A Month of Fic Day 29
29. Regret - Detective Conan
“Do you ever stop to wonder, Tantei-kun, what life would be like if you were born someone else?”
Conan couldn’t make out Kid’s expression with the mottled shadows of leaves and branches falling over them. He sounded wistful though, perched out of reach and nonchalant like he belonged in that tree and not like he was intruding on Conan’s walk at all. “Not really,” Conan said, playing along. Call it curiosity or detective instinct, there was something off about Kid’s appearance tonight.
“Hmm.” The thief’s leg swung casually far above Conan’s head. “I suppose it’s one thing to live a different life for a while.”
Was that a reference to Kid’s disguises or to Conan’s own situation? “What if scenarios like that don’t do any good,” Conan said cautiously. He couldn’t read the mood or Kid’s objective in this line of questioning. “You can’t change your past.”
“No. You can’t.” There was something wrong with Kid tonight. He was too open in his emotions, too subdued compared to what Conan had become used to dealing with. It didn’t fit with his usual persona. More baffling was why he’d seek Conan out when he knew that Conan was likely to pick at any opening Kid gave away.
“I’ve wondered about if I’d made different choices before,” Conan offered, sharing a small bit of his own vulnerability. Kid’s leg stilled as he listened. “What if I had tried talking to certain killers as soon as I suspected them maybe there wouldn’t have been a second victim, or what if I’d asked for help?” Kid might have been another shadow, he was so still. “I could go in circles with that line of questions after every case if I let myself, so I don’t. I made the choice, things happened, and I can’t take the choice back.”
“But what about the things we don’t choose, Tantei-kun? What about the things that we’re born into?”
“There’s always some choice,” Conan said, thinking it through. He couldn’t choose who his parents were for example, but he could have chosen how he reacted to them and their fame, or gone travelling with them instead of staying in Japan. “It’s not like I was born a detective any more than you were born a thief.”
Kid laughed softly at that. “I wonder.”
Conan frowned. “Kid?”
“If you were born in my life and I was born in yours, would you be the thief and I the detective?” Kid mused. He shook his head. “Just idle thoughts.”
Sure they were, Conan thought. There was always a point to Kid. He didn’t do casual. “I think that at our core we’d still be ourselves no matter what life we were born into.”
“Maybe.” Kid’s monocle glinted in the dark. “You’re right about it being a pointless exercise though. We can’t change the past.”
“You can change how you act going forward though,” Conan challenged. “Make choices so you don’t repeat regrets.”
“True.” Kid tipped his hat. “I’ll remember that.”
“Do you ever stop to wonder, Tantei-kun, what life would be like if you were born someone else?”
Conan couldn’t make out Kid’s expression with the mottled shadows of leaves and branches falling over them. He sounded wistful though, perched out of reach and nonchalant like he belonged in that tree and not like he was intruding on Conan’s walk at all. “Not really,” Conan said, playing along. Call it curiosity or detective instinct, there was something off about Kid’s appearance tonight.
“Hmm.” The thief’s leg swung casually far above Conan’s head. “I suppose it’s one thing to live a different life for a while.”
Was that a reference to Kid’s disguises or to Conan’s own situation? “What if scenarios like that don’t do any good,” Conan said cautiously. He couldn’t read the mood or Kid’s objective in this line of questioning. “You can’t change your past.”
“No. You can’t.” There was something wrong with Kid tonight. He was too open in his emotions, too subdued compared to what Conan had become used to dealing with. It didn’t fit with his usual persona. More baffling was why he’d seek Conan out when he knew that Conan was likely to pick at any opening Kid gave away.
“I’ve wondered about if I’d made different choices before,” Conan offered, sharing a small bit of his own vulnerability. Kid’s leg stilled as he listened. “What if I had tried talking to certain killers as soon as I suspected them maybe there wouldn’t have been a second victim, or what if I’d asked for help?” Kid might have been another shadow, he was so still. “I could go in circles with that line of questions after every case if I let myself, so I don’t. I made the choice, things happened, and I can’t take the choice back.”
“But what about the things we don’t choose, Tantei-kun? What about the things that we’re born into?”
“There’s always some choice,” Conan said, thinking it through. He couldn’t choose who his parents were for example, but he could have chosen how he reacted to them and their fame, or gone travelling with them instead of staying in Japan. “It’s not like I was born a detective any more than you were born a thief.”
Kid laughed softly at that. “I wonder.”
Conan frowned. “Kid?”
“If you were born in my life and I was born in yours, would you be the thief and I the detective?” Kid mused. He shook his head. “Just idle thoughts.”
Sure they were, Conan thought. There was always a point to Kid. He didn’t do casual. “I think that at our core we’d still be ourselves no matter what life we were born into.”
“Maybe.” Kid’s monocle glinted in the dark. “You’re right about it being a pointless exercise though. We can’t change the past.”
“You can change how you act going forward though,” Conan challenged. “Make choices so you don’t repeat regrets.”
“True.” Kid tipped his hat. “I’ll remember that.”