into it, he would tweet about House in relation to Cuddy to build buzz. He supported it and talked about it all the time. Then it went south, he addressed it with a simple "KABOOM" and then started talking shit about the relationship and those of us who supported it. It felt like a slap in the face, it was such a double bind situation - get us to get behind the pairing and then reprimand us for it. I felt like I was being punished for daring to love his artwork.
26.) How do you deal with a character who just doesn't feel the same anymore? When you watch the bad episodes, are they still the same character? Or an alternate universe character? Or do you just separate it from canon in your head?
Yeah, I kind of ignore it and separate it. With House it's too new and I'm still so pissed off that I hate the character even in reruns right now, but with X-Files I learned to treat seasons 8 and 9 as a separate show. When I compare it to The X-Files, yeah, it's bad, but when I look at it as a standalone show, it's not bad at all. That learned principle has translated in my real life as well - I'm able to separate things more and it's really helpful because I get less caught up in "WHYYYYY CAN'T THIS BE LIKE IT USED TO" and am able to appreciate things for what they are.
27.) Sometimes, when things go wrong, members of a fandom are quite vocal about discussing exactly who is to blame, or what went wrong with the show. Have you ever been involved in discussions like this?
Yes of course - if we're going to talk about things when they're going right, we're definitely going to talk about things when they're going wrong. A great example is when Lisa Edelstein did not return to House and it was a contract problem. We still don't know exactly what happened or what was said, we don't know if she was fired or if she quit, so there's been a lot of speculation about what happened. Some blame the network for slashing the budget, some blame whoever may have asked her to take a pay-cut, some blame her for not "staying loyal" even if it meant being paid less than her male counterparts (and we're not talking about Hugh Laurie - it would be wrong for her to ask for the same salary as him - we're talking about Robert Sean Leonard, who is the final point in the OT3 core who holds Greg House together). There has been a lot of vocal discussion on these issues, and what pisses me off about them is seeing her own fans saying she should have stayed in a situation she was potentially uncomfortable with just for their benefit.
28.) If so, have these discussions made you feel any better about the way the show has changed?
No. lol.
29.) Have you ever tried, as a viewer, to reverse these changes by your own means? Do you think it's worth it?'
Yes and absolutely. Another huge reason I edit fanvideos is to explore potential that I think the show wasted. I don't consider myself a fanfic writer but it's the same thing for them - it's a way to make sense of the show and to tell stories that we believe are worth telling, to explore lost or missed opportunity.
30.) How do you deal with situations where the real world is at fault for a show changing (ie: one of the actors quits to have children)? Does it mess up the image of a fictional world to have something perfect in canon be disrupted by a real life event? Is it harder to take the show seriously after that?
It's really difficult - it does completely disrupt the fictional world. This is one of the things I include when I mention that it could be easier to not be involved in fandom. If you don't follow the actors and producers' comments, if you don't seek out or follow anything not presented on the screen in front of you in its designated time slot, you can assume that Mulder really DID get abducted by aliens and that it was an intentional, creative choice. When you find out that it wasn't, that can be really damaging, not only to the credibility of the character but to your enjoyment of the show as a whole.
31.) What does it take for you to stop watching a show?
Common trend I've noticed is that it usually takes my favorite person leaving the show to make me stop. Because if they're still there, even if I disagree with the direction that the show has taken I can take what they give me and edit it into something that I agree with, something that I feel stays true to the characters and what they're worth.
32.) If death is often the worst thing that can happen in the real world, why do writers play around with it like a plot tool? (In some cases, they say it's because they "used up" a character or ran out of stories for them.) Are writers entitled to kill characters who have a certain semblance of reality for viewers?
Again it goes back to laziness or boredom in combination with a desire for ratings. If someone dies, people will watch. It's really sad that they have to resort to so cheap a trick just to garner attention instead of consistently writing compelling material that sells itself. I suppose they are entitled to kill them off, provided it's for a genuine, character-based reason. A thing you have to consider too is that in real-life, people die of accidents all the time. Even if a character was killed in a car accident completely randomly, people like us and the audience would scrutinize it as a plot point. In a film class once, our professor told a story about some regular guy who just walked right into an English palace. He never got caught, never encountered any issues. I wish I could remember the actual incident because it truly did happen in real-life. He used it to demonstrate how it'd be an awful film, and explained that life and film, while connected, are different in the way that they are perceived.
33.) Do you think the prolonged exposure we have to TV characters makes killing them off a different act than killing off a film or book character?
Yes. Again, it all goes back to investment. With a television show that's been on for years, it almost comes down to simple math - years vs. two hours or the two days it took you to read the book.
34.) In general, how do you feel about the practice of killing off fictional characters? Do you vote yes or no (or something else)? Why?
I feel if it's done well (read: it's not a blatant plot device or plea for ratings), it's acceptable. If it's completely gratuitous or makes no sense, it ruins all credibility of the show then and there.
35.) Do writers have a responsibility to teach their viewers by making their own artistic decisions, or is their main responsibility to give their viewers what they want? Where do you draw the line for what they should be responsible for?
