(no subject)
I feel this month has flown by. In fact, I feel like the last couple of months have flown by without my notice or commentary. I was thinking about this yesterday when recalling that odd encounter with that kid at school: "Oh, wow, that was back in September, wasn't it?" Yeah, it was. Where have the other eight or so weeks gone since that?
For the moment I am done with school. I haven't given this much thought and yet, in a way I have. I'm being practical and, hopefully, saving myself future headaches by deciding to just... let go. Its only taken me four (or is it five?) years, but I've finally gotten my associate's! Well, hopefully. I don't have the actual diploma, but I did some math and I should passed all my classes. I epically failed my statistics final, but even if I got a zero on it, with the grades from my other tests I should just scrape by. Thank god college doesn't follow York's private school grade scale is all I can say. But I digress. Even though it's going against what's familiar and I suppose to some degree "comfortable," I'm taking the spring semester of school off. I've put minimal effort and thought into applying to Umass Dartmouth for the spring semester and actually toyed with the idea of starting a new degree at the 4Cs, but I think it would be best to actually take some time off. Figure out exactly what I want to do, where I want to continue my "education" ('cause I can't honestly say that college has taught me all that much, thus far), and give myself time to give those two things some serious thought.
I'm not going to like it, I can already tell. But I feel like I'll also gain some freedom from this. I'll gain the time necessary to be creative. I won't be so stressed out and maybe not so hard on myself for not living up to my own expectations.
I'm scared of getting depressed though. Well, if I'm being honest I've pretty much been depressed since moving to Massachusetts. Life is better than what it was when I first got here, but I feel like I'm still waiting for... my life to start, or something to that effect. I concluded a bit ago that I'm probably not meant to be here and I wasn't meant to end up where I have; that I went against the grain of destiny or something. But what's done is done. Now I just got to figure out how to get back on course.
I hope that I'll be able to achieve clarity and peace of mind during this time. I think I can, I think I can, I think. I can.
For the moment I am done with school. I haven't given this much thought and yet, in a way I have. I'm being practical and, hopefully, saving myself future headaches by deciding to just... let go. Its only taken me four (or is it five?) years, but I've finally gotten my associate's! Well, hopefully. I don't have the actual diploma, but I did some math and I should passed all my classes. I epically failed my statistics final, but even if I got a zero on it, with the grades from my other tests I should just scrape by. Thank god college doesn't follow York's private school grade scale is all I can say. But I digress. Even though it's going against what's familiar and I suppose to some degree "comfortable," I'm taking the spring semester of school off. I've put minimal effort and thought into applying to Umass Dartmouth for the spring semester and actually toyed with the idea of starting a new degree at the 4Cs, but I think it would be best to actually take some time off. Figure out exactly what I want to do, where I want to continue my "education" ('cause I can't honestly say that college has taught me all that much, thus far), and give myself time to give those two things some serious thought.
I'm not going to like it, I can already tell. But I feel like I'll also gain some freedom from this. I'll gain the time necessary to be creative. I won't be so stressed out and maybe not so hard on myself for not living up to my own expectations.
I'm scared of getting depressed though. Well, if I'm being honest I've pretty much been depressed since moving to Massachusetts. Life is better than what it was when I first got here, but I feel like I'm still waiting for... my life to start, or something to that effect. I concluded a bit ago that I'm probably not meant to be here and I wasn't meant to end up where I have; that I went against the grain of destiny or something. But what's done is done. Now I just got to figure out how to get back on course.
I hope that I'll be able to achieve clarity and peace of mind during this time. I think I can, I think I can, I think. I can.