Bitter much?
When Melissa, my sister-in-law, was heading back from Florida, she told me over the phone that she and Thomas are planning on moving back to Florida ASAFP (as soon as fucking possible). Can't say as I blame her. I don't think that Pagosa ever really felt like home to her or Thomas. They loved it at first. And really, it's a hard place not to love, overall. But when you've got a mother-in-law that coaxes you to Colorado by making all these promises, but then totally changes her mind, her story, and claims that she NEVER promised any of those sort of things.....yeah, I can see why Pagosa's overall beauty managed to escape her. I myself have outgrown my once immense desire to live there for the simple fact that I don't want to be that close to my mother.
But, this isn't about me, it's about my brother and my sister-in-law.
So, anyway, I've known about these plans for a few weeks.
Mom called on.....Saturday. Yes, Saturday (spaced on the date for a second) because she said that she had some news to share with me. Well, turns out that she'd only just found out of Thomas and Melissa's plans to move and she was surprised to find out that I already knew and had known for a while. She didn't SAY that she was surprised, but she really sucks at hiding what she's feeling from the tone of her voice.
According to Mum, Dad found out through Dylan (my nephew). They went over on Saturday to help them all do a lot of clearing and much-needed burning of undergrowth and such. When I talked to Melissa yesterday, she expressed her bitterness over the fact that it's taken something like this to get Mom and Dave over there.
I do know that Mom and Dave love the boys tremendously, but it became quite clear that they have taken all of them being there for granted. They've not spent nearly as much time with them as they should have or could have. Especially Mom. Dad has an excuse. For the past year (even a bit over) Dad's been having to work in Alamosa (which is at least 2 hours away from Pagosa) during the week and he comes home on the weekends, which is when he tries to catch up on rest. But Mom. Mom has been home for the whole friggin' summer, with the exception of an occasion trip here and there (such as the trip to go to my cousin, Christopher's wedding up in Michigan). I mean, I understand that Mom's got her own life, but she really let it get in the way of spending time with her grandsons. Though I can understand her exileration in freedom from having to do such tasks as homeschooling me and whatnot, she let that freedom become her main focus and hasn't spent as much time with Thomas and Melissa and the boys as she could have.
So, anyway, her voice made it quite clear that she wasn't happy, first of all, with the fact that I've known for quite a while before she found out, and second of all, that they're moving away [out of her grasp].
Mom, as big of a "Christian" as she is, still has a hard time recognizing things about herself that, basically, make her a huge bitch. And one of those things is her heavy desire for things to be in her control. ALL things must be done with her blessing or they better not be done at all. She reeks of that. Or things better be done when she says that they should be done, because people living their lives on their own time just doesn't set well with her.
When I talked to Mom again on Sunday, her bitterness was only even more apparent. I don't think that she's even once thought about Melissa's feelings; why Melissa feels the need to move back to Florida, closer to her family.
"Well, with Thomas gone (my brother works in Albuquerque during the week), Melissa's had to be the sole person responsible for the boys, and I guess that just doesn't set well with her."
Yeah. My darling mother said that.
And at one point, years ago, I would have believed that too, back when the only side of things that I'd heard was my mother's. Her denial that she'd ever promised Melissa that she'd help out as much as Melissa claimed she did. But, having been myself at the receiving end of hearing a promise that I very much needed only to have her come up with countless bullshit reasons why she couldn't do it (all the while laying the blame on me).....yeah. I'm more apt to believe Thomas and Melissa's side of it.
And so, I am very excited for them. They NEED to get away from Mom.
All Mom could think of was how Melissa has managed to get in a visit with her family at least once a year (which is good, considering how far Florida is from Colorado) but "they're probably not going to get back here that much". *sigh*
I VERY much wanted to tell Mom something that I have to remind myself of quite often: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!! STOP MAKING IT ALL ABOUT YOU!!
Like I said, I don't think that Mom has once put herself in Melissa's place; even bothered to stop and consider how Melissa feels. She's taking this all as a personal attack. I hate to say it, but Mom just reminds me a lot of Marie Barone off of "Everybody Loves Raymond" (gods, I hate that show).
It's just so sad.
And don't get me wrong, I do love my mother. But GOD AND GODDESS I hope that I'm a helluva better mother-in-law than she is.
I mean, I understand that she's going to miss them. But this bitterness and her attitude.......gods. Is it really any wonder Melissa wants to get back to Florida.
I LIKED her family. They hardly ever missed an opportunity to get to see the boys, they were warm and very likable. And they didn't complain that "they can't watch both Travis and Dylan together" like my mom does. She complains that when she watches the two of them together that "she can't handle them".
"Funny," Melissa told me back when I was home for a visit. "I can watch the two of them by myself just fine and they don't give me any sort of shit like what Mom claims." And I've never once heard of Melissa's mother and step-father, Caroline and Mac, complaining of that sort of thing, nor her father and step-mother, Larry and Julie.
Not surprising at all. Just more reasons pulled out of Mom's ass as to why she can't be there for her family when they need her.
And you know what sucks? My mother is the only grandma that Adriyan and this baby that I'm expecting have. I would love it if Aunt Rusty and Uncle Randy would let Adriyan and "Big Bird" call them "Grandma and Grandpa" as well. Just so that they can have a taste of grandparents that have the warmth for children like Melissa's parents do.
