Stigmatized Part 3
Title: Stigmatized (3/5)
Rating: PG - 13
Word Count: 1638
Genre: Hancest
Pairing: Taylor / Zac
Disclaimer: I don't own nor have ever met Hanson. Everything about them is completely fiction, and any similarity with reality is a mere coincidence.
Beta:
strigoia. Any mistakes are my own fault.
Author Notes: This started as a gift for Kerry (
chockablock), and I swear it was meant to be a short, one-shot story, but it turned out to be a five chaptered one. So I'm posting it for you to read it too. I really love your comments and concrit, remember flames make me cry! Seriously, please tell me what you think of it. It's been a while since the last time I wrote Hancest.
Story Notes: A bit AU-ish, since there's only three Hanson brothers and they aren't musicians nor famous. It's a songfic based upon The Calling song Stigmatized, from which I took the title.
Other notes: A big "Thank you" to my beta
strigoia for having made the effort to read an RPS about a fandom she doesn't know. It was so nice of you to help me, dear! I owe you!!
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep to together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized
The sun filtered through the half-closed shutters. A man dozed on a couch, moving every so often. A young boy was spread halfway across a chair and the hospital bed where another boy, maybe older than him, remained connected to several machines that controlled him with their beeps. It was a little past six in the morning.
"They are a pretty stamp," a nurse said from the door frame. "Three brothers so close."
"I'm not so sure that they are brothers," another nurse told her. "I think that the one on the chair is Taylor's boyfriend; Taylor is the ill one. The one on the couch must be Taylor's brother."
"And how do you know they're a couple?"
"I heard him say that he loved him and he needed him. Brothers don't usually say that."
"It's obvious you're an only child!"
Both came into the room to make the first round of the day. They verified the patient's vitals without waking up the other two men and left without any noise. Nevertheless, the man on the couch stretched and stood up.
"Zac," he called quietly. "Zac, wake up, you have spent the whole night in the same position, that can't be good."
"Isaac? Is it already morning? " the boy in the chair asked.
"Yes, and you have slept all night lying on Tay's bed."
"Oh."
Zac got up slowly, watching his brother who was still sleeping. He shook his head and passed a hand through his forehead.
"Good morning, Taylor."
"You keep thinking he can hear you, don't you?"
"The doctors had told us to speak to him because they think he'll respond to verbal action, Isaac. I am not going to give up."
"He tried to throw in the towel, Zac, just a month ago. I’m beginning to think that we might have to let him finish what he began."
"You sound just like Mom and Dad," Zac spat. "I am not going to let him die. He tried, yes, but I found him and he's still alive for some reason. I am not going to give up."
He looked again at his brother, lying on the bed as if he was asleep. Zac sighed; he was sure Taylor was fighting in his subconscious mind to keep living, but he had to convince Isaac at least. Zac feared that his parents would try to force the doctors to disconnect him from the machines that kept him alive.
He blamed himself for what Taylor had done. Had he reacted in time when his brother had kissed him, none of this would have happened. He cursed his lack of courage and his indecision when Taylor had needed a defense.
"I have always been a coward," he said aloud, frightening Isaac. "You know? Years ago, I should have accepted what he offered to me. If I had, we wouldn't be here now."
"You're not guilty, nor to blame for which happened years ago. It isn't healthy, and it's not true either."
Isaac got up of the couch and hugged Zac. He felt his youngest brother needed all the love that he was able to give him. In spite of the distance, he could stay close to his two brothers. Two years ago he had left for Washington trying to flee from a familiar atmosphere that oppressed him. His house was no longer what it used to be, or perhaps it never was what he thought. Their parents argued with Taylor over his choices, for his sexual tendencies, for the people he went out with. Little by little, the discussions extended to the rest of the family; Zac went to Los Angeles and he remained as the last bastion of sanity, but it didn't last long. Once his father recovered from the heart attack, Isaac had accepted a job with a music magazine in Washington, and he had packed his suitcases and went away.
His departure had forced Zac to grow up all of a sudden; it had forced him to hide his true identity from the world. Isaac had discovered a secret that Zac had kept bottled up inside for years, and perhaps that was the perfect moment for talking about it.
