-sTiRReD eMoTiOnS-
Okay, it has seemed like i've just been really depressed and worried about everything here lately.. which i have been, cuz i thought for a second that MAYBE every guy wasn't the same.. but it's over now.. i mean.. i went through that stupid depression stage over guyz a long time ago... had to take that stupid anti-depressant LEXAPRO! and it sucked everything. every day i went through the same thing. eventually i ran out of tears. i don't like being so emotionally scarred and not strong in that perspective. it's like, every time i try to trust a guy, they let me down. i know i shouldn't let things like this get to me so easily.. but that's the thing... it's like, i KNOW it shouldn't.. but i can't do anything about it, so i just sit back and watch my heart turn into crumbled pile of NOTHING, when it once had the strength to love something.
i am such a hopeless romantic, and i want nothing more than to fall in love. but the pain that comes along with it.. just seems so unbearable. it's like.. sometimes i just wish i were one of those girls who took boys for a ride. ya know? like.. not do anything bad, but just never fully fall for them. but i'm glad i'm not.. i like who i am.. i just don't like being hurt.. i know that's something that No one likes.. so i'm not saying no one understands.. i don't like it when ppl say that no one understands. because they don't know what others have to go through. but i also don't like it when ppl say they Do understand, when they haven't been through anything like what you're having to go through.
i'm not looking for a sERiOuS relationship, that'll happen when it happens. i just want someone to hold my hand and someone to be able to hug. you know the feeling when you Really like somebody, and when you see em, ur heart starts to skip and beat real hard? lol.. someone to tell all ur secrets too.. yeah well.. it sounds ghey, so i'll just shut up.
today i got an e-mail from norman.. he told me to go out with someone else. it just really confuses me. i don't understand why he tells me he likes me a lot, holds my hand, and everything... and then.. pushes me away like i was just something for the moment. i'm not saying that he didn't care. cuz i think that maybe he did. but just since i haven't talked to him about anything and what he's saying to me, makes me feel like i WAS just something while i was up there, cuz he knew i'd be leaving soon and i wouldn't matter anymore. yeah well.. i did fall for him.. quite a bit. i actually liked him More than... lets just say i liked him a lot. i just wish i could talk to him and get everything straightened out. i don't like stubborn boys who won't talk about things like that.
well.. i'm finna go to the sXe! (an old shed that me and april are fixing up for a hang out! it's gonna be WICKED)
i am such a hopeless romantic, and i want nothing more than to fall in love. but the pain that comes along with it.. just seems so unbearable. it's like.. sometimes i just wish i were one of those girls who took boys for a ride. ya know? like.. not do anything bad, but just never fully fall for them. but i'm glad i'm not.. i like who i am.. i just don't like being hurt.. i know that's something that No one likes.. so i'm not saying no one understands.. i don't like it when ppl say that no one understands. because they don't know what others have to go through. but i also don't like it when ppl say they Do understand, when they haven't been through anything like what you're having to go through.
i'm not looking for a sERiOuS relationship, that'll happen when it happens. i just want someone to hold my hand and someone to be able to hug. you know the feeling when you Really like somebody, and when you see em, ur heart starts to skip and beat real hard? lol.. someone to tell all ur secrets too.. yeah well.. it sounds ghey, so i'll just shut up.
today i got an e-mail from norman.. he told me to go out with someone else. it just really confuses me. i don't understand why he tells me he likes me a lot, holds my hand, and everything... and then.. pushes me away like i was just something for the moment. i'm not saying that he didn't care. cuz i think that maybe he did. but just since i haven't talked to him about anything and what he's saying to me, makes me feel like i WAS just something while i was up there, cuz he knew i'd be leaving soon and i wouldn't matter anymore. yeah well.. i did fall for him.. quite a bit. i actually liked him More than... lets just say i liked him a lot. i just wish i could talk to him and get everything straightened out. i don't like stubborn boys who won't talk about things like that.
well.. i'm finna go to the sXe! (an old shed that me and april are fixing up for a hang out! it's gonna be WICKED)