2010 in a nutshell
I do this closure thingy on my blog yearly towards the end of the year. I remember attempted to close my blog this time last year. It worked for a while but I always come back to it after a while. I've been blogging on and off for at least 7 years now. Of course this is not my first and only blog but I liked this a bit more, partly because it was the first to actually have a locked function. Most of the entries in this blog have been locked. Some for friends only. Some more private, just for my own leisure reading. Though I've grown up (as I would like to think) and muse a little less, I still have a tendency to whine on my blog like an agnsty teenager.
This year has not been a smooth-sailing one. Those of you who walked through this entire year with me, you do not know how much I appreciate it. And I could not thank you enough. I truly understood the meaning of friendship and family. There was a period of time I struggled to balance them and I ended up losing contact with most of my friends. Not seeing the need of having friends. Now, I could not stress enough the importance of friends. This holiday was great. I met up with friends whom I have not spoken to in years and I am glad we could still hold decent conversations without having to feel awkward all the time. Initially, it was tough. I ended up sitting around and daydreaming a huge bit, obviously abusing my twitter quite a lot. Managed to get over it a little and hopefully it would be better.
My mum and I got along pretty well this year as compared to the last. Or even in the beginning of the year. I realised that I love my mum a lot and that no one could actually replaced her position in my heart. It took me a while to realise that and I hereby declare now that if you cannot get along with my mum, you are out! (: I know how much it pains her to see me in that terrible state. I'm not proud of it. All that crying, periods of non-eating, working 12 hours a day, excessive drinking, late nights every weekend and my constant insomnia. I eventually stop crying. Tried eating a little more consistently. Tried working less hours. Stopped drinking. Still burn late nights but mostly at home. And sleeping well. Mum has always been a supportive one or tries her best to be. Words cannot express how much I love her. (:
I went on a holiday with a gf for the first time this year. I do not know how I managed to persuade my parents to do that. I truly enjoyed the trip. It was a relief to be out of Singapore. To clear my mind. And to ask myself what I want in life. I even travelled the night streets of Taipei on my own for a few hours. The feeling was exhilarating. I longed to go travelling on my own one day. Well, maybe in the near future, I just might. In the meantime, I get to enjoy the yearly trips with my family and even friends. I worked so hard throughout the year. I guess a little holiday wouldn't kill.
Having lost some directions in life, I sat and thought about it long and hard. I could jolly well stay in my profession for the rest of my life. It is certainly fulfilling enough and definitely enriching. Somehow, something is lacking. I'm not satisfied enough in this job of mine. Eventually, I pinpoint the source of it and hence, took up part time studies. I may not be the most disciplined student the school would ever have but I like what I'm studying. And I like how I'm developing myself professionally. I like the path I'm carving towards. I may have endless woes and sorrows about it, but thinking back now, I do enjoy it. God knows how often I declare my detest for my job, but secretly I like it to bits. I may not get to exact position I intend to, but like hell I'm gonna try. It is not easy going back to school and I was constantly battling with my markings, assignments and whatever projects I have on hand at that time. Not to mention, severe lack of sleep. Anytime more than 4 hours a day is really a bonus. My eye bags are permanently there and another layer of eye bags seemed to have grown over them. Disgusting.
To the old one. I cleared out the box the other day. Looked through the tons of photos we took. I looked really happy then. I gave up seeking for the answer of what had happened. What had changed between us. Some answers I really do not need to know. I have eradicated him off my fb and any forms of communication/ social network. I still receive news about him from time to time. Frankly, it does not bother me anymore. It took me quite a while to climb up to my feet. Took me so long that people stopped asking me if I am ok, thinking that I've long forgotten it. The past still haunts me from time to time, but most of the time, thanks to my abysmally terrible human memory, I managed to filter most of them out. Looking at the pictures, I did not feel the twang when I first did, 5-6 months ago when I thought I was ready. I no longer feel like cursing him or the fiancée. To them, I just wished them the best. Do not repeat your personal history again.
