Prickly
I had an interesting conversation with Alison at the rehearsal dinner for acousticshadow2's wedding, this past weekend. Many deep thotts were touched on, but one that stands out for me is this: people perceive me as prickly and unapproachable, afraid I'll bite their head off if they wake the sleeping bear.
I can't say I'm surprised by this. I can see where I've put this message out in many places, in direct or indirect ways. I am introverted, and sometimes I can't people.
But, two things:
This is not who I want to be. I want to be approachable.
This prickliness comes not from my introversion, but from the difficulty I have setting boundaries.
See, if it were easy for me to say, "no, you're asking for too much," I would be more open to people, because I could always tell them when to stop. But... I don't find that line easy to demarcate. Things escalate quickly from "I'm having fun interacting with this person" to "I want this person to go away," and often times I'm unaware I've crossed the line until it feels too late to back away.
I feel that in the past, this meant getting sucked into commitments I didn't feel comfortable with. I wasted a lot of time that way. So perhaps it's just easier to have this external shell to keep people at a distance.
Know that I'm trying. I do love you all, my wonderful friends, and I don't want to shut you out. I just want to be able to draw boundaries appropriately, to tell you "no" and not feel guilty about it.
If you want to help, the best thing you can do is be aware of these boundary issues. If we're interacting over a long period, check in to make sure I'm comfortable. Don't be offended if I need to hermit for a time. It's not you, it's me. Seriously.
*hugs*
I can't say I'm surprised by this. I can see where I've put this message out in many places, in direct or indirect ways. I am introverted, and sometimes I can't people.
But, two things:
This is not who I want to be. I want to be approachable.
This prickliness comes not from my introversion, but from the difficulty I have setting boundaries.
See, if it were easy for me to say, "no, you're asking for too much," I would be more open to people, because I could always tell them when to stop. But... I don't find that line easy to demarcate. Things escalate quickly from "I'm having fun interacting with this person" to "I want this person to go away," and often times I'm unaware I've crossed the line until it feels too late to back away.
I feel that in the past, this meant getting sucked into commitments I didn't feel comfortable with. I wasted a lot of time that way. So perhaps it's just easier to have this external shell to keep people at a distance.
Know that I'm trying. I do love you all, my wonderful friends, and I don't want to shut you out. I just want to be able to draw boundaries appropriately, to tell you "no" and not feel guilty about it.
If you want to help, the best thing you can do is be aware of these boundary issues. If we're interacting over a long period, check in to make sure I'm comfortable. Don't be offended if I need to hermit for a time. It's not you, it's me. Seriously.
*hugs*