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[lisa_monique]

Part of me thinks I should make this post private, and only viewable to certain friends, but in realizing somebody else has felt such similar hurt, maybe somebody reading my journal will be comforted knowing *they* aren't the only ones either

Comments

[lihiara]

I know exactly the sensation. Every time I have ever attempted to confront my father with the more violent or traumatic events in my childhood he has very calmly looked at me as though I were insane, told me that no such event ever occured and suggested psychotherapy. Having someone say "yes, I did that and I regret it," as your father did, is wonderful and a good start to healing. Even if they say "yes, I did that and I had reasons for it and I don't regret it" you can get some sort of closure on it because, whether or not you respect their reasons, you know they existed and perhaps you can learn to forgive the kind of person who would make those choices in that situation. But to have someone say, with calm certainty "that never happened" leaves you in a horrible limbo. I haven't managed to make any headway in forgiving my father, he has made no effort to help me except to continually suggest that I am a delinquent daughter for not giving he and his family the attention he wants. So, like you, I find that my life is a calmer, saner, more emotionally stable place if I simply have nothing to do with him. And even then, there is a small corner at the back of my mind which continually waits for the other shoe to drop when I will somehow be punished for not doing what he wants. I have not yet managed to get to a place where he can't hurt me anymore, but I'm working on it.

Interestingly, my mother and I have agreed not to exchange gifts this year either. Maybe I'll send something to you instead : )

Soap sounds like a lot of work. You don't raid liposuction clinics too do you?

[lisa_monique]

Whoever said "Time heals all wounds" was a liar. The painful edges may dull a bit over time, but it never truly goes away. Especially pain that was inflicted as a child. Because you feel things, and process things so much differently, well, actually, you don't quite process it, at all as a child, making it even more difficult as an adult. Then when you are old enough, and wise enough to begin the process, there are so many layers to get through, that it's one of the most difficult tasks to break through it all. And this is why it's wonderful that there are so many emotionally f-ed up people in the world. We can lean on each other for comfort and understanding. =o)

While I really appreciate the thought, you don't need to send me a gift for Christmas. Buy yourself something special, and post about it. ;o) BUT, what you CAN do, is buy me a drink when I come to Vegas next. Even if it's at the Wild Wild West for their fifty cent happy hour! ;o)

liposuction clinics - OMG, that had me laughing...
You'd be so surprised to know what is actually in soap, and shampoo, and dish soap, and hand soap, etc., etc. And human fat, would actually make the BEST soap, I'm sure! I vary from using oils such as olive and coconut, as well as rendered fat. It's quite an interesting process, and I figure, if the world ever collapses, and the economy goes to hell, and people are living like it was the "Dirty Thirties" again, I at least have a skill that will be good for bartering! ;o)

[lihiara]

My group of friends in the Bay Area affectionately refers to itself as either Satan Incorporated or The Walking Wounded. It's funny how people with similar emotional problems find themselves drawn to each other.

I am excellent at buying drinks. A master. On the other hand, my friend just bought me a complete martini set for Christmas so perhaps by the time you get here I shall be cabable of making you a drink.

[lisa_monique]

Oh how exciting! Well...my birthday is Feb. 1st, and I have every intention of celebrating in Vegas! So you have about a month and a half to learn! lol