who knows...
talked to audrey today...that was good...sleep all day, watched t.v...showered and went to work...exciting? hardly(cept talking to audery)...
i wonder if all humans are as complex as we think...or are we simply not taping into our ability and capablities to control, understand and use emotion to our uptmost advantage...do we create tension simply b/c without it...everything is good...i dont know...it seems that way...we control them to a certain point but not enough to keep us happy...cause even if we are happy then we think it is too good to be true so we ruin it...now if we do it intentionally or not is not the question...but we all seem to do it...im happy for the most part but within my own mind...and a couple of outside distractions...i seem to be putting myself through hell...when there should be nothing for me to wry about...why is this...controling these emotions seems entirely feesible b/c what i am doing is non essential to my feelings of happiness...it just ruins it...so why am i allowing it to go on?...do we choose these feelings...i think essentially we do...so...i have cracked this out...i have emotions, i can pretty much control them but at times i choose not to...b/c if i am happy i feel sub-human...so i create unecessary tension within my body and mind...stripping me of my positive feelings towards the world and somehow rerouting them into negative feelings toward myself and other things...why must i do this to myself?...
who knows maybe i am just really really tired and lonely right now which has triggered these feeling of not so much hate but negativity towards my own state of happiness...yeah well
bed time
i wonder if all humans are as complex as we think...or are we simply not taping into our ability and capablities to control, understand and use emotion to our uptmost advantage...do we create tension simply b/c without it...everything is good...i dont know...it seems that way...we control them to a certain point but not enough to keep us happy...cause even if we are happy then we think it is too good to be true so we ruin it...now if we do it intentionally or not is not the question...but we all seem to do it...im happy for the most part but within my own mind...and a couple of outside distractions...i seem to be putting myself through hell...when there should be nothing for me to wry about...why is this...controling these emotions seems entirely feesible b/c what i am doing is non essential to my feelings of happiness...it just ruins it...so why am i allowing it to go on?...do we choose these feelings...i think essentially we do...so...i have cracked this out...i have emotions, i can pretty much control them but at times i choose not to...b/c if i am happy i feel sub-human...so i create unecessary tension within my body and mind...stripping me of my positive feelings towards the world and somehow rerouting them into negative feelings toward myself and other things...why must i do this to myself?...
who knows maybe i am just really really tired and lonely right now which has triggered these feeling of not so much hate but negativity towards my own state of happiness...yeah well
bed time