Anti-Imprinting Series pt. 2
I sleep while Leah drives. It's a very unrestful sleep. The car bounces and my neck is craned. Whenever I close my eyes I think of Quill and my family. Where is Quill now? Has he read the letter? What will he do? A few tears trickle out of my eyes; I'm alone with a girl who is a bitch. But Leah wouldn't hurt me. She's protecting me. Leah glances at me. "Did you have a good sleep, kid?"
"Not really. Sleeping in a car has never been my thing." Leah laughs, and it's not a bitter laugh but a genuine one. I'm shocked. I don't think I've ever heard Leah laugh before. "My family and I went on a trip to Jamaica and six of us were crammed into a car. About three of us had to sit on each other's laps. Then the drive lasted six hours and I got my period. When I tried to sleep, I kept banging my head against the glass. By the time we got back to the hotel, I was throughly pissed."
I giggle and it feels great. "You had an awful time," I manage to say.
"I'd rather go through that car trip again than be in your position," Leah tells me. I clench my fists. I'm just a girl, sheltered and innocent. What chance do I have in the real world? Leah looks at me. "You know, Claire, it's okay to be scared."
"I'm not scared," I protest, even though I keep imagining the pack coming to drag me back. I can't be scared around Leah. I don't want her to think that I'm weak.
"Yeah, right. It's okay to be scared, though." I want to tell her that I can't be afraid because she's here and I don't want to seem weak. I don't want Leah to think I'm a burden. To tell the truth, I've never really noticed Leah before. To me she was always the beautiful, damaged bitch- someone I avoided. Every time I was near her I was worried that she would verbally tear me down. But maybe her being bitchy was her way of dealing with the world. Maybe she just put up a front so people wouldn't see how hurt she was. Maybe it was better to hurt people than to allow them to hurt you. I don't know.
"There's no shame in being scared, Claire." I wonder why she calls me Claire now. When she calls me kid I feel safe. I wonder if I should tell Leah that. Hah! She'd laugh in my face. Maybe she wouldn't. I'm judging Leah based on everyone's stories. I'm not judging her based on my experience. Leah rescued me. She's the one who clued me into the whole imprinting thing.
"Hey, Leah? Remember when you first told me about imprinting?"
"Oh, yeah! You called me a jealous bitter harpy bitch who was just jealous that she'd never get screwed! Real original, kid." I perk up at the kid and then I blush. I can't believe I was so rude to someone who was only trying to help me. I'm lucky that Leah didn't murder me. "I'm sorry. I was just mad that you said my best friend didn't give a shit about me and was only waiting until I was old enough to fuck."
"That does sound bad. It's no wonder you yelled at me. I probably should have praised it in a nicer way, but I was just so disgusted by everyone getting their fairy-tale endings."
"You were jealous?" I can't believe I just said that.
"Look, kid, you don't have to be afraid of me all the time. I'm not going to hurt you every time you ask me a question."
"Okay. So, were you jealous?"
"Yes. I was jealous of everybody getting their happy endings."
"You mean a boyfriend/girlfriend."
"Yes. That's stressed around there."
"You don't need a boyfriend to be happy. Or a girlfriend. You can find happiness by finding yourself, independence-it's not all about romance."
"You're pretty smart."
"I read." I gather my courage for what I'm about to ask. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
"I suppose."
"Is it true that you can't..."
"Have children. Yes. It's not the end of the world, though. I thought it was because if I'm infertile then I can't be imprinted on, but there are more important things."
"Oh. I was just wondering whether that was why you decided to leave."
"Part of it. The main reason was keeping you safe. Then I was sick of being the bitch. I tried to tell these people that they can't get away with abuse and pedophilia, but they didn't listen. Whatever. I'm past caring." I wonder if they asked for help if Leah would help them. Bonds are an unusual thing.
An hour later, we are at a hotel. The room is small, but it's clean. There's only one bed. For a moment I worry, then I stop. I'm being silly. Just because Leah and I are going to share a bed doesn't mean that anything will happen. Maybe we'll talk though. I'd like that. I've found out that it's fun talking with Leah.
Maybe we won't talk tonight. My jaw nearly falls off from yawning. My eyes both burn and itch. My neck is sore and my limbs are stiff. Right now sleeping in a bed sounds wonderful. My cell phone rings. I don't know who the hell would be calling me at the wee hours of the morning. I curse my phone for not being updated and having caller ID.
"Hello?" I yawn.
"Claire?"
No. Come on, it hasn't even been a night. "Quill." I try to make my voice flat and harsh.
"I read your letter. Claire, you're over-reacting."
My blood boils. "How dare you? You attacked my best friend and hit me!"
"I'm sorry, Claire. I lost my temper. I get jealous, you know."
"That' s not an excuse. You can't beat up everyone who comes in contact with me. You never loved me Quill. You just wanted a fuck buddy."
"That bitch has been talking to you, hasn't she? Hasn't she? What's she been saying to you, huh? What lies has she been telling you? She's a liar! I'm the only one who will ever love you, Claire! I've been there for you all your life! I was there to pick up the pieces! Leah will just hurt you!"
"Not she won't. She saved me." There's a yell and the sound of glass shattering. My heart beat accelerates so does my breathing. Quill speaks again. He's almost begging. "Please come back, Claire-bear. Come back to me, where you belong." I can't believe how controlling that sounds. I belong to him? Why that pig! Before I can curse him out, Quill whispers, "I will find you, Claire. We will be together." The line goes dead.
I stare at the wall until my entire vision is white. Quill is coming for me. There's no escape. No, Leah will protect me. No, I can't drag her into this. I'm in the middle of getting off the bed when Leah comes out of the shower. "Hey, kid. I heard yelling. What was that about?"
Should I tell Leah? I decide I might as well. "Quill called." I wait for her to explode. "WHAT?" Leah shrieks. "What do you mean he called?"
"Just called to get me back. Told me you were a bitch and a liar, to come back to him, where I belonged, and that we'd be together." I try to sound annoyed, as if this is no big deal. Leah's face darkens. I suddenly remember why I was afraid of her. She snatches my phone and dials a number. "No, it's Leah, asswipe. Oh, I' m a liar, am I? I was just telling Claire the truth. If Claire doesn't do what you say, you'll put her in her place, am I right? Yeah, well, it won't work. Stay the hell away from Claire or I'll castrate you!" Leah clicks off my phone.
"Thanks."
"Not my best work. I'm tired."
"It was better than what I would have said." I yawn and Leah tells me to get some rest. I try, but all I can think about is Quill. He's going to come after me, and I bet he'll have the support of the pack. How could Leah and I fight against them? I imagine being dragged back to the reservation after being brutally maimed. I shudder. No, Claire. You've done enough crying.
"Come here, kid." Leah wraps her arms around me and I relax. It's so odd to think that Leah is hugging me and stroking my hair. It's so odd to think that I feel safe with her. As I fall asleep I wish the pack could see the Leah I've come to know.