LMFAO!!
Life is like a box of truffles... that's what my daddy always used to say before I found out.
It was a dark night and the sun was shiny through the hospital curtains. I had just woken up from an operation to fix my arms because I had a bad spine and it was wonky. The doctor had woken me up and walked towards me with a subtle frown on his face like a swan swimming in a sea of tears.
"I'm really sorry" he said "but during the Operation I gave you the Aids by mistake instead of fixing your foot"
My life was ruined. I sobbed like a tiger chasing a meerkat, only to miss and be eaten by a crocidile.
When I turned 18 I had to get a job to support my wife and two kids. I applied for a job as a banker but they said they wouldn't let me be a banker cos I had the Aids so I had to look else where and went to the job centre to see a new exciting advert looking for someone with the Aids to go to mars and be the first person with the aids to go into space.
This was my chance... I had to apply
I went to the interview and they said i was ideal for the job cos I had the aids and had good strong legs after the operation. We prepared for months on the thing that spins you around fast increasing the G-spot so you are ready for when you take off in a rocket ship.
After 2 weeks we were ready and I was made captain. We were off to mercury so the countdown beghan. We were all nervous so I thought I'd tell everyone to not be nervous so they stopped being nervous.
5.... 4.... 3.... 2.... 1.... Off Blast. Hooton, we are ready for take off.
As the ship acselerated faster then a kangaroo slipping on the arctic ice, I felt the G-Spot making me feel dizzy and sick. This lasted 10 minutes but finally we were in space. The moon looked so blue from space so I cried abit but everyone was angry cos they thought they'd catch the aids from my tear so I had to stop.
A day had past and we were finally at Saturn. We landed on the river of hostility and we were met by an alien called Zog. He was big and had long arms.
He shock my hand and said "Greetings, I am Zog the Alien and I welcome you to my planet"
This was the first time I met an Alien so I took a photo and added it to facebook.
After a long stay, we needed to go home and say goodbye to Zogso we took off and got home shortly after tea time
Weeks later the Aliens attacked all the monumentals on each country starting with the White House. They were very angry but we didn't know why. People were dying everywhere and I had to run though a tunnel with fire after the aliens shot it with a ray gun.
We had to stop them and resist so the president called me and said that I had to help go to the mother ship and upload my aids to their computer. So me and Will Smith got into Apollo 17 and took off.
We crept in the cargo bay door and sat quietly. They didn't see us so we remained quiet like a some toast just before it pops out of the toaster. On earth the Taliban had taken New York, the capitol of Amerika and threatened to kill everyone in London with their tripods.
We waited patiently for an hr as I uploaded Aids to the Taliban.
After 10 minutes I gave everyone Aids and we struggled free from the clamps and drove home.
We were chased "Youston, we had a problem" I shouted down the telephone The Taliban were on our tail but we turned upside down and they crashed in the Sun and froze to def.
I got to Earth and landed in front of the Whitehouse. Me and Jeff Goldblum saved the day and we got a medal and a big Cigar to smoke with my child Jack
And that was the end of Taliban
The End
(My friend Nathan writes deliberatly bad fanfiction for his own amusement, i have nothing against fanfic and encourage it at all opportunities.....but this always has me in stitches) XD