"Zac, do you remember the weekend Tay and I went to visit you in Los Angeles?"
"I remember that clearly," Zac smiled watching his oldest brother. "It was the best weekend of my life, the three of us wandering around and enjoying like in the old times."
"We arrived a little before you thought we did," Isaac confessed. "But we didn't say anything to you because... well..."
"Isaac?" Zac looked at him worried. He remembered perfectly what he has been doing up to ten minutes before meeting his brothers.
"You were kissing another boy."
Zac let go of the breath he had been holding and blushed violently. Part of his secret was in the open; his stay in Los Angeles had been useful to experiment far from his house and to get over all his frustrations. It had been the place of all his first times.
"Are you gay, Zac?" Isaac didn't sound displeased but only curious.
Los Angeles could have been the place to live all the sensations to the limit, but he had only felt complete when seeing those blue eyes waiting for him at his dorm door.
"Does the answer matter that much?" he answered with a sigh. "It's not going to change anything."
"It would change many things." Isaac gestured to Taylor. "If you really believe he can hear you, it would change much. Are you gay?"
"Yes."
"And are you in love?"
Los Angeles could have been his way of escaping, but he couldn't flee eternally from himself. He had tried to move away, but the distance had not helped him escape from his feelings.
"Right now, yes. With the same person, for so many years."
"I have listened to each word you were saying to him, Zac. And although I don't understand it nor share it, I believe that what you feel is the only thing that can make him wake up."
Isaac approached the door and opened it with a sad smile. When he left, Zac was too stunned to understand the reach of what Isaac had confessed to him.
We'll live our lives,
We'll take the punches every day.
We'll live our lives
I know we're gonna find our way
He heard voices on a distant spot, but he could not call them. He recognized his brothers, he felt them close but he could not touch them. Their arms didn't respond to his attempts to move them.
The words tapped in his mind, those sounds that had made him stop halfway through that tunnel without light at the end. Who had said that he would see a light? It was all dark when he arrived. But he had satrted to walk, moving away from the beginning of the tunnel, when he heard Zac's voice calling for him. Words hadn't had a meaning until a series of sounds said with a voice broken by tears.
"I had fallen for you. For my big brother, for the blond, blue-eyed boy who charms everyone with his smile."
He wanted to take his hand, to rock him and tell him everything was going to come out well, but he couldn't move. Perhaps he was further than he thought, he repeated to himself, and he came back arduously thorugh the tunnel until he reached its beginning. But there he couldn't touch Zac either. Desperate, he sat in the dark to wait, to try to calm Zac without saying a single word.
"I need to hear your voice."
He tried to speak but he couldn't articulate any word. He wanted to caress Zac's cheek and tell him how everything was going to come their way, but he didn't have voice. He wanted to cry and shout, he wanted to fight. He no longer had the desire to die, and suddenly the tunnel frightened him. But he couldn't find an exit. Without voice, powerless, was he condemned to hear his brother suffer without helping him?
"I love you, Taylor. Don't leave me now, when I'm able to accept it."
He had rebelled against his own incapacities. He had jumped in the tunnel, he had screamed without voice, and the light had broken through above his head. He thought he glimpsed some stairs that would take him to the exit, to Zac. He began to climb.
"I am not going to leave you, Zac," he thought. "I am not going to give up. I am coming."
He tripped, he took hold of himself, and he continued climbing. The stairs seemed endless to him. He tripped again, but he had an objective to fulfill. This time he was not going to fail.
"And are you in love?" Isaac asked from the distance.
"Right now, yes. With the same person, for so many years."
He was arriving, he could feel it. The light was brighter, and it dazzled him. Holding onto the stairs, he kept climbing. He was sure that this time everything was going to come out well. He was ready to fight for what he felt.
There was light in the tunnel, but not at the end but at the beginning. He was so close that he could almost feel Zac's breath on his face. He was so close...
He found his voice and the nerves of his arms responded to his desire to move. He reached Zac's hand with difficulty and caressed it almost imperceptibly. Hardly a quiet voice.
"Zac."
He was only aware of those chocolate eyes fixed on his while everything revolved around him.
