So far so good!
Ok, so my week has actually been pretty good. I needed to get away from everything on Monday so I went to a friends house that I KNEW would let me forget about everything! This person is someone that I would trust with my life if I needed to. I know they would do just about anything for me and I would do the same for them. I got to just hang out and be myself and forget about all the bad things before this week starts. Just laying there relaxing with that person made everything just go away and it was WONDERFUL! I really miss the comfort... So for those of you who care, I am doing good so far. Once again, Thursday will be really hard, but I am going to be ok and I finally realize that. Friends have told me that i need to just not dwell on it and I need to move on. A wise man told me "Use that day as a day of remembering the person.. not the death"... Those words have been going through my head all week long and i'm trying to stick with it. Thank you for the help people!
Ok another issue has come about that I just dont know what to do... I am scared to get involved again because you hurt me pretty bad. I wasn't myself for a while after and I'm feeling myself go back into my feelings. I dont know what you want and I dont want to get hurt. I am trying really hard to be the person that I have "changed" to be, but you make it hard. I have build up walls around my heart... I dont want to let anyone in so I dont get hurt like I did before. I needed to learn how to think before I talk. i used to say things that I thought I meant... and I needed time to be SURE. I treat my heart better. I won't let just anyone in, not very many people are worth the heart break. But for some reason you are. You hurt me really bad, but the more time i spend with you, the more that good replaces the bad. I dont know how you feel but I dont want this entry to ruin what we have... if anything. You are the only one who can break down those walls... no matter how hard I try to be strong, I just cant when it comes to you. i'm trying to not get too attached, and I'm trying to make things easier for you and better for us. I am so confortable with you and everyhting just feels right... but I'm TRYING SO HARD to not make you feel overwhelmed. I care about our friendship more than anything, but I'm afraid I will lose it if I don't keep my guard up a little bit longer. I missed you... no matter how many nights I have cried instead of slept... I missed you. I pray every night that you will be happy. i hope you are happy where you are right now. I feel it in your eyes that you are, but I still pray for you. Just remember, if it feels good right now, don't think about a year from now. Just enjoy it, because it is, RIGHT NOW!
Ok another issue has come about that I just dont know what to do... I am scared to get involved again because you hurt me pretty bad. I wasn't myself for a while after and I'm feeling myself go back into my feelings. I dont know what you want and I dont want to get hurt. I am trying really hard to be the person that I have "changed" to be, but you make it hard. I have build up walls around my heart... I dont want to let anyone in so I dont get hurt like I did before. I needed to learn how to think before I talk. i used to say things that I thought I meant... and I needed time to be SURE. I treat my heart better. I won't let just anyone in, not very many people are worth the heart break. But for some reason you are. You hurt me really bad, but the more time i spend with you, the more that good replaces the bad. I dont know how you feel but I dont want this entry to ruin what we have... if anything. You are the only one who can break down those walls... no matter how hard I try to be strong, I just cant when it comes to you. i'm trying to not get too attached, and I'm trying to make things easier for you and better for us. I am so confortable with you and everyhting just feels right... but I'm TRYING SO HARD to not make you feel overwhelmed. I care about our friendship more than anything, but I'm afraid I will lose it if I don't keep my guard up a little bit longer. I missed you... no matter how many nights I have cried instead of slept... I missed you. I pray every night that you will be happy. i hope you are happy where you are right now. I feel it in your eyes that you are, but I still pray for you. Just remember, if it feels good right now, don't think about a year from now. Just enjoy it, because it is, RIGHT NOW!