thinking of COURTNEY
i have been thinking about courtney a lot lately. i miss her so much. i want to call her but i always get cold feet. i know she would be happy to hear from me. and i know she is also having the same problem as i am with making that call. i know she loves me. and well i know she knows i love her dearly. she scares me. these unnatural feelings i have for this beautiful woman is remarkable. she was just a girl when i met her. i was older but still just a child. she would spend the night and we would hold eachother and kiss and laugh. i learned the meaning of love when i spent my nights with her. how confusing. does that make me bi sexual bc i truely love this one female? bc the smell of her sweet skin made me tingle all over? the feeling of her bare breasts pressed against my cheek as i listened to her heart beat when she slept still echos in my mind. i loved when she kissed me i could smell her hair. if she walked past me with a blind fold over my eyes i could still recognize her sent. it was like the very breath of angels. i still get so nervous just sitting in the same room as her. i know she gets the same way. she hides her blushing cheeks and turns herself away from me. i tickle her to make her face me. oh GOD dont turn away! face me! show me ur beautiful blue eyes that does the ocean no justice. i beg to myself for u to touch me one more time. touch my hand or my hair. please give me my fix that only u can provide! there is no other out ther that compares to courtney. no woman or maybe even man could ever erase her from my memory. there is a stitch pierced through my heart that pinches when i dream of her. why do i hesitate to call her? the same reason she hesitates to call me. the fear of true love actually existing. fear. im afraid to surrender my sanity. for she drives me insane.