You can't point the way to your heart.
Things that I do that I know cannot possibly be healthy: #241. I regularly browse and have an account at www.theknot.com
I started thinking about the people who hate me. Okay, sure, there are people who hate me and I couldn't care less that they do because I know that i've done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve their wrath. It's the people who hate me and I feel somewhat responsible for it. Since I feel that I may speak candidly, (as I often do on here, anyway,) it still truly pains me to know that Andrew still hates me. There. I said it. And truth be told, I liked him. I really did. In short, somewhere along the way, something really bad happened and the rest is history. While I admit that there were certainly things I shouldn't have said, I was not wholly the reason as to why we're on such tragic terms. He said some really awful things to me and I feel like a lot of words were exchanged and misunderstood. I think that part of it is that we were young and were at different places in our lives. He made his feelings quite clear and I made mine quite ambiguous because I wanted to wait before being in a relationship (the previous one proving to be disastrous.) You know how they say that there's always going to be somebody that you can't completely get over? Well, even though nothing ever actually went into fruition, I will always have that feeling of what might've been with him. And sometimes he said the sweetest things, I just can't get over it. Now it's not even worth thinking about, anymore, because I'm pretty sure he wouldn't give me the light of day and I wouldn't want to be the one crawling back when I wasn't the only one at fault. Not like it matters. He could be with the love of his life, now, and I'm... in a relationship, too. I told James once, and he didn't quite believe me. I think that he was more disappointed with the idea that I might've liked Andrew more than him (as J and I were once linked.)
So what made me think of this? Tonight's episode of House. By the way, I love Hugh Laurie. He's #1 on my hottie over 40 list. Anyway, it kills me that him and Cuddy didn't really end up together and the vision of House popping pills, for some reason, made me think of AK. Strange, I know.
I was listening to this Aimee Mann song about how life is what you make it. So I guess all there is to ask is, how else can I try to save this disintegrating relationship with CJ? (That's rhetorical, please don't respond to that.) At least if I try and save it, I won't feel like I wasted the last 3 years of my life.
I started thinking about the people who hate me. Okay, sure, there are people who hate me and I couldn't care less that they do because I know that i've done absolutely nothing wrong to deserve their wrath. It's the people who hate me and I feel somewhat responsible for it. Since I feel that I may speak candidly, (as I often do on here, anyway,) it still truly pains me to know that Andrew still hates me. There. I said it. And truth be told, I liked him. I really did. In short, somewhere along the way, something really bad happened and the rest is history. While I admit that there were certainly things I shouldn't have said, I was not wholly the reason as to why we're on such tragic terms. He said some really awful things to me and I feel like a lot of words were exchanged and misunderstood. I think that part of it is that we were young and were at different places in our lives. He made his feelings quite clear and I made mine quite ambiguous because I wanted to wait before being in a relationship (the previous one proving to be disastrous.) You know how they say that there's always going to be somebody that you can't completely get over? Well, even though nothing ever actually went into fruition, I will always have that feeling of what might've been with him. And sometimes he said the sweetest things, I just can't get over it. Now it's not even worth thinking about, anymore, because I'm pretty sure he wouldn't give me the light of day and I wouldn't want to be the one crawling back when I wasn't the only one at fault. Not like it matters. He could be with the love of his life, now, and I'm... in a relationship, too. I told James once, and he didn't quite believe me. I think that he was more disappointed with the idea that I might've liked Andrew more than him (as J and I were once linked.)
So what made me think of this? Tonight's episode of House. By the way, I love Hugh Laurie. He's #1 on my hottie over 40 list. Anyway, it kills me that him and Cuddy didn't really end up together and the vision of House popping pills, for some reason, made me think of AK. Strange, I know.
I was listening to this Aimee Mann song about how life is what you make it. So I guess all there is to ask is, how else can I try to save this disintegrating relationship with CJ? (That's rhetorical, please don't respond to that.) At least if I try and save it, I won't feel like I wasted the last 3 years of my life.