Consequences
Hmm...
Good thing with my meds: I can breathe. When I take everything on a strict schedule I almost feel like myself again. I rode a couple miles on my bike with the boys to Noodles and Company and while my lungs felt tight, they worked the whole trip. Jet pedaled away on the back of the three-wheeler and complained about how heavy I was on the hills. But I did just fine. I gardened a couple of days ago and got the tomatoes out into the garden, and I should probably get the zucchini and other stuff out, too.
So those are good.
Interesting things about the meds. My body and brain seems to be taking the additional adrenaline and stuff as stressor signals. And, for most of my life, that's meant that a deadline is approaching that I Must Hit. I used to call it my Death March brain and it was infinitely useful when I really was on the last legs of a project. It's not quite so useful now, and it's a really, really, really hard habit for me to break. *sigh*
And, no, it does NOT help for me to think that my old, stress puppy life style combined with ridiculous amounts of caffeine and sugar might actually have allowed me to breath. Though, yes, that morning cup of coffee does help.
Admittedly... in the last three weeks, with the half chapter I'm working on now (~3100 words), with half the 18k I wrote with stark_black, the 1700 words I've posted this week, and the 5500 words I'm saving for June, I've gotten about 19k words in three weeks or so. Not great, but not terrible.
It isn't helping that I actually do have deadline approaching for the spring-kink prompts, for all that they're self-imposed (okay and mildly socially imposed) deadlines. So I am having trouble getting off task once I'm on a task, even if I think I'm sucking at the task. I'm also having a really terrible time sleeping for more than six hours, because my brain wakes up at six hours and Will Not Stop. No matter how much I try to relax and try to close my eyes in the morning. It also doesn't help that the 8pm dose of Advair seems to wake me up and it's hard for me to get to sleep at all, and that's aggravated by having interesting things to do after Jet's asleep.
And then, today, I was really stupid and forgot the morning set of pills completely, and I've been in Terminator Turtle (Can't Stop Can't GET Anywhere) mode all day and it's frustrating the heck out of me, because I'm far too used to my brain working and working really well.
I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I think this med set will work if I can cut the Advair off at night. I'm not having problems breathing at night, and I know that the inhalant is what's keeping me awake.
Balance. I need to figure out some balance somewhere. Cold turkey has worked in the past, as in when I went to Biloxi I just dropped everything and went, in a week or so, we're flying out to the Florida Keys for a week, and I'll pretty much drop everything. It'll be useful. Plus after this week Jet's on summer vacation so everything changes with that, too.
Good thing with my meds: I can breathe. When I take everything on a strict schedule I almost feel like myself again. I rode a couple miles on my bike with the boys to Noodles and Company and while my lungs felt tight, they worked the whole trip. Jet pedaled away on the back of the three-wheeler and complained about how heavy I was on the hills. But I did just fine. I gardened a couple of days ago and got the tomatoes out into the garden, and I should probably get the zucchini and other stuff out, too.
So those are good.
Interesting things about the meds. My body and brain seems to be taking the additional adrenaline and stuff as stressor signals. And, for most of my life, that's meant that a deadline is approaching that I Must Hit. I used to call it my Death March brain and it was infinitely useful when I really was on the last legs of a project. It's not quite so useful now, and it's a really, really, really hard habit for me to break. *sigh*
And, no, it does NOT help for me to think that my old, stress puppy life style combined with ridiculous amounts of caffeine and sugar might actually have allowed me to breath. Though, yes, that morning cup of coffee does help.
Admittedly... in the last three weeks, with the half chapter I'm working on now (~3100 words), with half the 18k I wrote with stark_black, the 1700 words I've posted this week, and the 5500 words I'm saving for June, I've gotten about 19k words in three weeks or so. Not great, but not terrible.
It isn't helping that I actually do have deadline approaching for the spring-kink prompts, for all that they're self-imposed (okay and mildly socially imposed) deadlines. So I am having trouble getting off task once I'm on a task, even if I think I'm sucking at the task. I'm also having a really terrible time sleeping for more than six hours, because my brain wakes up at six hours and Will Not Stop. No matter how much I try to relax and try to close my eyes in the morning. It also doesn't help that the 8pm dose of Advair seems to wake me up and it's hard for me to get to sleep at all, and that's aggravated by having interesting things to do after Jet's asleep.
And then, today, I was really stupid and forgot the morning set of pills completely, and I've been in Terminator Turtle (Can't Stop Can't GET Anywhere) mode all day and it's frustrating the heck out of me, because I'm far too used to my brain working and working really well.
I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I think this med set will work if I can cut the Advair off at night. I'm not having problems breathing at night, and I know that the inhalant is what's keeping me awake.
Balance. I need to figure out some balance somewhere. Cold turkey has worked in the past, as in when I went to Biloxi I just dropped everything and went, in a week or so, we're flying out to the Florida Keys for a week, and I'll pretty much drop everything. It'll be useful. Plus after this week Jet's on summer vacation so everything changes with that, too.