(no subject)
Ok so I know I'm not on here at all lately, but I'm still alive. I mainly use this to express my thoughts or to hit on big things on my mind, well this is just me ruminating on something thats on my mind.....
So I have people tell me all the time that I'm too stressed and need to relax more, and its so f***ing true, but I guess I just don't know how to do that. I kinda think I've always kinda been more responsible and acted older then my actual age. In high school I was always the good kid, but I had my sports, I was an athlete, I wasn't a great athlete but I had my sports and I was decent for the most part. In my first year of college I was more reserved, then during my 2nd year I walked on to the crew team, this was a huge thing in my life. I love the time I spent with the crew team and I met so many fabulous people who are so great.Thats when I really started to open up at ucf. But then I started the Athletic training program the summer before my 3rd year. I guess you could say my 3rd year was my real social year, I drank more then any other time, and went out more then any other time. Alot of people had this idea of me as the "drinker" even though I didn't drink that much, really, but people still got that impression of me (and people who read this can confirm that, ha). During junior year I'd go out every thursday, that was my tequila sunrise nite. I was also in awesome shape junior year, the best shape I ever was in without being on a True team sport. But then july 17th really messed up my world, thats the day I had my slap repair on my shoulder, and life has been down since, which is sad and sucks. For the longest time I couldn't workout or go out like I wanted to cause I was at risk for messing up my shoulder or because it was hurting. I really think that my life and who I am has changed since that surgery. I've had two surgeries on my shoulder since and I'm still not in the shape I was that july. And I stopped going out as much. Another thing is that most of my partying friends left me after graduation. And now I just think, well If I go out what if this or that happens. I'm to worried about what could happen, and I guess I don't have those friends that used to get me to relax. I worry too much these days about my shoulder/knee and school. Right now I'm dealing with being a full time grad student, working, and my shoulder/knee. Some may say that I have no outlet for my stress , and thats true, some may say I have too much on my plate, could be but I've always been a busy person. I guess I'm still trying to findout where I fit into life right now, how to make everything work, and I just haven't figured that out yet. With friends moving away and starting grad school over the summmer, a lot has changed in my world and it sucks. I almost think I need to take up drinking more often just to see if it would help me relax, cause I don't know what else will help me relax......Question of the nite: how does one go about relaxing? How do you relax?