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It's a new year. It's supposed to be better. And actually, for a while it was. Until right now. I need to stop letting small words blow up into a huge fucking billboard that blocks everything else in my mind. I feel empty. Unloved. Unwanted. Misunderstood. I always say things in this livejournal like, "I need to do this, I need to do that," but I
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Don't let them try to drone you on antidepressants. You're so right that they just numb what you're truly feeling.
I've gotten so stuck in to saying that I have a "chemial imbalance" that it's hard to even be optimistic and at least try to be happy, because I know eventually that something really minor someone says will shatter me like a broken glass.
Being analytical is the one thing I take pride in because it makes me disect every aspect of my life and I feel like I have more insight than other normal happy people that can just live their life. However, if I didn't analyze everyfuckingthing so much, I probably would be much happier. You can use that to your advantage though. When you feel upset, just try to analyze the root cause and exactly why you feel so miserable. Make a To Do list, or a list of things that bother you and just take one thing at a time and try to fix it.
I know that was really corny haha...but making lists helps me a lot. It just organizes all of your problems in to one concrete thing. If you make a goal to fix ONE problem and keep your mind to it before moving on to the next, you can help yourself more than any bullshit Psychiatrist with a PhD and MD can.
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