indecision 2007
So the end of part 1 in the saga of the month-long tour guide extravaganza has come to an end. if you didn’t know, Dylan Jackson has been visiting for the past two weeks. now I have a short quiet five days until my sister arrives on Thursday for her own two week stint.
I’ve been pretty emotionally out of whack lately. nothing too crazy I mean, just one of the normal cycles of indecisiveness and worry-warting. I always get some good clarity at the end of one of these things. but for now, I’m pretty moody.
watch out, I’ll whine your ear off if you give me the opportunity.
as for the last post. it was dramatic and vague because I was undecided at the time. it’s not set in stone yet, but I think I will be moving to shanghai in mid-feb. I’ll only be staying a couple of months because I want to maybe go back to Arkansas in june and work for governor’s school (and in any case I’d like to be in the states for the time leading up to the elections)
so why am I going to china? more importantly, why am I leaving Berlin? goooood questions. I don’t know if I can really answer either of them but I’ll try.
so there’s the practical interest in china. it’s becoming pretty important in the world and I want my own frame of reference. and then there’s a special infatuation I have with shanghai itself (thanks to some pictures I saw a couple of years ago). as for leaving berlin, there’s also no good reason. things are good here, but I’m itching for something new is all. I mean, this is my third time living here. it doesn’t even really feel like “living abroad” anymore. now it just feels like being home. which is good, but I’m not ready for that yet. I want to explore some new spots, that’s all. I know I talk about it a lot bu going to egypt really got me excited about traveling again. it’s too difficult to settle down and just be here right now. I need to keep things moving.
as for learning Chinese. I’m going to start that. I realize this is a big process and I’m not hoping for any level of fluency in only a few short months. My goals lie mostly in being able to order food and ask directions. you know, basic survival kinds of things. Surely this is do-able.
Also, having been around little rock kids kind of a lot recently, I am reminded of something that I have noticed before. Of all the friends I have from all the different places, Arkansas people are still the ones I trust the most. Sometimes it seems like everyone else from the rest of the world is crazy. Sometimes I think I’M crazy.
Especially lately. Really. Lately I have not been pleasant.
I just walk around all the time with this weird chip on my shoulder. it makes me focus on the wrong things and it makes me be rude to my friends. it makes me snap at counter workers for speaking English to me. what’s up with that? why do I hate to wait, to repeat myself, to have to speak my native language. Why can’t I focus on things other than the task at hand? Isn’t it supposed to be about the journey, rather than the destination? I’m just walking around all the time wondering when it is I’m going to arrive.
It’s also getting really difficult to decide what things I can change about myself, and what things are just part of my personality, no matter what.
I hope the shoulder-chip is overcome-able. I feel sure that it is. It’s just taking a couple of years.
here's two current "oh have you seen this one yet?" you tube videos
I’ve been pretty emotionally out of whack lately. nothing too crazy I mean, just one of the normal cycles of indecisiveness and worry-warting. I always get some good clarity at the end of one of these things. but for now, I’m pretty moody.
watch out, I’ll whine your ear off if you give me the opportunity.
as for the last post. it was dramatic and vague because I was undecided at the time. it’s not set in stone yet, but I think I will be moving to shanghai in mid-feb. I’ll only be staying a couple of months because I want to maybe go back to Arkansas in june and work for governor’s school (and in any case I’d like to be in the states for the time leading up to the elections)
so why am I going to china? more importantly, why am I leaving Berlin? goooood questions. I don’t know if I can really answer either of them but I’ll try.
so there’s the practical interest in china. it’s becoming pretty important in the world and I want my own frame of reference. and then there’s a special infatuation I have with shanghai itself (thanks to some pictures I saw a couple of years ago). as for leaving berlin, there’s also no good reason. things are good here, but I’m itching for something new is all. I mean, this is my third time living here. it doesn’t even really feel like “living abroad” anymore. now it just feels like being home. which is good, but I’m not ready for that yet. I want to explore some new spots, that’s all. I know I talk about it a lot bu going to egypt really got me excited about traveling again. it’s too difficult to settle down and just be here right now. I need to keep things moving.
as for learning Chinese. I’m going to start that. I realize this is a big process and I’m not hoping for any level of fluency in only a few short months. My goals lie mostly in being able to order food and ask directions. you know, basic survival kinds of things. Surely this is do-able.
Also, having been around little rock kids kind of a lot recently, I am reminded of something that I have noticed before. Of all the friends I have from all the different places, Arkansas people are still the ones I trust the most. Sometimes it seems like everyone else from the rest of the world is crazy. Sometimes I think I’M crazy.
Especially lately. Really. Lately I have not been pleasant.
I just walk around all the time with this weird chip on my shoulder. it makes me focus on the wrong things and it makes me be rude to my friends. it makes me snap at counter workers for speaking English to me. what’s up with that? why do I hate to wait, to repeat myself, to have to speak my native language. Why can’t I focus on things other than the task at hand? Isn’t it supposed to be about the journey, rather than the destination? I’m just walking around all the time wondering when it is I’m going to arrive.
It’s also getting really difficult to decide what things I can change about myself, and what things are just part of my personality, no matter what.
I hope the shoulder-chip is overcome-able. I feel sure that it is. It’s just taking a couple of years.
here's two current "oh have you seen this one yet?" you tube videos
Click to view