Pensive pensive pensive -cough- pensive
I'm here...I've achieved something big in my life. That being i'm an art student: I made it. I'm proud I am where I am now. But I look around me at the other students there. Raw talent. Trained from when they were just little; with the expectation from their parents that they would pursue the arts. Myself? I fought and kvetched and my stubborness won out in the end. I got where I am now because I was stubborn; too stubborn to do what my parents wanted me to do.
I was sitting around, with my history homework and I decided to take a break for about 15 minutes...In that 15 minutes I had time to think and reflect...I want my art to be known; I want my art to be remebered...I don't want to be another unknown artist..What is it going to take for me to be the next Tamara DeLempika? I don't have the connections she had...if i work i will one day have the talent she has. And I do work...
At 4 in the morning, I find now is the only time I actually have for my artwork...for MY work, for MY paintings...even now I sit here with conté practicing what I learned in drawing class earlier on today...er...yesterday...Is this what it means to be an artist? Sleep deprivation? Working myself sick? If this is what it takes I'll do it. When i'm standing there in my own gallery, I'll know I did the right thing. I am afraid of putting my work on the back burner to pursue a career. But even then, I'll still have my painting, A word to people that attend my funeral: when I'm dead, I want it to be said that I was too stubborn to take the common sense my parents gave me. I know what i'm in for, and I know it will be hard, according to my palm, i'll be alone when I do it. But atleast i'll have done it.
I know this sounds morbid, i'm not in the slightest bit sad though. I am actually proud, happy, maaaybe a little stressed.
I am trying to open up to people emotionally. Right now i have a select group of 3 people i'm kinda sorta occasionally, in the fullness of time; telling how I feel. I've been making small steps in this, telling my friends when I wasn't happy, or why I felt the way i did. I think i'm making a bit of an improvement...don't you dare naysay me, Jaa-chan, lol. I feel (eh? eh?), that if I hang around with emotional people (I'm looking at you, Goat), I kinda get that backlash of empathy, it makes me feel more human I guess.
My breaks over, I have more drawing to do before I turn in for a few hours. lol
Anyway, the gyst of that last bit was more of a thank-you, to you guys: Aisling Margo, and Jamie. You guys are great, love you all; and I appreciate you guys more and more by the day!
I was sitting around, with my history homework and I decided to take a break for about 15 minutes...In that 15 minutes I had time to think and reflect...I want my art to be known; I want my art to be remebered...I don't want to be another unknown artist..What is it going to take for me to be the next Tamara DeLempika? I don't have the connections she had...if i work i will one day have the talent she has. And I do work...
At 4 in the morning, I find now is the only time I actually have for my artwork...for MY work, for MY paintings...even now I sit here with conté practicing what I learned in drawing class earlier on today...er...yesterday...Is this what it means to be an artist? Sleep deprivation? Working myself sick? If this is what it takes I'll do it. When i'm standing there in my own gallery, I'll know I did the right thing. I am afraid of putting my work on the back burner to pursue a career. But even then, I'll still have my painting, A word to people that attend my funeral: when I'm dead, I want it to be said that I was too stubborn to take the common sense my parents gave me. I know what i'm in for, and I know it will be hard, according to my palm, i'll be alone when I do it. But atleast i'll have done it.
I know this sounds morbid, i'm not in the slightest bit sad though. I am actually proud, happy, maaaybe a little stressed.
I am trying to open up to people emotionally. Right now i have a select group of 3 people i'm kinda sorta occasionally, in the fullness of time; telling how I feel. I've been making small steps in this, telling my friends when I wasn't happy, or why I felt the way i did. I think i'm making a bit of an improvement...don't you dare naysay me, Jaa-chan, lol. I feel (eh? eh?), that if I hang around with emotional people (I'm looking at you, Goat), I kinda get that backlash of empathy, it makes me feel more human I guess.
My breaks over, I have more drawing to do before I turn in for a few hours. lol
Anyway, the gyst of that last bit was more of a thank-you, to you guys: Aisling Margo, and Jamie. You guys are great, love you all; and I appreciate you guys more and more by the day!