hello and goodbye
i felt compelled to write in here tonight after such a long time because of basically the past few days. of course like i usually do, i am going to complain about my guy problems. the guy that seems to always disappear and reappear into my life reappeared last night. and i can't say that i was a 100% unhappy to hear from him. i have to admit it, it's nice to know that someone is thinking about you and missing you just the way that you have been missing them. i have missed him ALOT ALOT. but i didn't really want to admit it because i know that he is bad for me. the companionship i feel when i am with him is unlike most of the relationships i have been in the past. he pushes my buttons and i push his back. i guess that is the balance that i am looking for but i just need to find a guy that won't run away everytime he is scared that he actually has real feelings for me. and then there is the other guy..... who provides the exact physical chemistry that i have always looked for. i feel like we just get what eachother wants. but i don't think it can move on past there?? i don't really know, the situation hasn't really allowed for us to explore that and i really don't think that he wants to. anyways... enough about boys, they aren't the only thing i think about ha ;)
as i prepare to leave santa maria after this break i feel alot more confident about this semester and the impending future.my family gives me a lot of confidence about being able to reach the goals that i have set. there some other personal issues that i really want to work on leading up to this summer and i'm really hope that i can accomplish them. i've spent enought time in my life putting things off because i don't think they are of high importance. but right now i feel alot of things that i have been putting off are really a matter of doing it now or never doing it. and never is not acceptable. i see my grandma and she gets more stuff done in one day than i do in a freaking week. i need to start being like that.
this break was really hard. it was full of saying goodbye. the loss of my grandpa is not something that i have fully dealt or grasped yet. somedays it hits me really hard and other days i don't think about it as much. i miss my grandparents as a unit. it hurts me really bad to see my grandma all by herself, to realize that she doesn't have someone to go to bed with anymore. when i walk through the house it's just emptier. i miss my grandpa alot. he meant so much to the family, it's weird to see how much a person affects the family once they are gone.
i guess that is enough for the night. xoxo elise
as i prepare to leave santa maria after this break i feel alot more confident about this semester and the impending future.my family gives me a lot of confidence about being able to reach the goals that i have set. there some other personal issues that i really want to work on leading up to this summer and i'm really hope that i can accomplish them. i've spent enought time in my life putting things off because i don't think they are of high importance. but right now i feel alot of things that i have been putting off are really a matter of doing it now or never doing it. and never is not acceptable. i see my grandma and she gets more stuff done in one day than i do in a freaking week. i need to start being like that.
this break was really hard. it was full of saying goodbye. the loss of my grandpa is not something that i have fully dealt or grasped yet. somedays it hits me really hard and other days i don't think about it as much. i miss my grandparents as a unit. it hurts me really bad to see my grandma all by herself, to realize that she doesn't have someone to go to bed with anymore. when i walk through the house it's just emptier. i miss my grandpa alot. he meant so much to the family, it's weird to see how much a person affects the family once they are gone.
i guess that is enough for the night. xoxo elise