(no subject)
elissa say's shes coming back home.
ill be honest. im not sure how im supposed to feel. im ecstatic that she is...dont get me wrong. but im not sure what shes going through exactly. i wish i could be there for her, but its been an uphill battle for me from the start. i try my best to cope, to suck it up, and be there when she needs me. but its tough. damn its tough.
theres many times where im just so confused. i try to let her know she is beautiful. i try to let her know what she means to me. i use adjectives and verbage that no one has ever used, i say it the most simplistic way, i say it indirectly, i say it so blunt and honest. but it seems as though she doesnt hear it. it seems as though maybe im not "loud" enough?
i want her to know she makes me feel like im gliding through the sky, that she makes me feel empowered and strong. that i have a reason to live, that i have a future to gain. i want her to know i would protect her from any danger that would come her way.
but maybe im being too protective. is it my fault that ive got these inapt detective skills from reading so many comics and turning pages of wonderful fictional novels? should i keep my mouth shut and just let her lose things i feel she believes are so precious to her? people have told me, "yes joe...she needs to face her consequences by herself." well, how is that the case? how is that fair? i asked her to be by my side through thick and thin, we faced trials and tribulations together. why would i let her go through something like that by herself later down the line? how is that any type of relationship? if a simple friend was caught in a bad situation, isnt it my duty, as a friend, to try to wake up that person from the bad situation they have fallen into? understanding it is choice. they do what they want in the end. but is it over protective voice with reason, to try to harbor any type of affliction caused by certain people, places, and/or things?
those questions are rhetorical. i would do anything to make sure the people i care about are safe. it makes me who i am. its what bonds myself to the people who care about me. no matter how much it might hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable...i will be there if they fall. i will use my strength, my resources to pick them back up. this goes for the girl i am dating as well. because she is my best friend, she is my support...so i will be her support.
we all make mistakes right? im sure if anyone reads this, then they could go back in my history and tell that i am a firm believer on second chances. you make mistakes and you grow from them. you are not a "once a, always a" catagory. that doesnt exist. no one can state that actions taken at one point in life can define the human being. i refuse to let people asume that im a cheater, that im a drug addict, that im a failure. and ill be damned if people try to see me as any type of stereotype in the matter. this means that, i will not judge you, i will not judge my friends, and i will not judge her, because frankly, shes way fuckin smarter than me to be judged by!
so she says shes coming home. and i may be a little apprehensive, but my feelings for her have not changed. therefor, i am stimulated to voice how ultimately happy i am.
i just hope shes alright.
ill be honest. im not sure how im supposed to feel. im ecstatic that she is...dont get me wrong. but im not sure what shes going through exactly. i wish i could be there for her, but its been an uphill battle for me from the start. i try my best to cope, to suck it up, and be there when she needs me. but its tough. damn its tough.
theres many times where im just so confused. i try to let her know she is beautiful. i try to let her know what she means to me. i use adjectives and verbage that no one has ever used, i say it the most simplistic way, i say it indirectly, i say it so blunt and honest. but it seems as though she doesnt hear it. it seems as though maybe im not "loud" enough?
i want her to know she makes me feel like im gliding through the sky, that she makes me feel empowered and strong. that i have a reason to live, that i have a future to gain. i want her to know i would protect her from any danger that would come her way.
but maybe im being too protective. is it my fault that ive got these inapt detective skills from reading so many comics and turning pages of wonderful fictional novels? should i keep my mouth shut and just let her lose things i feel she believes are so precious to her? people have told me, "yes joe...she needs to face her consequences by herself." well, how is that the case? how is that fair? i asked her to be by my side through thick and thin, we faced trials and tribulations together. why would i let her go through something like that by herself later down the line? how is that any type of relationship? if a simple friend was caught in a bad situation, isnt it my duty, as a friend, to try to wake up that person from the bad situation they have fallen into? understanding it is choice. they do what they want in the end. but is it over protective voice with reason, to try to harbor any type of affliction caused by certain people, places, and/or things?
those questions are rhetorical. i would do anything to make sure the people i care about are safe. it makes me who i am. its what bonds myself to the people who care about me. no matter how much it might hurt me or make me feel uncomfortable...i will be there if they fall. i will use my strength, my resources to pick them back up. this goes for the girl i am dating as well. because she is my best friend, she is my support...so i will be her support.
we all make mistakes right? im sure if anyone reads this, then they could go back in my history and tell that i am a firm believer on second chances. you make mistakes and you grow from them. you are not a "once a, always a" catagory. that doesnt exist. no one can state that actions taken at one point in life can define the human being. i refuse to let people asume that im a cheater, that im a drug addict, that im a failure. and ill be damned if people try to see me as any type of stereotype in the matter. this means that, i will not judge you, i will not judge my friends, and i will not judge her, because frankly, shes way fuckin smarter than me to be judged by!
so she says shes coming home. and i may be a little apprehensive, but my feelings for her have not changed. therefor, i am stimulated to voice how ultimately happy i am.
i just hope shes alright.