I guess this is the first time I actually am gonna write about this. Somehow or other, I found someone who is seemingly as crazy about me as I am towards him. Albeit all the misleading tweets that some of you may have read. I do not know if things would eventually work out for the both of us. I do not know if there may be a 'happily ever after' for us. I would like to think that this may be the one for me in which God has planned. But some part of me have changed. I still cannot believe that there will actually be a one for me no matter how hard I will myself to believe so. I cannot help but feel skeptical about it. I still feel that a person will eventually leave after a few years. It is not about the low confidence and stuff. It is just how things are. Looking around, how many perfect loving couples are still around as compared to all the dysfunctional ones trying to convince themselves and making things work. There are a lot of other factors that play a part in a relationship. It is not just love. Apart from my wayward thoughts, I thank you for being here for me, and steering me far away from them slowly. It is not easy in this relationship as half the time, my friends end up telling me to keep my options open and view us as a source a entertainment. I'm not saying I've mean friends. I understand where they are coming from and truthfully, I've asked myself those questions a billion times more than they did. Because of my ordeal, I see their care and how much they do not want me to get hurt. To my silly geeky boy, I see how the last few months did not come easy for you either. You tried so hard to work the distance to your advantage. You tried so hard to make me smile all the time. You tried so hard to steer away from all the touchy topics you thought would affect me. You tried so hard to balance your studies, your friends, your hobbies and me. You even alter your direction in life to match mine. I just want you to be yourself and that is all I'm asking for, my love. (:
In a little more than a month, I'll be turning 24. To my peers, I'm really old. Almost a quarter century old. To my colleagues, I'm still young. Far away from the 30s. As such, it is a mixed feeling. I feel that I'm old and I've not accomplished anything. My body is showing signs of aging. I'm very obsessed over the condition of my face. Wrinkles seemed to be appearing. The amount of skin products I slapped on daily is ridiculous. I even contemplated SKII and botox. Metabolism rate is decreasing at an alarming rate and a little bit of excessive food causes me to balloon. I wished I could still eat anything and still be horizontally challenged. Alas, that is no longer the case. Yet, in the working world, I'm still too young to be given any promising position. I may be working as hard as a person who is a decade older than me, but I would still be classified under 'Gaining experience only'. This irks me to hell and contributes to my daily rants. urgh!
Basically, I've summed up my 2010 all in a nutshell. Merry Christmas and have a jolly 2011. (:
This year has not been a smooth-sailing one. Those of you who walked through this entire year with me, you do not know how much I appreciate it. And I could not thank you enough. I truly understood the meaning of friendship and family. There was a period of time I struggled to balance them and I ended up losing contact with most of my friends. Not seeing the need of having friends. Now, I could not stress enough the importance of friends. This holiday was great. I met up with friends whom I have not spoken to in years and I am glad we could still hold decent conversations without having to feel awkward all the time. Initially, it was tough. I ended up sitting around and daydreaming a huge bit, obviously abusing my twitter quite a lot. Managed to get over it a little and hopefully it would be better.
My mum and I got along pretty well this year as compared to the last. Or even in the beginning of the year. I realised that I love my mum a lot and that no one could actually replaced her position in my heart. It took me a while to realise that and I hereby declare now that if you cannot get along with my mum, you are out! (: I know how much it pains her to see me in that terrible state. I'm not proud of it. All that crying, periods of non-eating, working 12 hours a day, excessive drinking, late nights every weekend and my constant insomnia. I eventually stop crying. Tried eating a little more consistently. Tried working less hours. Stopped drinking. Still burn late nights but mostly at home. And sleeping well. Mum has always been a supportive one or tries her best to be. Words cannot express how much I love her. (:
I went on a holiday with a gf for the first time this year. I do not know how I managed to persuade my parents to do that. I truly enjoyed the trip. It was a relief to be out of Singapore. To clear my mind. And to ask myself what I want in life. I even travelled the night streets of Taipei on my own for a few hours. The feeling was exhilarating. I longed to go travelling on my own one day. Well, maybe in the near future, I just might. In the meantime, I get to enjoy the yearly trips with my family and even friends. I worked so hard throughout the year. I guess a little holiday wouldn't kill.