I think it's not the worst thing in the world to strive for some sort of balance. As an artist, I appreciate that it's their project and take the "if you don't like it, don't watch my art" approach, but I also respect that audience is really important and that without it, you're not as strong or worth as much. This is what bothered me about the aforementioned Greg Yaitanes twitter thing, he acted as if we were worth nothing while refusing to acknowledge that without a passionate audience, they wouldn't have been 7 seasons in at the time.
36.) What genre pushes you to get attached to characters most easily? What qualities do they have that pulls you in?
I've thought a lot about what gets me attracted to a specific character or actor - they usually need to have a main core quality that I already possess, in addition to one that I desire. A common link and something to hope and strive for. I also want to reference my Fandom Car metaphor - whatever is riding shotgun is whatever I need most at any given time. If I need stability and youth and the idea of a huge uncertain future laid out before me, I gravitate toward X-Files. If I'm feeling misunderstood or unorthodox or complicated and hope to be successful even in spite of those reasons, House is a great thing to fall into.
37.) Have you ever decided to watch a show because you heard or saw something about a character and immediately knew you were going to fangirl them?
I can't recall anything at the moment but it's possible. It's typical that people can tell me to watch a show as much as they'd like, but I won't become obsessed unless I find it on my own at the right time.
38.) Do you see any trends, or common traits, in the characters you frequently find yourself fangirling?
They are strong, they are passionate, they are layered. They can be quirky and free-spirited. This is a hard question to answer because I typically am drawn to actors or relationships.
39.) Have you ever connected your chosen characters with your past experiences and psychological issues they seem to be related to? If so, what are they?
I really noticed a connection between House/Cuddy and a "relationship" I had with a man in my real-life. I put relationship in quotes because we were never officially together, but we slept together more than once and there was the same complicated chemistry. I feel like having experienced it to some degree in my personal life allowed me to empathize and understand the show relationship much more. And then being with him, or even just exchanging witty banter with him was emphasized because, knowing House/Cuddy, I knew where it could go and how sexy it looked from the outside. I am having a really hard time articulating this right now, lol, even though I feel like I've written novels on the subject. I edited House and Cuddy to help me deal with what I was going through in my personal life - they were a beautiful vehicle. I told mine and his story through the videos, and vice versa - feeling their story through us. When I did write small fic about them, I was really writing about us. It gave me so much inspiration to have the two opposite view points/realities to play with. Each fed the other.
40.) Have you ever noticed your taste in characters or actors evolving and changing as you've changed?
I feel like they've gotten less shallow - as I grow older, it's less about loving people who I think are pretty and more about loving people who are great models of character.
41.) What is your favorite detail or aspect of your favorite television character that makes you love them more than any others?
My favorite character is probably Mulder because I really love his passion for what he believes in. He is told time and time again that he is wrong and crazy but he doesn't give a shit, for years he goes on trying to prove what he believes in. I am really drawn to that. He is strong and vulnerable at the same time, and his ability to trust Scully is nothing short of inspiring.
42.) Have they ever changed you? How?
He's changed me for the better, unquestionably. He taught me that anything you feel that deeply is worth fighting for, even at the risk of alienating people (no pun intended) or being widely considered crazy. He's taught me that when you find someone who makes you better, even if they are the opposite of you, to hang onto them like hell. He's made me feel the full spectrum of emotion, and strive to continue to feel it.
43.) What is the best thing a character or show has ever done for you? The worst?
Aside from things like #42, a character (or other related fandom object - a relationship, an actor, etc) has brought me to the most amazing friends I've ever known. Because of fandom, I literally have friends in every corner of the world. My best friend lives in England and has been over to visit three times, planning a fourth for this summer. I can completely be myself around this girl, and it's because of Cuddy and Lisa Edelstein. I have friends I met through X-Files who I still keep in touch with and I met them when I was 12. I've taken road trips from Nashville to New York with incredibly smart women I had never met in person before. I was in line for an American Idol taping and I met up with some fangirls for the first time. One of them was a dance teacher and mentioned that I had really nice fouette turns - I had posted a video of a dance routine on my blog and she remembered that. "I think the reason online friendships are so special is that people can't be as shallow as they can be in real-life - the friendship is based entirely on words and communication, not how you dress or where your family fits in society," she said. She's completely right and I still think about that conversation. Plus there's a special bond that exists between people who all love the same thing that much - they "get me". Since I've already talked about editing so much, I have to mention that I edited a video of Paula Abdul's dance career. A girl in the Netherlands saw it and wrote me an extensive letter about how that video changed her life. We spent that entire day just talking, I still remember that day - I was in my first year of college, it was gray and rainy outside and I spent the entire day on my laptop just talking to this amazing new friend. She is unquestionably my soulmate and any time life gets difficult, I think of her and how lucky I am to know her. I know that 95% of people in this world will never know what it feels like to have the kind of connection I have with her and I just feel so fucking blessed every day and every time I hear from her. I still have never seen her in person, but we make video blogs for each other sometimes and have exchanged over 10,000 emails. She is incredibly kind and gentle overall, and I can be so headstrong and brash, but somehow it makes the most sense in the entire world - we both see and feel the world the same. I never would have found her if not for fandom and fandom art, even though we rarely - if ever - talk about those things anymore. We're going to write a children's book someday, about long distance friendships. <3 <3 <3
The worst.... it's hard for me to think of a "worst", really. My first year of college I was totally absorbed in House fandom to the point where I feel like I may have missed out on the typical level of social interaction that occurs in college, but if I'm being honest I'm not that big of an extrovert and even to this day if I spend more than three days being consistently social I start to lose my shit. So I'd say that the time I spent in my room honing my editing skills was time well spent. I was led to a close online friendship that took an awful turn and that was incredibly stressful. But one bad apple isn't enough to cancel out the rest of the grand friendships I've made, so it's hardly the worst in the grand scheme of things. Overall I think characters, shows, and actors have done wonders for my life and for making me into the person I am today.
