Ive concluded..

[liquidsparkle]

That I need help. No physical help but psychological help. In the past three days/nights I have had to emotional breakdowns. One against my older sister and the second against my father. I have realized that I have a lot of anger and jealousy towards my sister that I cant help simply for the fact that daddy always treated or gave her better things. The one towards my dad is because just a mere hours ago he announced that he was engaged. In general I hate it when people lie, but I never thought that my own dad would lie or go back on a promise. He did. Back when he and mom divorced he promised that he would sit down and talk with my sister and I about getting remarried if the time came. The time came and he spoke to neither of us about it.

You might be like WTF is her deal or what not, hes just getting married...yes, that is true butI have felt like that the past 15 months I havent had a father. That I have survived my first year of college, hundreds of miles away, without my father. dealt with my first true wreck without my father. Basically I feel like I have grown up into a woman without the guidance of my father. And then all of a sudden he decides that he wants to disrupt the balance that we have. To have both of his daughters medication increased. For me to feel like I have no father. I've gone through far more things as horrible as one can imagine without any true words of comfort or anything from a parental figure. And I'm only 19.

I guess my vallum will be increased...whats news.