Rating: PG - 13
Word Count: 1638
Genre: Hancest
Pairing: Taylor / Zac
Disclaimer: I don't own nor have ever met Hanson. Everything about them is completely fiction, and any similarity with reality is a mere coincidence.
Beta:
strigoia. Any mistakes are my own fault.
Author Notes: This started as a gift for Kerry (
chockablock), and I swear it was meant to be a short, one-shot story, but it turned out to be a five chaptered one. So I'm posting it for you to read it too. I really love your comments and concrit, remember flames make me cry! Seriously, please tell me what you think of it. It's been a while since the last time I wrote Hancest.
Story Notes: A bit AU-ish, since there's only three Hanson brothers and they aren't musicians nor famous. It's a songfic based upon The Calling song Stigmatized, from which I took the title.
Other notes: A big "Thank you" to my beta
strigoia for having made the effort to read an RPS about a fandom she doesn't know. It was so nice of you to help me, dear! I owe you!!
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep to together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized
The sun filtered through the half-closed shutters. A man dozed on a couch, moving every so often. A young boy was spread halfway across a chair and the hospital bed where another boy, maybe older than him, remained connected to several machines that controlled him with their beeps. It was a little past six in the morning.
"They are a pretty stamp," a nurse said from the door frame. "Three brothers so close."
"I'm not so sure that they are brothers," another nurse told her. "I think that the one on the chair is Taylor's boyfriend; Taylor is the ill one. The one on the couch must be Taylor's brother."
"And how do you know they're a couple?"
"I heard him say that he loved him and he needed him. Brothers don't usually say that."
"It's obvious you're an only child!"
Both came into the room to make the first round of the day. They verified the patient's vitals without waking up the other two men and left without any noise. Nevertheless, the man on the couch stretched and stood up.
"Zac," he called quietly. "Zac, wake up, you have spent the whole night in the same position, that can't be good."
"Isaac? Is it already morning? " the boy in the chair asked.
"Yes, and you have slept all night lying on Tay's bed."
"Oh."
Zac got up slowly, watching his brother who was still sleeping. He shook his head and passed a hand through his forehead.
"Good morning, Taylor."
"You keep thinking he can hear you, don't you?"
"The doctors had told us to speak to him because they think he'll respond to verbal action, Isaac. I am not going to give up."
"He tried to throw in the towel, Zac, just a month ago. I’m beginning to think that we might have to let him finish what he began."
"You sound just like Mom and Dad," Zac spat. "I am not going to let him die. He tried, yes, but I found him and he's still alive for some reason. I am not going to give up."
He looked again at his brother, lying on the bed as if he was asleep. Zac sighed; he was sure Taylor was fighting in his subconscious mind to keep living, but he had to convince Isaac at least. Zac feared that his parents would try to force the doctors to disconnect him from the machines that kept him alive.
He blamed himself for what Taylor had done. Had he reacted in time when his brother had kissed him, none of this would have happened. He cursed his lack of courage and his indecision when Taylor had needed a defense.
"I have always been a coward," he said aloud, frightening Isaac. "You know? Years ago, I should have accepted what he offered to me. If I had, we wouldn't be here now."
"You're not guilty, nor to blame for which happened years ago. It isn't healthy, and it's not true either."
Isaac got up of the couch and hugged Zac. He felt his youngest brother needed all the love that he was able to give him. In spite of the distance, he could stay close to his two brothers. Two years ago he had left for Washington trying to flee from a familiar atmosphere that oppressed him. His house was no longer what it used to be, or perhaps it never was what he thought. Their parents argued with Taylor over his choices, for his sexual tendencies, for the people he went out with. Little by little, the discussions extended to the rest of the family; Zac went to Los Angeles and he remained as the last bastion of sanity, but it didn't last long. Once his father recovered from the heart attack, Isaac had accepted a job with a music magazine in Washington, and he had packed his suitcases and went away.
His departure had forced Zac to grow up all of a sudden; it had forced him to hide his true identity from the world. Isaac had discovered a secret that Zac had kept bottled up inside for years, and perhaps that was the perfect moment for talking about it.
