On the bright side...
I've started taking the negative energy from all of this and am trying to turn it into positive. I reconstructed two shirts today, the most sewing I've done in weeks, and I actually did both shirts in a very short amount of time which makes me happy. It also helps to take my mind off of him. So, this weekend will consist of sewing, sewing and more sewing. Because if I just sit down and think, I start crying. Emotions, blech.
I'm also going to make a doctor's appointment for next week. I think I'm going to go back on medication for a while and see how it feels. I need to be happy, and this helped before and I think it can help again, I just need to stop being so resistant. I'm also going to look into a cheap therapist, erin said that the YWCA has cheap shrinks and I think it may be what I need even though it is the one thing I hate the most. But I have to push past my walls, that's what this time away from each other is all about.
I've also decided to step down from being a captain on my derby team. I am just too overwhelmed by it and have lost my love for derby. I need to just skate and not have to provide structure for people or deal with personalities I don't want to have to deal with. I talked to one of the board members tonight and she was very supportive and I feel good about this decision. I had a crappy practice tonight though, I couldn't stop crying and I didn't want to be there and deal with anything. I have practice again tomorrow night at the bout venue with my team, hopefully I can hold it together there.
I think this little "break" or what ever you want to call it will be good. I'm upset about it, but it's kind of opened up my eyes to things that have been going wrong. I take Nick for granted all of the time, he puts up with my crazy mood swings and temper tantrums and threatening to leave him every time we fight. Yes, I'm an emotional and crazy bitch sometimes, but it's mainly because I'm so in love. He cannot be the only thing that makes me happy, I have to figure out what that is and make it happen. I think I know what to do, I just need to set the wheels in motion.
I have to be up early, night.
I'm also going to make a doctor's appointment for next week. I think I'm going to go back on medication for a while and see how it feels. I need to be happy, and this helped before and I think it can help again, I just need to stop being so resistant. I'm also going to look into a cheap therapist, erin said that the YWCA has cheap shrinks and I think it may be what I need even though it is the one thing I hate the most. But I have to push past my walls, that's what this time away from each other is all about.
I've also decided to step down from being a captain on my derby team. I am just too overwhelmed by it and have lost my love for derby. I need to just skate and not have to provide structure for people or deal with personalities I don't want to have to deal with. I talked to one of the board members tonight and she was very supportive and I feel good about this decision. I had a crappy practice tonight though, I couldn't stop crying and I didn't want to be there and deal with anything. I have practice again tomorrow night at the bout venue with my team, hopefully I can hold it together there.
I think this little "break" or what ever you want to call it will be good. I'm upset about it, but it's kind of opened up my eyes to things that have been going wrong. I take Nick for granted all of the time, he puts up with my crazy mood swings and temper tantrums and threatening to leave him every time we fight. Yes, I'm an emotional and crazy bitch sometimes, but it's mainly because I'm so in love. He cannot be the only thing that makes me happy, I have to figure out what that is and make it happen. I think I know what to do, I just need to set the wheels in motion.
I have to be up early, night.