44.) What do you think your life would be like today if you had never fangirled anything? Where would you be? What would you be doing? Would you be better or worse off?
I WOULD PROBABLY BE SO FUCKING BORING. I feel like fandom has giving me an amazing sense of humor and enabled me to be much less shy. I used to be so incredibly shy but now I'm much more open and friendly. And - here's the big one - I would not have developed the artistic skills and inclination that now provide my source of income. I quite literally found a career path through fandom, among all of the other things I've mentioned. I wouldn't have realized my love of editing, I wouldn't have felt the need to teach myself Photoshop, and these are things that pay my bills now. And beyond that, they are things that I love. I have no idea what I'd be doing now - I might be a writer or I might have graduated with a Psychology degree instead. There is nothing wrong with Psychology and it absolutely still interests me but I do feel like I'd be worse off. I'd express much less, and I feel like I'd be a duller individual.
45.) Do you think fandom makes us better people? Or worse people? Or something else?
It depends on how you handle it. That crazy bitch who chased Lisa Edelstein through her hotel and almost got arrested? PROBABLY has been made a worse person by fandom. The people who are in their 30's and living in their mom's basement with no career ideas because they spend too much time locked in a dark room participating in fandom? Probably worse off. But by in large I think that fandom can make people better - it teaches them to participate in the stories of others, to discover themselves through those stories, it gives them like-minded people to bond with and appreciate, and even when things go wrong it teaches you how to have a thick skin.
I WOULD LOVE YOUR THOUGHTS/STORIES ON ANY OF THESE ISSUES.
♥
01.) What fandoms do you identify yourself with, past and/or present?
X-Files, House MD, American Idol (a lot more but they were tinier so I'll mostly talk about these three)
02.) Out of all these, in which one do you think you had the strongest experience with the fandom community itself? Why do you think it was a strong experience?
House MD, definitely. When I was involved with X-Files, I was much younger, which of course translates to me being a little more immature in my interactions with others, and also at that point I didn't have a handle on how to Photoshop or edit video and these were the things that strengthened my involvement in the House fandom. I came into XF at the end of its seventh season, and I came into House toward the end of its second. So I got to be with House in realtime a lot longer.
03.) Has frequent interaction with a fandom community (ie: weekly post-episode chats) altered the level of intensity (either more or less) with which you experience a show or connect to its characters? How so?
I think about this all the time - X-Files still feels so much more personal and to an extent, real, than House does. I think when you get involved in a fandom community, it can be a GREAT, fun, energetic and passionate experience, but at the same time can constantly remind you that the show is just that - a show. At the end of the day, I am absolutely happy I've gotten to experience both sides of that coin.
04.) Do you feel connected to people in your fandoms who watch the same show, but are obsessed with a completely different character than you?
It depends on how they conduct themselves - as long as they're passionate about the show as a whole and don't make a point of knocking the character that I love, it can be a great experience as it expands the sense of camaraderie you get. However, if they're really close-minded and catty and seem to ONLY watch for their character or ship I hate, then we literally have nothing to say to each other lol.
05.) How do you feel about people who discuss TV shows in reviews, on forums, etc, but aren't involved in fandom, or not emotionally engaged with those shows? How do you make sense of what they're doing?
I guess I see them as part of a group of people who waste some time? I don't know - I understand that everyone is entitled to an opinion but to talk about something you're not emotionally engaged with doesn't make much sense to me. I suppose this is assuming they're talking shit but the same can be said for people who give positive reviews. It is some people's job to review all sorts of shows they'll never have time to form a real connection with, too. So in that respect it makes a lot more sense.
06.) Has a fandom ever changed the way you look at a show? How?
Yes - as mentioned in my answer to #3, fandom has the ability to constantly remind you it is "just a show", that these characters are not real, independent, breathing human beings. Being involved in the creative side of fandom - graphic art, video editing - has definitely made me look at a show differently because I watch every episode with those glasses on - what story can I tell on top of theirs? How can I lyrically communicate the same stories?
07.) Are there any fandoms with people that drive you absolutely crazy? What do they do that drives you crazy?
THE LISA EDELSTEIN FANDOM DRIVES ME FUCKING NUTS. When I first started watching House, the number of people who loved Cuddy's actress beyond the show were very few. Really, I think of myself and about five other people. She obviously started getting more attention, especially when she became entangled with the lead character, and now she has fans all over the world which is extraordinary. However, there are a lot of overseas fans who are, let's just say... a little too passionate about her. I read a recount of a fan who met her in Italy - she posted the tale on her own blog as if she were proud of the fact that she chased her through a hotel and had to get hauled off by security. She was bragging about this, about how - regardless of the outcome - this was her dream and it came true. Fucking batshit. There was also a really weird ad taken out in the paper and rumors of IVF simply because Cuddy tried it.
08.) What to you, is the right way to fangirl? What type of fangirling is going too far? Or what's not enough to qualify?
I don't know, I guess it depends on the person but to me fangirling is loving something so much that it can't be contained inside you, and it changes your life for the better. There's a difference between fangirling and just loving someone. I absolutely fangirl Paula Abdul - I have every remix of all of her songs, I've watched all of her performances from the 80's to now, I feel a connection to her. There are people I loved and appreciate but don't consider myself a fangirl - I love Susan Sarandon and Laura Linney and Sela Ward, I think I could get to the fangirling point with them someday but I'm not there yet. When you fangirl someone, you know.
09.) How do you go about fangirling someone or something, ie: what “activities” make up your process?
Watching all of the work they've done, reading/watching every interview you can possibly find, announcing to your blog/the world that you're so totally in love with so-and-so, and calling for others who are so totally in love with so-and-so to step up and tell you so you can "flail". The come a series of MSN conversations or emails just full of gushing about said person. It always feels good to realize you're not alone, that something about this person or show is genuinely amazing and not just a personal bias. Then there comes the purchasing of all the relevant DVDs, and for me there's editing. Editing is such an important fandom activity for me because it allows me to truly communicate what I see and feel when I look at these shows. I'll talk about this more on a later question. :)
10.) Has your process of fangirling evolved over time?
Yes, oh my word - when I was into X-Files, I was way more vocal about it. I was just finishing up middle school, and I still cringe when I think about the time that me and my friend Sally had our math teacher read our fanfiction because ~he loved XF too~ and we thought he was hot. I would never in a million years do that now. The series ended the night before we were all to take a Grade 8 trip to Chicago. I was predictably a basketcase. I printed off all of the finale promo shots, laminated them, and brought them with to put up in our hotel. I think it helped that I had smart friends who liked the show too, but still.
11.) What was your first fangirl experience, and what was it like?
I don't remember a defined first experience, but I remember a general feeling - I started out on FOX's X-Files forum, I still remember exactly how it looked and felt. There were tons of creative people I looked up to, and through that found another board aptly called Creative, where people would post beautiful fanart from a bunch of different fandoms. I wanted to learn it so much. Videos, too - there was a video editor called Lyle and he was amazing, he made me want to learn to edit so badly.
12.) When you watch someone in something and realize that you're going to be obsessed with them, does that trigger a certain emotion or sensation for you that is different from what you experience watching a show or character you don't fangirl? What does it feel like?
Yes - for everything I've ever fangirled, I can trace it back to a specific moment which I've often referred to as the "catalyst". For Lisa Edelstein, it was a tour of the House set - she was so funny and audacious, so different from her character. For Paula Abdul, it was her Cold Hearted video - my god, the woman could dance! She was more than just the pretty judge! X-Files, I was channel surfing and my mother told me to stop, that I'd really like this show. I kept flipping to spite her but after she left, I put it back. The episode was Home, the one that was banned from television when it first aired, but I loved it. As for explaining what this feels like, I'm not sure I adequately can but it feels like a spark. A spark inside and a growing light behind my eyes. Maybe a tiny bit of adrenaline.
13.) Does that feeling go away after you've fangirled someone for a while? And if so, do you move on to something else or do you keep fangirling that person? Why?
I think it does but it never completely goes away. I've often given the metaphor of the Fandom Car - you're driving, and only one fandom can ride shotgun at a time. All of your other favorites are in the backseat though, able to be ushered to the front next time you stop for gas. Like I can recall three separate waves of Catherine Zeta-Jones obsession. I feel like I fangirl people and shows that I need most at any given time in my life.
14.) How close do you like to get to the subjects of your fandom? (ie: some of you might have met your favorite actor several times at conventions, while others prefer not to meet actors at all.) Does that change your perception of how real a show is, or how real a character feels to you?
I've met Paula Abdul twice but that's about it - I can't say I've met a fandom subject/character so I don't know how that would have changed me. But hypothetically, if I had met Hugh Laurie, I feel like it would have been an amazing experience - it may have changed how I viewed the show but I think at that point I had known that the characters were played by actors and weren't entirely real.
15.) Since you've started doing some stuff behind the scenes/on sets, have TV shows/characters started to feel less real to you since you know what goes on behind the camera?