"Zac, do you remember the weekend Tay and I went to visit you in Los Angeles?"
"I remember that clearly," Zac smiled watching his oldest brother. "It was the best weekend of my life, the three of us wandering around and enjoying like in the old times."
"We arrived a little before you thought we did," Isaac confessed. "But we didn't say anything to you because... well..."
"Isaac?" Zac looked at him worried. He remembered perfectly what he has been doing up to ten minutes before meeting his brothers.
"You were kissing another boy."
Zac let go of the breath he had been holding and blushed violently. Part of his secret was in the open; his stay in Los Angeles had been useful to experiment far from his house and to get over all his frustrations. It had been the place of all his first times.
"Are you gay, Zac?" Isaac didn't sound displeased but only curious.
Los Angeles could have been the place to live all the sensations to the limit, but he had only felt complete when seeing those blue eyes waiting for him at his dorm door.
"Does the answer matter that much?" he answered with a sigh. "It's not going to change anything."
"It would change many things." Isaac gestured to Taylor. "If you really believe he can hear you, it would change much. Are you gay?"
"Yes."
"And are you in love?"
Los Angeles could have been his way of escaping, but he couldn't flee eternally from himself. He had tried to move away, but the distance had not helped him escape from his feelings.
"Right now, yes. With the same person, for so many years."
"I have listened to each word you were saying to him, Zac. And although I don't understand it nor share it, I believe that what you feel is the only thing that can make him wake up."
Isaac approached the door and opened it with a sad smile. When he left, Zac was too stunned to understand the reach of what Isaac had confessed to him.
We'll live our lives,
We'll take the punches every day.
We'll live our lives
I know we're gonna find our way
He heard voices on a distant spot, but he could not call them. He recognized his brothers, he felt them close but he could not touch them. Their arms didn't respond to his attempts to move them.
The words tapped in his mind, those sounds that had made him stop halfway through that tunnel without light at the end. Who had said that he would see a light? It was all dark when he arrived. But he had satrted to walk, moving away from the beginning of the tunnel, when he heard Zac's voice calling for him. Words hadn't had a meaning until a series of sounds said with a voice broken by tears.
"I had fallen for you. For my big brother, for the blond, blue-eyed boy who charms everyone with his smile."
He wanted to take his hand, to rock him and tell him everything was going to come out well, but he couldn't move. Perhaps he was further than he thought, he repeated to himself, and he came back arduously thorugh the tunnel until he reached its beginning. But there he couldn't touch Zac either. Desperate, he sat in the dark to wait, to try to calm Zac without saying a single word.
"I need to hear your voice."
He tried to speak but he couldn't articulate any word. He wanted to caress Zac's cheek and tell him how everything was going to come their way, but he didn't have voice. He wanted to cry and shout, he wanted to fight. He no longer had the desire to die, and suddenly the tunnel frightened him. But he couldn't find an exit. Without voice, powerless, was he condemned to hear his brother suffer without helping him?
"I love you, Taylor. Don't leave me now, when I'm able to accept it."
He had rebelled against his own incapacities. He had jumped in the tunnel, he had screamed without voice, and the light had broken through above his head. He thought he glimpsed some stairs that would take him to the exit, to Zac. He began to climb.
"I am not going to leave you, Zac," he thought. "I am not going to give up. I am coming."
He tripped, he took hold of himself, and he continued climbing. The stairs seemed endless to him. He tripped again, but he had an objective to fulfill. This time he was not going to fail.
"And are you in love?" Isaac asked from the distance.
"Right now, yes. With the same person, for so many years."
He was arriving, he could feel it. The light was brighter, and it dazzled him. Holding onto the stairs, he kept climbing. He was sure that this time everything was going to come out well. He was ready to fight for what he felt.
There was light in the tunnel, but not at the end but at the beginning. He was so close that he could almost feel Zac's breath on his face. He was so close...
He found his voice and the nerves of his arms responded to his desire to move. He reached Zac's hand with difficulty and caressed it almost imperceptibly. Hardly a quiet voice.
"Zac."
He was only aware of those chocolate eyes fixed on his while everything revolved around him.