I might even ask Aunt Rusty about that. Ask her if she and Uncle Randy would be comfortable with that.
Anywho. I think that that's enough from me right now. All this is just sad. Sad and unnecessary.
But, this isn't about me, it's about my brother and my sister-in-law.
So, anyway, I've known about these plans for a few weeks.
Mom called on.....Saturday. Yes, Saturday (spaced on the date for a second) because she said that she had some news to share with me. Well, turns out that she'd only just found out of Thomas and Melissa's plans to move and she was surprised to find out that I already knew and had known for a while. She didn't SAY that she was surprised, but she really sucks at hiding what she's feeling from the tone of her voice.
According to Mum, Dad found out through Dylan (my nephew). They went over on Saturday to help them all do a lot of clearing and much-needed burning of undergrowth and such. When I talked to Melissa yesterday, she expressed her bitterness over the fact that it's taken something like this to get Mom and Dave over there.
I do know that Mom and Dave love the boys tremendously, but it became quite clear that they have taken all of them being there for granted. They've not spent nearly as much time with them as they should have or could have. Especially Mom. Dad has an excuse. For the past year (even a bit over) Dad's been having to work in Alamosa (which is at least 2 hours away from Pagosa) during the week and he comes home on the weekends, which is when he tries to catch up on rest. But Mom. Mom has been home for the whole friggin' summer, with the exception of an occasion trip here and there (such as the trip to go to my cousin, Christopher's wedding up in Michigan). I mean, I understand that Mom's got her own life, but she really let it get in the way of spending time with her grandsons. Though I can understand her exileration in freedom from having to do such tasks as homeschooling me and whatnot, she let that freedom become her main focus and hasn't spent as much time with Thomas and Melissa and the boys as she could have.
So, anyway, her voice made it quite clear that she wasn't happy, first of all, with the fact that I've known for quite a while before she found out, and second of all, that they're moving away [out of her grasp].
Mom, as big of a "Christian" as she is, still has a hard time recognizing things about herself that, basically, make her a huge bitch. And one of those things is her heavy desire for things to be in her control. ALL things must be done with her blessing or they better not be done at all. She reeks of that. Or things better be done when she says that they should be done, because people living their lives on their own time just doesn't set well with her.
When I talked to Mom again on Sunday, her bitterness was only even more apparent. I don't think that she's even once thought about Melissa's feelings; why Melissa feels the need to move back to Florida, closer to her family.
"Well, with Thomas gone (my brother works in Albuquerque during the week), Melissa's had to be the sole person responsible for the boys, and I guess that just doesn't set well with her."
Yeah. My darling mother said that.
And at one point, years ago, I would have believed that too, back when the only side of things that I'd heard was my mother's. Her denial that she'd ever promised Melissa that she'd help out as much as Melissa claimed she did. But, having been myself at the receiving end of hearing a promise that I very much needed only to have her come up with countless bullshit reasons why she couldn't do it (all the while laying the blame on me).....yeah. I'm more apt to believe Thomas and Melissa's side of it.
And so, I am very excited for them. They NEED to get away from Mom.
All Mom could think of was how Melissa has managed to get in a visit with her family at least once a year (which is good, considering how far Florida is from Colorado) but "they're probably not going to get back here that much". *sigh*
I VERY much wanted to tell Mom something that I have to remind myself of quite often: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!! STOP MAKING IT ALL ABOUT YOU!!
Like I said, I don't think that Mom has once put herself in Melissa's place; even bothered to stop and consider how Melissa feels. She's taking this all as a personal attack. I hate to say it, but Mom just reminds me a lot of Marie Barone off of "Everybody Loves Raymond" (gods, I hate that show).
It's just so sad.
And don't get me wrong, I do love my mother. But GOD AND GODDESS I hope that I'm a helluva better mother-in-law than she is.
I mean, I understand that she's going to miss them. But this bitterness and her attitude.......gods. Is it really any wonder Melissa wants to get back to Florida.
I LIKED her family. They hardly ever missed an opportunity to get to see the boys, they were warm and very likable. And they didn't complain that "they can't watch both Travis and Dylan together" like my mom does. She complains that when she watches the two of them together that "she can't handle them".
"Funny," Melissa told me back when I was home for a visit. "I can watch the two of them by myself just fine and they don't give me any sort of shit like what Mom claims." And I've never once heard of Melissa's mother and step-father, Caroline and Mac, complaining of that sort of thing, nor her father and step-mother, Larry and Julie.
Not surprising at all. Just more reasons pulled out of Mom's ass as to why she can't be there for her family when they need her.
And you know what sucks? My mother is the only grandma that Adriyan and this baby that I'm expecting have. I would love it if Aunt Rusty and Uncle Randy would let Adriyan and "Big Bird" call them "Grandma and Grandpa" as well. Just so that they can have a taste of grandparents that have the warmth for children like Melissa's parents do.
I might even ask Aunt Rusty about that. Ask her if she and Uncle Randy would be comfortable with that.
Anywho. I think that that's enough from me right now. All this is just sad. Sad and unnecessary.