Absolutely - it's gotten better but the first film I saw in a theater after I'd done work on a movie set, I was so distracted by film-making elements, especially art department work (that was what I was doing at the time), that I cried out of fear I'd never be able to truly enjoy a film ever again. These distractions still come up when I watch TV shows, but I'm able to control them more and get over them more easily. Instead of freaking out that I can't focus on the show, I look at it as a way to appreciate the people involved like me who specifically chose that beautiful poster back there but will never get any attention or recognition for it. In addition to noticing someone's work, I try to look at those moments as learning opportunities - since working in production, every film and television show has become a learning opportunity as well as a piece of entertainment, so I think there's a special value in that.
16.) Does vidding make you feel closer to your favorite characters?
Absolutely - vidding is such an important part of fandom for me, because it's like I get to spend time with these people. Editing a timeline of their story (or writing a new one) is akin to sitting down with a fictional character for coffee. That's honestly what it feels like. Sometimes it's light-hearted and funny, sometimes it turns into a really emotionally-charged conversation. I use the term "conversation" because for every video I've made, I've learned something or explored a corner of myself, as well.
17.) Do you feel like vidding helps you to understand them in ways that you didn't understand them from the show itself?
Yes. I started providing commentary with my videos because I needed people to understand these people and these stories the way I came to understand them through the process of editing them. I've had people tell me that they enjoy my edits and commentary more than the actual show sometimes. I don't say that to brag or act like I'm some kind of authority on the subject, I say it to speak to the power of editing and the process of taken what you're given and exploring it so much deeper.
18.) Is it worth it? Is there part of you that prefers fangirling privately and keeping the characters to yourself, or is it better to share it with others? Why/why not?
I think there are merits and challenges of both. Fangirling privately automatically increases the realness of the show and characters, and also frees you from being affected by others' criticisms. There are some storylines and plot points that you are indifferent to or even like that, had you been involved in fandom, totally hated simply because everyone else was bitching about how weak they were. Fangirling publicly/sharing with others definitely increases passion. There are people who choose to remain spoiler-free but I look back on spoiler speculation as some of my favorite moments in life. Staying up all night, having charged conversation threads with tons of different people, so much possibility and passion. People are so fucking alive there which I think is the biggest benefit of sharing your fandom with others.
19.) Do you have any memories of fangirling that you look back on now and find completely embarrassing?
The fanfic thing from #10. I also posted a video blog after House and Cuddy finally "got together" and I'm totally crying and ridiculous. I leave it up because a lot of people felt the same way and seemed to appreciate how raw I was being about it, but now I look at it and can't believe I posted it. I must have feel really safe. I got an email from the prop master who had somehow seen it, I wanted to shrivel up and die but he really appreciated it, and appreciated being a part of something that made someone feel the way that I felt. He sent me a private set still as a thank you, so ultimately it was worth it and received well but still kind of embarrassing, especially given how the show ended up and how resentful I am of it now.
20.) Do you have a self-defined “low point” in your life as a fangirl?
I'm not sure if you mean feeling pathetic for loving something so much or just being depressed - if it's the former, I don't have a low-point, but if it's the latter I can't help but think of when it was announced that Lisa Edelstein would not be returning for the last season of House. I was at work and I checked my phone on a break to see that I had tons of texts and tweets about the news. I started crying without thought or consent and had to leave my desk. I had already had an awful day at work, temping for a super incompetent bitch who didn't know her right foot from her left yet somehow made more money than me, and the news completely broke me. I finished out the couple of hours I had left but couldn't focus at all. I literally stared at the screen and pretended to type when people walked by. I couldn't get out of there fast enough and she even tried to keep me late but I was firm. I full-on sobbed in my car, called my boyfriend in hysterics and asked him to please meet me for a drink somewhere. I cried in the middle of Don Pablos and didn't even care, I bet it looked so ridiculous but it was a completely earth-shattering day.
21.) Have you ever found yourself fangirling someone too much, and then disliking them as a result of that?
Never! Although... I didn't actually fangirl Coldplay but I liked them so much at one point that they bug me now? Maybe it's different with music, lol.
22.) Does the experience of watching a character once a week on TV engage you in different ways than if you just saw them occasionally in a movie or something? How does it affect your day-to-day life?
Absolutely - you become so much more invested. Think of your real life - are you more invested in lives of friends that you talk to every day/week, or the friends who only meet you for dinner every three years when they're in town?
23.) On the other hand, a movie or book is a polished, perfected work. Is there a certain satisfaction you get from watching a character that's been perfected, versus watching a week-to-week character who is vulnerable to the constantly changing forces of television?