Having lost some directions in life, I sat and thought about it long and hard. I could jolly well stay in my profession for the rest of my life. It is certainly fulfilling enough and definitely enriching. Somehow, something is lacking. I'm not satisfied enough in this job of mine. Eventually, I pinpoint the source of it and hence, took up part time studies. I may not be the most disciplined student the school would ever have but I like what I'm studying. And I like how I'm developing myself professionally. I like the path I'm carving towards. I may have endless woes and sorrows about it, but thinking back now, I do enjoy it. God knows how often I declare my detest for my job, but secretly I like it to bits. I may not get to exact position I intend to, but like hell I'm gonna try. It is not easy going back to school and I was constantly battling with my markings, assignments and whatever projects I have on hand at that time. Not to mention, severe lack of sleep. Anytime more than 4 hours a day is really a bonus. My eye bags are permanently there and another layer of eye bags seemed to have grown over them. Disgusting.
To the old one. I cleared out the box the other day. Looked through the tons of photos we took. I looked really happy then. I gave up seeking for the answer of what had happened. What had changed between us. Some answers I really do not need to know. I have eradicated him off my fb and any forms of communication/ social network. I still receive news about him from time to time. Frankly, it does not bother me anymore. It took me quite a while to climb up to my feet. Took me so long that people stopped asking me if I am ok, thinking that I've long forgotten it. The past still haunts me from time to time, but most of the time, thanks to my abysmally terrible human memory, I managed to filter most of them out. Looking at the pictures, I did not feel the twang when I first did, 5-6 months ago when I thought I was ready. I no longer feel like cursing him or the fiancée. To them, I just wished them the best. Do not repeat your personal history again.
I guess this is the first time I actually am gonna write about this. Somehow or other, I found someone who is seemingly as crazy about me as I am towards him. Albeit all the misleading tweets that some of you may have read. I do not know if things would eventually work out for the both of us. I do not know if there may be a 'happily ever after' for us. I would like to think that this may be the one for me in which God has planned. But some part of me have changed. I still cannot believe that there will actually be a one for me no matter how hard I will myself to believe so. I cannot help but feel skeptical about it. I still feel that a person will eventually leave after a few years. It is not about the low confidence and stuff. It is just how things are. Looking around, how many perfect loving couples are still around as compared to all the dysfunctional ones trying to convince themselves and making things work. There are a lot of other factors that play a part in a relationship. It is not just love. Apart from my wayward thoughts, I thank you for being here for me, and steering me far away from them slowly. It is not easy in this relationship as half the time, my friends end up telling me to keep my options open and view us as a source a entertainment. I'm not saying I've mean friends. I understand where they are coming from and truthfully, I've asked myself those questions a billion times more than they did. Because of my ordeal, I see their care and how much they do not want me to get hurt. To my silly geeky boy, I see how the last few months did not come easy for you either. You tried so hard to work the distance to your advantage. You tried so hard to make me smile all the time. You tried so hard to steer away from all the touchy topics you thought would affect me. You tried so hard to balance your studies, your friends, your hobbies and me. You even alter your direction in life to match mine. I just want you to be yourself and that is all I'm asking for, my love. (:
In a little more than a month, I'll be turning 24. To my peers, I'm really old. Almost a quarter century old. To my colleagues, I'm still young. Far away from the 30s. As such, it is a mixed feeling. I feel that I'm old and I've not accomplished anything. My body is showing signs of aging. I'm very obsessed over the condition of my face. Wrinkles seemed to be appearing. The amount of skin products I slapped on daily is ridiculous. I even contemplated SKII and botox. Metabolism rate is decreasing at an alarming rate and a little bit of excessive food causes me to balloon. I wished I could still eat anything and still be horizontally challenged. Alas, that is no longer the case. Yet, in the working world, I'm still too young to be given any promising position. I may be working as hard as a person who is a decade older than me, but I would still be classified under 'Gaining experience only'. This irks me to hell and contributes to my daily rants. urgh!
Basically, I've summed up my 2010 all in a nutshell. Merry Christmas and have a jolly 2011. (: