(no subject)
So I was reading a reader editorial on BME and it made me think.
http://www.bmezine.com/news/edit/A61122/artshrug.html
That's the editorial.
No brilliant piece of writing (grammar, style and structural mistakes actually bugged the shit out of me while reading it), not even that entertaining or interesting, it just got me thinking.
Anyway, it got me thinking.
And I'm still thinking, so this may not be coherent.
I'm not very modified, but I'd associate myself more with modified people than with non-modified people.
I could have a more stimulating, entertaining and flat out enjoyable conversation with Shannon Larratt than I could with Einstein.
I would feel like I had more in common with Lizardman than I feel liek I have in common with Steph (my sister).
Am I exaggerating?
No, not really.
Just because I have a whopping 3 tattoos and 6 piercings other than my lobes doens't mean I don't wish I had more.
Doesn't mean I'm not legitimately fascinated by it.
Doesn't mean I'm not serious about it.
And I guess it pisses me off that people think because I still look mostly "normal" that I don't know what I'm talking about.
Or I don't care.
Or I don't know waht ti's like to be "modified."
Truth be told, I dont' know what it's like to be Lizardman. But then again, no one knows what's it's liek to be Lizardman... oh subjective character of experience.
And I'm sure two people could both have all of his modifications and live in teh same town in teh same house and have the same job and still not know waht it's like to be Lizardman.
Who you are as a person makes all the difference, no matter what your outer shell looks like.
But that's the thing, you see, it's not just an outer shell.
I identify myself with my body-- as much as you're not supposed to.
When I look pretty, I feel pretty, and I feel like a good person.
When I'm nto looking so hot, I feel like a douchebag.
Thankfully, I don't feel not pretty very often.
I'm usually fairly apathetic.
You may think so, but then again you know next to nothing about how I actually think and feel and learn.
Which leads me to my next thought.
There are tons of mods that I want.
Tons and tons and tons.
And not all of them are stupid fantasies.
brb
I just tried to call the Chameleon and talk to Owen, I've made a decision.
But then I got disconnected from the person who was taking a message down.
But I'll just call tomorrow when he's in.
Anyway.
Not all of the mods that I want are stupid fantasies.
They're things that I legitimately want to do to my body that I am currently not willing to do for some reason.
My main reason being fear of stigma, fear of upsetting my mom too much, or just expense.
And the more I think about it, the more I think that I shouldn't HAVE to worry about that.
The more I get DOWNRIGHT FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT IT.
I remember I once (numerous times actually) said I'd LOVE a bridge piercing (somethign I still want and I think would look damn cute on me) in bmezine but said I'm too afraid of getting ridiculous looks on the street for it.
So then I got a whole slew of people being like "You're ridiculous. You already have your septum, what difference does it make?!" and "IF YOU REALLY WANTED IT, YOU WOULDN'T WORRY!"
Fuck you, you're wrong.
You have to be an idiot NOT to worry about things like that when you make a big change to your appearance.
Not to see that being modified DOES make a big difference.
(Not so much in my life, but in others.)
In Boston, anyway, septum piercings aren't that far out of the ordinary. However, I have seen ONE bridge piercing in person (on a girl at my school actually) and I gave her wierd looks before she got it done, so I'm sure she's used to them. Now I give her jealous, envious looks.
Actually, I think I've seen two, maybe three... but I don't remember strongly... so it doesn't matter.
I envy her the cajones it takes to get such a different, NOTICEABLE piercing. It is, quite literally, right smack in the middle of her face (moreso than a septum) and she CANNOT hide it.
Or, if she were to try, it wouldn't work so well.
And, of course, I'm jealous of the piercing itself.
And, I think, in some way, I'm leading myself up to the conclusion that it's my body.
(Which I've been saying since I was 14 years old and wanted my nostril done.)
I'm not doing this to rebel against authority, I'm not doing it because there's sooo much meaning in it, I'm not doing it to represent a culture, I'm doing it for aesthetic reasons or whatever else reason I had behind it-- none of which concern (or are the business of) other people.
I should really do it because I want it and it's my body and I shouldn't have to fear penalization (is that a word) from some schmuck on the street.
Or a future boss.
Or a future husband.
Or a loved one.
If they truly loved me, they'd understand that these things make me happy.
These things make me feel good about myself.
And I'm certainly not harming anyone.
I dunno.
But I called The Chameleon to tell Owen that when I get my next paycheck, I want a "tramp stamp" surface piercing.
I called because I have to tell him soon so I can still get the guinea pig rate.
Meaning just paying jewelry and lots of free aftercare help.
Instead I made myself sound like a douchebag in an attempt to leave a message adn being like "So I wanted to talk to Owen because he knows me by face, but not by name, but he changes my septum jewlery..."
Whatever, I'll call tomorrow.