I suppose, but that's assuming that the writers/film-makers did it right the first time. Or, let me rephrase, that you agree with their characterization. The terms "polished" and "perfected" are entirely subjective. With television, you can attach to a character that you're attracted to and follow their story for years, even if they aren't the protagonist. I think it frees you up from the writer's bias a little bit. You can of course attach to a secondary character in a film but it's often less rewarding because after two hours, it's over. You know nothing beyond that. It's a lot easier to choose and find someone you identify with in a television show and continue to learn about them. Say you do naturally attach to the protagonist as intended - in a film, if they end up doing something that you don't agree with or turn into a bastardization of the character you initially loved, that's it. In a series, you always hold out hope that they'll come to their senses, or revert back to the one you fell in love with. You get to see that play out and even though I guess it's the same with directors and show-runners in that they get the final say, I feel like with the former it's more "my way or the highway". Also with television it's a lot more interactive. When David Shore set out to do House, he'd intended for Cameron to be his love interest, which he started with. When it was realized that not only did Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein have true natural chemistry, but that fans really wanted to see that play out, he shifted focus and was able to work with that pairing. In a film, that wouldn't have happened.
24.) A lot of shows that last a long time swap out old characters for often uninteresting new characters. Why do you think the new characters have less appeal than the original ones?
My question is, why do the show runners think the new characters have more appeal than the old ones? I think they appeal to us less because, as I talked about earlier, we've already made an investment. I understand that in X-Files it was a negotiation gone wrong that swapped out David Duchovny for Robert Patrick, but in House they brought in new fellows and still kept the old ones. I suppose it was an effort to stay true to the idea that a fellowship was only three years long, which makes sense, but I think that show runners just get bored and/or lazy. They want to play with the shiny new thing instead of working to keep continuity and consistency with a character they've already created and delved into.
25.) Have you had any experiences where you have felt less engaged with a character over time because a show has declined in quality? If so, what was it about the show or character that changed to make them seem so different? (Actions, personality, dialogue, etc)
UM, House? It had been declining for awhile but when he DROVE HIS CAR into his ex-girlfriend's dining room just because she had another guy over for dinner, that was so fucking it. It wasn't even believable and no matter how many times TPTB try to tell people that it was Housian and in-character, they are fucking wrong. What I loved about House in the beginning was the intelligence and the tackling of moral and ethical issues. These things also declined and got sloppy but I was able to overlook it because I was so compelled by the layers of House and Cuddy's relationship and history. When that declined and got lazy as well, there was nothing to keep me there. I need to revisit a previous question - when talking about the interactivity between TPTB and audience that is made possible through a television show, this can absolutely take a negative turn. I was SO turned off by Greg Yaitanes (House producer) and his nonchalance on Twitter about the entire thing. He never addressed anything with even a hint of understanding, only the petulance of a child. This in turn affected my enjoyment of the show as well. Going into it, he would tweet about House in relation to Cuddy to build buzz. He supported it and talked about it all the time. Then it went south, he addressed it with a simple "KABOOM" and then started talking shit about the relationship and those of us who supported it. It felt like a slap in the face, it was such a double bind situation - get us to get behind the pairing and then reprimand us for it. I felt like I was being punished for daring to love his artwork.
26.) How do you deal with a character who just doesn't feel the same anymore? When you watch the bad episodes, are they still the same character? Or an alternate universe character? Or do you just separate it from canon in your head?
Yeah, I kind of ignore it and separate it. With House it's too new and I'm still so pissed off that I hate the character even in reruns right now, but with X-Files I learned to treat seasons 8 and 9 as a separate show. When I compare it to The X-Files, yeah, it's bad, but when I look at it as a standalone show, it's not bad at all. That learned principle has translated in my real life as well - I'm able to separate things more and it's really helpful because I get less caught up in "WHYYYYY CAN'T THIS BE LIKE IT USED TO" and am able to appreciate things for what they are.
27.) Sometimes, when things go wrong, members of a fandom are quite vocal about discussing exactly who is to blame, or what went wrong with the show. Have you ever been involved in discussions like this?
Yes of course - if we're going to talk about things when they're going right, we're definitely going to talk about things when they're going wrong. A great example is when Lisa Edelstein did not return to House and it was a contract problem. We still don't know exactly what happened or what was said, we don't know if she was fired or if she quit, so there's been a lot of speculation about what happened. Some blame the network for slashing the budget, some blame whoever may have asked her to take a pay-cut, some blame her for not "staying loyal" even if it meant being paid less than her male counterparts (and we're not talking about Hugh Laurie - it would be wrong for her to ask for the same salary as him - we're talking about Robert Sean Leonard, who is the final point in the OT3 core who holds Greg House together). There has been a lot of vocal discussion on these issues, and what pisses me off about them is seeing her own fans saying she should have stayed in a situation she was potentially uncomfortable with just for their benefit.
28.) If so, have these discussions made you feel any better about the way the show has changed?
No. lol.
29.) Have you ever tried, as a viewer, to reverse these changes by your own means? Do you think it's worth it?'
Yes and absolutely. Another huge reason I edit fanvideos is to explore potential that I think the show wasted. I don't consider myself a fanfic writer but it's the same thing for them - it's a way to make sense of the show and to tell stories that we believe are worth telling, to explore lost or missed opportunity.
