Dreams and Death
I had a dream last week that my father was coming to pick me up because I was moving in with my friend Mary. I had my truck all packed and was ready to go. Of course, my father died in 1989 when he was 50 -- the age I am now. I have wondered, often this year, if I will really live longer than him. My friend Mary died several years ago. In my dream, my father was late and Mary called, angry, because she was waiting up all night for me to show up. In my early morning grogginess, I wondered if the dream was a sign that my time is nearly up.
Then, I realized that if I live a "normal" lifespan, I've only got 20 to 30 more years on this earth. I always heard the older folks saying that time moved more swiftly as they aged. I don't think I really believed them -- but it is so very true. The last years 20 (if I get even that) years of my life will probably pass in a flash.
Death isn't something I fear. God (and apparently Mary) are both waiting to welcome me home. Everybody dies of something, sooner or later. I do, however, long to stay around long enough to see my son grown, out of the house, and established in a life of his own.
What scares me is the question of what I've done with my life, and what dreams I have for the rest of it. I don't want to have spent my whole time here as some parasite on this planet. I'd like to leave the world a better place because I've lived. When I was young I'd always dreamed of doing something great and heroic. Now I know that sometimes the greatest and most heroic things are those that least look like either. Have I done anything useful yet? Is it too late? I can't change what I've done up to the age I'm at, but I want to make the most of the rest of my life.
If I reach March 17th alive, I'll be 51 and older than my father ever got. So what am I going to do with the gift of that time?
http://youtu.be/puDbC-tqX_w
Then, I realized that if I live a "normal" lifespan, I've only got 20 to 30 more years on this earth. I always heard the older folks saying that time moved more swiftly as they aged. I don't think I really believed them -- but it is so very true. The last years 20 (if I get even that) years of my life will probably pass in a flash.
Death isn't something I fear. God (and apparently Mary) are both waiting to welcome me home. Everybody dies of something, sooner or later. I do, however, long to stay around long enough to see my son grown, out of the house, and established in a life of his own.
What scares me is the question of what I've done with my life, and what dreams I have for the rest of it. I don't want to have spent my whole time here as some parasite on this planet. I'd like to leave the world a better place because I've lived. When I was young I'd always dreamed of doing something great and heroic. Now I know that sometimes the greatest and most heroic things are those that least look like either. Have I done anything useful yet? Is it too late? I can't change what I've done up to the age I'm at, but I want to make the most of the rest of my life.
If I reach March 17th alive, I'll be 51 and older than my father ever got. So what am I going to do with the gift of that time?
http://youtu.be/puDbC-tqX_w