What a Day
Heh today was the day of the infamous FCAT, what a joke, i was struggeling to keep my eyelids from caving into my eyes, they were so droopy, thanks partialy to the incredibly boring stories provided by the ridiculous test. Getting to school was interesting as i almosted missed the bus, freakin a new bus driver everyday so far for a whole 3 weeks thats is a long time and the pick up time is constantly changing. Though i did get to school i thought the day was starting out alright, played SPIT with my "kiddo" and lost, ofcourse, the morning was same as always, my life has grown into a boring pattern in the last month and hasn't felt like it normaly had acouple of month ago, used to have fun for Everything but it just feel like something is missing and i had an idea on what it was but... then this morning i was heading to 1st period and i my eyes saw somthing i didnt think i would see is well i just sure as hell didnt expect to see the thing i needed and well with someone she "needed". *Take deep breathes* ofcourse i played it cool and wouldnt make a fool of myself or be all bitchy but i really felt like crap inside, the bile in my stomach was slowly creeping it's way up to say hello but i managed to keep it down. It really was a match that i wouldn't picture in all my life. Then I managed to get the details from her and she probably had no idea what i was feeling during the conversation but she looked happy, and i guess i missed my chance...SHIT...i was hopping to ask her out cause she finally isn't grounded but now her weekends are full again. I got out of the idea quickly and now try to shut down the idea permanently cause it looks like they will be together for a while, shes happy with this guy... So i guess i have to deal and put the idea to rest, which took awhile last time and ended up popping up again, now, and it is making me all shitty inside. fuck... I need to find someone and i thought i did but apperenlty it might never work out cause this hasn't worked out twice, fuck, this shit sucks i haven't been troubling myself with temptation of human comfort but now it is creating a deeper crater in me and my interaction with people, this border that has been growing is starting to get in the way. finally some enjoyment came in 6th period when playing around with my ipod with my friend madonna, she has never seen one or held one, heh, she was so amused and kept listening to everything, sure we talked but it was just temporarly keeping my mind off of the real topic creeping its way into the focus of my thoughts. We all have problems and sometimes we blow them out of proportion but i really feel fucked by this whole thing. I really want to just give up on the idea but i see her everyday and we give each other funy looks in class and can talk to so easy. I realy have no idea how to end this cause no matter what i say it will end on a sad note. I want to cry but i'm so sad i can't, i just can't. Just dream on i guess.