30.) How do you deal with situations where the real world is at fault for a show changing (ie: one of the actors quits to have children)? Does it mess up the image of a fictional world to have something perfect in canon be disrupted by a real life event? Is it harder to take the show seriously after that?
It's really difficult - it does completely disrupt the fictional world. This is one of the things I include when I mention that it could be easier to not be involved in fandom. If you don't follow the actors and producers' comments, if you don't seek out or follow anything not presented on the screen in front of you in its designated time slot, you can assume that Mulder really DID get abducted by aliens and that it was an intentional, creative choice. When you find out that it wasn't, that can be really damaging, not only to the credibility of the character but to your enjoyment of the show as a whole.
31.) What does it take for you to stop watching a show?
Common trend I've noticed is that it usually takes my favorite person leaving the show to make me stop. Because if they're still there, even if I disagree with the direction that the show has taken I can take what they give me and edit it into something that I agree with, something that I feel stays true to the characters and what they're worth.
32.) If death is often the worst thing that can happen in the real world, why do writers play around with it like a plot tool? (In some cases, they say it's because they "used up" a character or ran out of stories for them.) Are writers entitled to kill characters who have a certain semblance of reality for viewers?
Again it goes back to laziness or boredom in combination with a desire for ratings. If someone dies, people will watch. It's really sad that they have to resort to so cheap a trick just to garner attention instead of consistently writing compelling material that sells itself. I suppose they are entitled to kill them off, provided it's for a genuine, character-based reason. A thing you have to consider too is that in real-life, people die of accidents all the time. Even if a character was killed in a car accident completely randomly, people like us and the audience would scrutinize it as a plot point. In a film class once, our professor told a story about some regular guy who just walked right into an English palace. He never got caught, never encountered any issues. I wish I could remember the actual incident because it truly did happen in real-life. He used it to demonstrate how it'd be an awful film, and explained that life and film, while connected, are different in the way that they are perceived.
33.) Do you think the prolonged exposure we have to TV characters makes killing them off a different act than killing off a film or book character?
Yes. Again, it all goes back to investment. With a television show that's been on for years, it almost comes down to simple math - years vs. two hours or the two days it took you to read the book.
34.) In general, how do you feel about the practice of killing off fictional characters? Do you vote yes or no (or something else)? Why?
I feel if it's done well (read: it's not a blatant plot device or plea for ratings), it's acceptable. If it's completely gratuitous or makes no sense, it ruins all credibility of the show then and there.
35.) Do writers have a responsibility to teach their viewers by making their own artistic decisions, or is their main responsibility to give their viewers what they want? Where do you draw the line for what they should be responsible for?
I think it's not the worst thing in the world to strive for some sort of balance. As an artist, I appreciate that it's their project and take the "if you don't like it, don't watch my art" approach, but I also respect that audience is really important and that without it, you're not as strong or worth as much. This is what bothered me about the aforementioned Greg Yaitanes twitter thing, he acted as if we were worth nothing while refusing to acknowledge that without a passionate audience, they wouldn't have been 7 seasons in at the time.
36.) What genre pushes you to get attached to characters most easily? What qualities do they have that pulls you in?
I've thought a lot about what gets me attracted to a specific character or actor - they usually need to have a main core quality that I already possess, in addition to one that I desire. A common link and something to hope and strive for. I also want to reference my Fandom Car metaphor - whatever is riding shotgun is whatever I need most at any given time. If I need stability and youth and the idea of a huge uncertain future laid out before me, I gravitate toward X-Files. If I'm feeling misunderstood or unorthodox or complicated and hope to be successful even in spite of those reasons, House is a great thing to fall into.
37.) Have you ever decided to watch a show because you heard or saw something about a character and immediately knew you were going to fangirl them?
I can't recall anything at the moment but it's possible. It's typical that people can tell me to watch a show as much as they'd like, but I won't become obsessed unless I find it on my own at the right time.
38.) Do you see any trends, or common traits, in the characters you frequently find yourself fangirling?
They are strong, they are passionate, they are layered. They can be quirky and free-spirited. This is a hard question to answer because I typically am drawn to actors or relationships.
39.) Have you ever connected your chosen characters with your past experiences and psychological issues they seem to be related to? If so, what are they?
I really noticed a connection between House/Cuddy and a "relationship" I had with a man in my real-life. I put relationship in quotes because we were never officially together, but we slept together more than once and there was the same complicated chemistry. I feel like having experienced it to some degree in my personal life allowed me to empathize and understand the show relationship much more. And then being with him, or even just exchanging witty banter with him was emphasized because, knowing House/Cuddy, I knew where it could go and how sexy it looked from the outside. I am having a really hard time articulating this right now, lol, even though I feel like I've written novels on the subject. I edited House and Cuddy to help me deal with what I was going through in my personal life - they were a beautiful vehicle. I told mine and his story through the videos, and vice versa - feeling their story through us. When I did write small fic about them, I was really writing about us. It gave me so much inspiration to have the two opposite view points/realities to play with. Each fed the other.
40.) Have you ever noticed your taste in characters or actors evolving and changing as you've changed?
