(no subject)
Chris and I broke up in April. Sometimes I'm not sure how it lasted this long. He is still a mess. I have called him twice, like a dumbass. He just keeps wanting me back. I don't know what to say except I think this is for the best. He seems to have forgotten how bad our relationship had gotten. I'm constantly wondering, if he gets better and happier like I want him to before I'd be with him again, maybe he's better off. I don't know if that made sense but whatever. I'm kind of enjoying being single. I occupy my time these days with mundane, pointless things sometimes. I go out and have fun when I can. I have a couple friends that keep me occupied. Then when I get reminded of him I can't get him out of my head for a long time. For lack of a better word, our love is a tragedy... with no where to go but down. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, and now I break his heart every day. And I sit here just trying to get by on my own. He and I are in two different worlds. I guess that's what keeps reassuring me that I shouldn't get back with him. But then there's always this voice in the back of my head telling me that if someone loves and cares about me and can't let go, maybe I shouldn't let something like that go. I do love him, so I wouldn't call it just settling. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm so confused about it. There's this world that we made that i loved. Then there's my world. My goals and life... which haven't taken off like I'd expected, but I'm confident it will happen soon.
I go back to school in the fall. Slowly but surely, I will have my associates degree. I went for a job interview at Summits Tavern today. I have another interview lined up for monday. I am out of money and need a job fast.
I'm too young to be spending every day wondering what I could be doing with my life if I weren't unhappy with Chris. I turn 20 on Sunday. I have a clean slate to build on, and I can only hope that I will take full advantage of it. I don't want to look back on my prime years and regret that I never did anything of worth. I'm so scared of growing up though. I hope this can be my turning point, because I don't have very many things I am proud of as of now. I think I can do better if I really try. It's just hard getting past that first point.
I go back to school in the fall. Slowly but surely, I will have my associates degree. I went for a job interview at Summits Tavern today. I have another interview lined up for monday. I am out of money and need a job fast.
I'm too young to be spending every day wondering what I could be doing with my life if I weren't unhappy with Chris. I turn 20 on Sunday. I have a clean slate to build on, and I can only hope that I will take full advantage of it. I don't want to look back on my prime years and regret that I never did anything of worth. I'm so scared of growing up though. I hope this can be my turning point, because I don't have very many things I am proud of as of now. I think I can do better if I really try. It's just hard getting past that first point.