It's going to hurt a lot, huh?
http://www.bmezine.com/news/edit/A61122/artshrug.html
That's the editorial.
No brilliant piece of writing (grammar, style and structural mistakes actually bugged the shit out of me while reading it), not even that entertaining or interesting, it just got me thinking.
Anyway, it got me thinking.
And I'm still thinking, so this may not be coherent.
I'm not very modified, but I'd associate myself more with modified people than with non-modified people.
I could have a more stimulating, entertaining and flat out enjoyable conversation with Shannon Larratt than I could with Einstein.
I would feel like I had more in common with Lizardman than I feel liek I have in common with Steph (my sister).
Am I exaggerating?
No, not really.
Just because I have a whopping 3 tattoos and 6 piercings other than my lobes doens't mean I don't wish I had more.
Doesn't mean I'm not legitimately fascinated by it.
Doesn't mean I'm not serious about it.
And I guess it pisses me off that people think because I still look mostly "normal" that I don't know what I'm talking about.
Or I don't care.
Or I don't know waht ti's like to be "modified."
Truth be told, I dont' know what it's like to be Lizardman. But then again, no one knows what's it's liek to be Lizardman... oh subjective character of experience.
And I'm sure two people could both have all of his modifications and live in teh same town in teh same house and have the same job and still not know waht it's like to be Lizardman.
Who you are as a person makes all the difference, no matter what your outer shell looks like.
But that's the thing, you see, it's not just an outer shell.
I identify myself with my body-- as much as you're not supposed to.
When I look pretty, I feel pretty, and I feel like a good person.
When I'm nto looking so hot, I feel like a douchebag.
Thankfully, I don't feel not pretty very often.
I'm usually fairly apathetic.
You may think so, but then again you know next to nothing about how I actually think and feel and learn.
Which leads me to my next thought.
There are tons of mods that I want.
Tons and tons and tons.
And not all of them are stupid fantasies.
brb
I just tried to call the Chameleon and talk to Owen, I've made a decision.
But then I got disconnected from the person who was taking a message down.
But I'll just call tomorrow when he's in.
Anyway.
Not all of the mods that I want are stupid fantasies.
They're things that I legitimately want to do to my body that I am currently not willing to do for some reason.
My main reason being fear of stigma, fear of upsetting my mom too much, or just expense.
And the more I think about it, the more I think that I shouldn't HAVE to worry about that.
The more I get DOWNRIGHT FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT IT.
I remember I once (numerous times actually) said I'd LOVE a bridge piercing (somethign I still want and I think would look damn cute on me) in bmezine but said I'm too afraid of getting ridiculous looks on the street for it.
So then I got a whole slew of people being like "You're ridiculous. You already have your septum, what difference does it make?!" and "IF YOU REALLY WANTED IT, YOU WOULDN'T WORRY!"
Fuck you, you're wrong.
You have to be an idiot NOT to worry about things like that when you make a big change to your appearance.
Not to see that being modified DOES make a big difference.
(Not so much in my life, but in others.)
In Boston, anyway, septum piercings aren't that far out of the ordinary. However, I have seen ONE bridge piercing in person (on a girl at my school actually) and I gave her wierd looks before she got it done, so I'm sure she's used to them. Now I give her jealous, envious looks.
Actually, I think I've seen two, maybe three... but I don't remember strongly... so it doesn't matter.
I envy her the cajones it takes to get such a different, NOTICEABLE piercing. It is, quite literally, right smack in the middle of her face (moreso than a septum) and she CANNOT hide it.
Or, if she were to try, it wouldn't work so well.
And, of course, I'm jealous of the piercing itself.
And, I think, in some way, I'm leading myself up to the conclusion that it's my body.
(Which I've been saying since I was 14 years old and wanted my nostril done.)
I'm not doing this to rebel against authority, I'm not doing it because there's sooo much meaning in it, I'm not doing it to represent a culture, I'm doing it for aesthetic reasons or whatever else reason I had behind it-- none of which concern (or are the business of) other people.
I should really do it because I want it and it's my body and I shouldn't have to fear penalization (is that a word) from some schmuck on the street.
Or a future boss.
Or a future husband.
Or a loved one.
If they truly loved me, they'd understand that these things make me happy.
These things make me feel good about myself.
And I'm certainly not harming anyone.
I dunno.
But I called The Chameleon to tell Owen that when I get my next paycheck, I want a "tramp stamp" surface piercing.
I called because I have to tell him soon so I can still get the guinea pig rate.
Meaning just paying jewelry and lots of free aftercare help.
Instead I made myself sound like a douchebag in an attempt to leave a message adn being like "So I wanted to talk to Owen because he knows me by face, but not by name, but he changes my septum jewlery..."
Whatever, I'll call tomorrow.
It's going to hurt a lot, huh?