I feel like they've gotten less shallow - as I grow older, it's less about loving people who I think are pretty and more about loving people who are great models of character.
41.) What is your favorite detail or aspect of your favorite television character that makes you love them more than any others?
My favorite character is probably Mulder because I really love his passion for what he believes in. He is told time and time again that he is wrong and crazy but he doesn't give a shit, for years he goes on trying to prove what he believes in. I am really drawn to that. He is strong and vulnerable at the same time, and his ability to trust Scully is nothing short of inspiring.
42.) Have they ever changed you? How?
He's changed me for the better, unquestionably. He taught me that anything you feel that deeply is worth fighting for, even at the risk of alienating people (no pun intended) or being widely considered crazy. He's taught me that when you find someone who makes you better, even if they are the opposite of you, to hang onto them like hell. He's made me feel the full spectrum of emotion, and strive to continue to feel it.
43.) What is the best thing a character or show has ever done for you? The worst?
Aside from things like #42, a character (or other related fandom object - a relationship, an actor, etc) has brought me to the most amazing friends I've ever known. Because of fandom, I literally have friends in every corner of the world. My best friend lives in England and has been over to visit three times, planning a fourth for this summer. I can completely be myself around this girl, and it's because of Cuddy and Lisa Edelstein. I have friends I met through X-Files who I still keep in touch with and I met them when I was 12. I've taken road trips from Nashville to New York with incredibly smart women I had never met in person before. I was in line for an American Idol taping and I met up with some fangirls for the first time. One of them was a dance teacher and mentioned that I had really nice fouette turns - I had posted a video of a dance routine on my blog and she remembered that. "I think the reason online friendships are so special is that people can't be as shallow as they can be in real-life - the friendship is based entirely on words and communication, not how you dress or where your family fits in society," she said. She's completely right and I still think about that conversation. Plus there's a special bond that exists between people who all love the same thing that much - they "get me". Since I've already talked about editing so much, I have to mention that I edited a video of Paula Abdul's dance career. A girl in the Netherlands saw it and wrote me an extensive letter about how that video changed her life. We spent that entire day just talking, I still remember that day - I was in my first year of college, it was gray and rainy outside and I spent the entire day on my laptop just talking to this amazing new friend. She is unquestionably my soulmate and any time life gets difficult, I think of her and how lucky I am to know her. I know that 95% of people in this world will never know what it feels like to have the kind of connection I have with her and I just feel so fucking blessed every day and every time I hear from her. I still have never seen her in person, but we make video blogs for each other sometimes and have exchanged over 10,000 emails. She is incredibly kind and gentle overall, and I can be so headstrong and brash, but somehow it makes the most sense in the entire world - we both see and feel the world the same. I never would have found her if not for fandom and fandom art, even though we rarely - if ever - talk about those things anymore. We're going to write a children's book someday, about long distance friendships. <3 <3 <3
The worst.... it's hard for me to think of a "worst", really. My first year of college I was totally absorbed in House fandom to the point where I feel like I may have missed out on the typical level of social interaction that occurs in college, but if I'm being honest I'm not that big of an extrovert and even to this day if I spend more than three days being consistently social I start to lose my shit. So I'd say that the time I spent in my room honing my editing skills was time well spent. I was led to a close online friendship that took an awful turn and that was incredibly stressful. But one bad apple isn't enough to cancel out the rest of the grand friendships I've made, so it's hardly the worst in the grand scheme of things. Overall I think characters, shows, and actors have done wonders for my life and for making me into the person I am today.
44.) What do you think your life would be like today if you had never fangirled anything? Where would you be? What would you be doing? Would you be better or worse off?
I WOULD PROBABLY BE SO FUCKING BORING. I feel like fandom has giving me an amazing sense of humor and enabled me to be much less shy. I used to be so incredibly shy but now I'm much more open and friendly. And - here's the big one - I would not have developed the artistic skills and inclination that now provide my source of income. I quite literally found a career path through fandom, among all of the other things I've mentioned. I wouldn't have realized my love of editing, I wouldn't have felt the need to teach myself Photoshop, and these are things that pay my bills now. And beyond that, they are things that I love. I have no idea what I'd be doing now - I might be a writer or I might have graduated with a Psychology degree instead. There is nothing wrong with Psychology and it absolutely still interests me but I do feel like I'd be worse off. I'd express much less, and I feel like I'd be a duller individual.
45.) Do you think fandom makes us better people? Or worse people? Or something else?
It depends on how you handle it. That crazy bitch who chased Lisa Edelstein through her hotel and almost got arrested? PROBABLY has been made a worse person by fandom. The people who are in their 30's and living in their mom's basement with no career ideas because they spend too much time locked in a dark room participating in fandom? Probably worse off. But by in large I think that fandom can make people better - it teaches them to participate in the stories of others, to discover themselves through those stories, it gives them like-minded people to bond with and appreciate, and even when things go wrong it teaches you how to have a thick skin.
I WOULD LOVE YOUR THOUGHTS/STORIES ON ANY OF THESE ISSUES.
♥