some heartbreak
jim just left. and i feel empty. it was better when he was here. i guess that's something twisted when you want to be around someone who couldn't care less..i cried because i kept thinking about all of those times when he said he liked me. and that he'd told his friends or family about me. and he told me i was beautiful and smart. and cool and whatever. he made me feel like he really adored me. even delisle said "he totally adores you. i can tell by how he looks at you." which i could. i felt i could, anyway. i felt that he looked at me with these smiling eyes that mirrored his heart.
today he told me that he doesn't like-like me. he stopped awhile ago i guess. or it diminished in the last few months, yet he kept playing along. he gave me a ring, sure a ring that he got from rachel, but a sign of something. i wore it and he said he loved that i wore it because he gave it to me. thinking about these things, i can't believe how this has turned out. i cried in front of him because i came home from vacation to this break-up. i didnt even get a proper welcome. some lingerie and a "let's break up" speech. blindsided.
maybe it was an immature relationship, i thought that others' may have assumed. but to me it felt real and simple because it felt easy to get along. and special because it felt like a real connection. I wish that he was just scared. what is there to not like about me? why does it have to be that im just not enough. he said it wasn't me, just him. but thats what they all say.
he left in a weird hurry after he hugged me while i was crying, trying to soothe my pain or whatever. although he's the source. i dont think that works in a cyclical way. he's nice to try, but so emotionless about the whole situation. like sure its easy for him to say "its no big deal." maybe if i told you i was lying about liking you this whole time, maybe you would understand.
today he told me that he doesn't like-like me. he stopped awhile ago i guess. or it diminished in the last few months, yet he kept playing along. he gave me a ring, sure a ring that he got from rachel, but a sign of something. i wore it and he said he loved that i wore it because he gave it to me. thinking about these things, i can't believe how this has turned out. i cried in front of him because i came home from vacation to this break-up. i didnt even get a proper welcome. some lingerie and a "let's break up" speech. blindsided.
maybe it was an immature relationship, i thought that others' may have assumed. but to me it felt real and simple because it felt easy to get along. and special because it felt like a real connection. I wish that he was just scared. what is there to not like about me? why does it have to be that im just not enough. he said it wasn't me, just him. but thats what they all say.
he left in a weird hurry after he hugged me while i was crying, trying to soothe my pain or whatever. although he's the source. i dont think that works in a cyclical way. he's nice to try, but so emotionless about the whole situation. like sure its easy for him to say "its no big deal." maybe if i told you i was lying about liking you this whole time, maybe you would understand.