(no subject)

[lirpaxoapril]

dayum! I dont write in this shit at all! maybe if I had time, or a good computer I would write a lot but you know what I mean. Anyways. Right now I am at Andie's house, writing in my journal. Dam haven't written in a daaaam while. Well theres this boy, and shit has been going down for a while now, and it is ridicoulous, cause he knows how I feel, I know he does, and I know how he feels. But he's as stubborn as all can be, and he is just like me - always thinking he is right, but never wants to fight with me. So if it comes down to it, he tells me I'm right even if he knows he is, and he will just say it so we don't fight. Six months is a long time, and it isn't that long for me. Since my longest was two years, but when you get out of something, like that, something you think will last forever - and doesn't, hurts, and to have it come all over again sucks. It's hard pushing away feelings that you don't want, and it isn't that I don't want them, but should I have them? I think not. And I put myself through more pain and bullshit, when I should get out of it, just like I should have before. So it's a whole new experience, and even though I lived it before, it's more like starting over and redoing what you think can be fixed. Maybe things aren't what they seem, but people change, and people stay the same, and some people just get better or worst. Or are their grand ol' self they always been. So again, staying in something you know isn't good for you, but yet you stay cause you love him = many days and hours of hurt and pain, dont get me wrong i was happy, but it didn't last, and nothing will at this time. Why should anything last? Your only so young, for so little time, and waste it with someone you "love" or care about? I mean come on, then think about you being happy, and all of a sudden they change in one day... they do stupid shit and fuck up your whole life, your daily basis, your living habits, breathing, eating, sleeping. It is crazy how someone can have so much power over someone else, more that themselves. Theres one person out there to make you do whatever they say, and they change your whole life. And you think it's good until they CHANGE. I think now, that I haven't been in something so long, I want this one boy, more than anything. And if anyone knew exactly what I meant they would understand. He's more than anything. He pisses me off soooo much that I could kill him.. but yet again - I just can't live without him. He could hurt me in the most painful way - he could tell me sorry and kiss me , and I still wouldn't leave his side. Now you tell me, why does this one person have so much power over someone else, and they have no power over themselves? A love hate kinda thing? BULLSHIT. Its life. That's how you deal with it. Going through it with friends and family and the most important people in your life. And that leads me to my conclusion... I love Mandy, Andie, and Alyn you 3 are my bestest friends, sisters, and niggas. Without yous I would be shit, and I wouldnt be pretty bitch lol thanks for everything girls i love you!
and my moms :) and daddy d ;) lol!

lata xox april kathleen - apey kathy - pretty bitch - lil gangsta xox