Some Thoughts on Elven Sanitation

[lissas_elves]

It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to wonder about it ... This subject is not for the squeamish!

Thank you to Cal for betaing.

‘On Elven Sanitation’ or ‘The Joys of Indoor Plumbing’
Introduction:

I’m sure The Last Homely House had running water, indoor WC and bathrooms - these clever Noldor did so like to invent things - but how do you

Comments

[lissas_elves]

lol - I let that line stay in the 'essay' after some internal debate; a bit tongue-in-cheek there, but you are actually the first to comment on it.

Now, about chaste Elves - and I am of course here referring to The Laws and Customs Among the Eldar - it's a concept that seems totally impossible to you and me. To be chaste for that long: no thanks, no way! It is in fact a topic that have lead to many heated debates in fandom and caused friendships to break - which I do not want!!!

However, I DO like to play with L & C.

Please bear with me for a moment, and just try to imagine this:

WHAT IF Elven physiology caused them to only feel desire (perhaps one could describe it as a kind of 'coming into heat', like deer or wolves) when they met their chosen one?

WHAT IF they only felt sexual desire until they had the number of children they wanted, and then the desire waned (like most animals don't mate out of season, or when they're pregnant)?

Now, to us, this idea - no sex for thousands of years - is a horrid concept, and we feel it's totally unfair on the poor Elves.

However, I suggest that IF (and that's the really big 'if', with which most fanficcers disagree strongly) a person feels no desire, then it is no sacrifice to abstain from sex because this person simply wouldn't feel they were missing anything.

Try to think about it this way:
If one's not hungry, one does not miss food;
if one's not thirsty, it doesn't matter that there's not a glass of water at hand;
if one is not cold, it is of little interest that the central heating is switched off.

It's only when the hunger/thirst/need for warmth/the desire arises that one would notice something was lacking and would wish to change the situation.

***

Now, I'm NOT claiming that this is what Tolkien meant with his essay, it's just an idea I toy with; in fact most of my recent stories (not available on this LJ, but some can be found on my other account) explore this wacky interpretation.

I do not in any way expect others to share this particular interpretation of the Laws & Customs,
nor am I going to hit other writers over the head for having a completely different view on the topic! There are nearly as many interpretations as there are fanfic writers, which is fine with me - the more, the merrier.

To me, the Laws & Customs is merely another sandbox in which to play, with a strange set of rules which only makes the game more challenging. Tolkien did write them - let's explore the possible implications like we do all the other stuff he wrote.

Hey, when you think about it, chaste Elves are not more unlikely than walking trees, talking dogs or fighting ghosts, are they? ;-)

[lissea]

Yeah, You're right my dear. No more far fetched than any other fantasy concept. I most certainly will not break off any friendships over a difference in opinion. You are right. They may have had different physiology. But I can't, I just can't write my poor Elf that way. (No one hold your breath waiting for my story)He's a rebel. He's not going to wait a thousand years. In my AU there is a lot of cultural exchange between races. Interesting to me that Tolkien allowed Language to evolve, but I do not see a corresponding cultural evolution, or Am I missing something? We all know humans have conventions and moreas they agree with intellectually and spiritually, yet rarely keep in spirit and truth. I see Elves as this way as well. They were flawed in much the same way as us. We humans do not hold the same moral standards as did our 16th century ancestors. Perhaps we should, but our thinking has changed. I would think it would be torcherously difficult for creatures with youthful vigor and health and lovely practically ageless bodies to endure thousands of years of celibacy. I can't put poor Amdiron thru it. I also think sexual tention is the motivating force for much of the beauty and art produced. It's just an observation of mine and perhaps a faulty one, but I think people have a sudden urge for creativity when adolecents hits. We start keeping journals, writing, enjoying expressive emotional music, drawing in a different way than we did when we were 7 years old.

But as you say it is open for intepretation. Each writer to his or her own. Heck, I'm not even a writer, more of a fan.

[lissas_elves]

>>I just can't write my poor Elf that way<<
Good! It would be incredibly boring if we all had the exact same viewpoint, wouldn't it? Your Amdiron certainly sounds like an interesting character, a handsome (judging by that pic), adventurous, red-blooded Elf! ;-)

>> I also think sexual tention is the motivating force for much of the beauty and art produced.<<
Oh yes, you've got an excellent point there. Love, desire, whatever we call it, has been the inspiration for many great works of art.

And Elves were certainly flawed in many ways; some of them committed atrocious acts and there's so many examples of even the wisest among them acting most unwisely. Methinks they didn't quite live up to Eru's expectations.

>>Each writer to his or her own. <<
But some people actually feel so passionately(!) about this topic that's not even possible to discuss it with them. I'm so glad you're not among them. :-)

[lissea]

My goodness, how silly it would be to have a falling out over such a thing. Amdiron would rather keep his leggings laced than cause such trouble!

[lissas_elves]

>>Amdiron would rather keep his leggings laced<<

But from what you've told me, that would be a real shame! ;-)