I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time.
So this depression thing is really kicking my ass.
This time has been different because I'm medicated, and I have a Dr., and I'm talking to people. But at the same time, it's the same.
I can't trust people. And I have no one to rely on to be who I need them to be. No one takes it seriously enough, and no one does enough. They are not doing their best to help me, and that has been my problem.
This is the first time I have been completely open with everyone in my life so I wouldn't have to go through this by myself, yet I still am.
And I don't know if that says more about them, or about me.
My grandmother passed away on June 30th. It was brutal.
Everyone is grieving now, and I'm not a selfish person who is asking people to put aside their feelings and be all about me...but caring a little would be nice.
I'm trying to distract myself, and find new things to occupy my time. I finally started going for walks every day. They're short ones, because of my sciatica fears, but short is better than nothing. At least I'm breathing fresh air.
The Blue Jays have been extremely exciting to watch and been a nice summer distraction. I have the opportunity to go to 6 games between now and the end of the season, my goal is to get myself to 1. I hope I can muster the courage and just do it.
Also, because I am a straight woman, and they are mostly all good looking men...and because winning is sexy, and stealing bases successfully is also sexy, I now have my first crush in a few years (I parted ways with Jeff Carter in 2012, but it was a fond farewell).
The DVD collection has also significantly grown in the last few months.
I'm trying.
A couple of my Dad's cousins finally got my Great Grandfather's memoirs translated and binded and gave me a copy last week. I have only read the first chapter (which is only how far I could manage in the Italian version also), but it has made me want to try to fix it up and see if something can happen with it.
They're mostly about his experiences in WWII and his times as a POW. He didn't write these to get them published or anything. He did it for his family. So we can know what he went through, where we came from.
I feel like I can use this as a distraction also.
It's too easy to get lost in your head when you live alone.
I've also been thinking of writing a book. Just a chick lit kinda thing. I have, what I think, is a great idea for a fluff read. And I mean, with the right help and editor's or whatever, why not give it a go? I'm not a good writer, but I've read so many crap books that i realize I don't necessarily need to be. Especially in that kind of genre.
We'll see. I've had this idea for a couple years and have yet to do anything about it, but I'm starting to think that now is the time.
I have one more thing to talk about, but I think I will leave that for another day. Nothing major, but it doesn't really have anything to do with anything else here.
Later.
This time has been different because I'm medicated, and I have a Dr., and I'm talking to people. But at the same time, it's the same.
I can't trust people. And I have no one to rely on to be who I need them to be. No one takes it seriously enough, and no one does enough. They are not doing their best to help me, and that has been my problem.
This is the first time I have been completely open with everyone in my life so I wouldn't have to go through this by myself, yet I still am.
And I don't know if that says more about them, or about me.
My grandmother passed away on June 30th. It was brutal.
Everyone is grieving now, and I'm not a selfish person who is asking people to put aside their feelings and be all about me...but caring a little would be nice.
I'm trying to distract myself, and find new things to occupy my time. I finally started going for walks every day. They're short ones, because of my sciatica fears, but short is better than nothing. At least I'm breathing fresh air.
The Blue Jays have been extremely exciting to watch and been a nice summer distraction. I have the opportunity to go to 6 games between now and the end of the season, my goal is to get myself to 1. I hope I can muster the courage and just do it.
Also, because I am a straight woman, and they are mostly all good looking men...and because winning is sexy, and stealing bases successfully is also sexy, I now have my first crush in a few years (I parted ways with Jeff Carter in 2012, but it was a fond farewell).
The DVD collection has also significantly grown in the last few months.
I'm trying.
A couple of my Dad's cousins finally got my Great Grandfather's memoirs translated and binded and gave me a copy last week. I have only read the first chapter (which is only how far I could manage in the Italian version also), but it has made me want to try to fix it up and see if something can happen with it.
They're mostly about his experiences in WWII and his times as a POW. He didn't write these to get them published or anything. He did it for his family. So we can know what he went through, where we came from.
I feel like I can use this as a distraction also.
It's too easy to get lost in your head when you live alone.
I've also been thinking of writing a book. Just a chick lit kinda thing. I have, what I think, is a great idea for a fluff read. And I mean, with the right help and editor's or whatever, why not give it a go? I'm not a good writer, but I've read so many crap books that i realize I don't necessarily need to be. Especially in that kind of genre.
We'll see. I've had this idea for a couple years and have yet to do anything about it, but I'm starting to think that now is the time.
I have one more thing to talk about, but I think I will leave that for another day. Nothing major, but it doesn't really have anything to do with anything else here.
Later.