This and That
I had wild dreams last night, the sort that make sleep uneasy unrestful & usually only come after I've eaten too late at night...
A long indistisguishable barely-remembered set dealing with redcaps and goblins and some complicated social arrangements I don't quite recall, clearly prompted by game last night (playing a satyr surrounded by, protected by, and very-well-chaperoned by a trio of redcaps)...
...and a set of driving endlessly past a city six feet deep in fetid water and clearly having been so for a very long time, an abandoned city that then, in the surreal way my dreams always have, became an abandoned mall in which the stores were glassed off and flooded but the halls were fine.
Letting someone draw my blood this morning brought to mind (an uncaffinated, barely-awake mind) images of the afore-mentioned satyr, who claims to have been born of blood and wine, blessed by Dionysus, a Maened, and likes both blood and wine with equal fervor. I was pleased to find that the idea of drinking the viscous stuff in the little plastic tube still nauseated me when examined too closely; sometimes the line there gets a little blurred, when playing monsters.
Fantasy and reality. I've lost track of the number of people who've suggested I don't live enough in the real world, of the number of times I've had to explain my sometimes incredibly stress-tense state post-game with the words "method actress:" I'm still half in-character. Never except in rare dreams do I slip and think that I, Melissa, am my character, but I know I've had moments of that irrational upset when something bad happens to my character, or when I believe she's being screwed over by someone she (I) trust... that's the hardest one. "Bad things;" pain, death, loss of status; all these can be handled. Betrayal, humiliation, being mocked in public and having no proper retort or recourse, failure; these bother me. Even when it's a character I don't particularly care about, these things are hard to deal with. I have to struggle to not overreact out of character ... and it's not as if I don't know why. These are the things I deal with the worst in real life; why would I want to deal with them in fantasy?
I'm a little cranky today but nothing like the pissy rage that was trying to overtake me yesterday. I anticipate PMS being bad this month after the off-cycle grumpies of two weeks ago, but I'll consider it a challenge. Lots of walking, lots of crunches, lots of deep breathing. And, god, let this headache go away. Please?
On the plus side, I had a lot of fun at games this weekend despite shouting a lot at friday's game, bursting into tear at saturday's game (both in character, but both felt very real at the time). Thank you, jilliko, for giving me the perfect lead in line for some of Nyx's key "philosophy" early in Sunday's game! *yips*
...tangental, anyone?
A long indistisguishable barely-remembered set dealing with redcaps and goblins and some complicated social arrangements I don't quite recall, clearly prompted by game last night (playing a satyr surrounded by, protected by, and very-well-chaperoned by a trio of redcaps)...
...and a set of driving endlessly past a city six feet deep in fetid water and clearly having been so for a very long time, an abandoned city that then, in the surreal way my dreams always have, became an abandoned mall in which the stores were glassed off and flooded but the halls were fine.
Letting someone draw my blood this morning brought to mind (an uncaffinated, barely-awake mind) images of the afore-mentioned satyr, who claims to have been born of blood and wine, blessed by Dionysus, a Maened, and likes both blood and wine with equal fervor. I was pleased to find that the idea of drinking the viscous stuff in the little plastic tube still nauseated me when examined too closely; sometimes the line there gets a little blurred, when playing monsters.
Fantasy and reality. I've lost track of the number of people who've suggested I don't live enough in the real world, of the number of times I've had to explain my sometimes incredibly stress-tense state post-game with the words "method actress:" I'm still half in-character. Never except in rare dreams do I slip and think that I, Melissa, am my character, but I know I've had moments of that irrational upset when something bad happens to my character, or when I believe she's being screwed over by someone she (I) trust... that's the hardest one. "Bad things;" pain, death, loss of status; all these can be handled. Betrayal, humiliation, being mocked in public and having no proper retort or recourse, failure; these bother me. Even when it's a character I don't particularly care about, these things are hard to deal with. I have to struggle to not overreact out of character ... and it's not as if I don't know why. These are the things I deal with the worst in real life; why would I want to deal with them in fantasy?
I'm a little cranky today but nothing like the pissy rage that was trying to overtake me yesterday. I anticipate PMS being bad this month after the off-cycle grumpies of two weeks ago, but I'll consider it a challenge. Lots of walking, lots of crunches, lots of deep breathing. And, god, let this headache go away. Please?
On the plus side, I had a lot of fun at games this weekend despite shouting a lot at friday's game, bursting into tear at saturday's game (both in character, but both felt very real at the time). Thank you, jilliko, for giving me the perfect lead in line for some of Nyx's key "philosophy" early in Sunday's game! *yips*
...tangental, anyone?