Aislinn sent me this.
Best E-mail EVAR!
This is what I am talking about. It is so funny. especially if you own cats or dogs:
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap. Hot dang!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters. They’re the best! I’ll wag my tail in joy.
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo great!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape (and the tepid satisfaction I receive from ruining the occasional piece of furniture). In yet another demonstration of civil disobedience, I shall topple and destroy one more houseplant tonight under the cover of darkness.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor. I shall soon be expanding my repertoire; I believe I'll start vomiting in their shoes and/or beds.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird has got to be an informant -- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe -- for now.
But I can wait. It is only a matter of time . . . .
This is what I am talking about. It is so funny. especially if you own cats or dogs:
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap. Hot dang!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters. They’re the best! I’ll wag my tail in joy.
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo great!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape (and the tepid satisfaction I receive from ruining the occasional piece of furniture). In yet another demonstration of civil disobedience, I shall topple and destroy one more houseplant tonight under the cover of darkness.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor. I shall soon be expanding my repertoire; I believe I'll start vomiting in their shoes and/or beds.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird has got to be an informant -- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe -- for now.
But I can wait. It is only a matter of time . . . .