(no subject)
I've been seeing the phrase "personal responsibility" thrown around a lot in the past few days, and occasionally I've had to tilt my head at the computer screen and quote The Princess Bride. Because I do not think it means what they think it means.
In my language "personal responsibility" means owning up to when you've screwed up. Like, say, you've hurt someone and you apologize, straight up, whether hurting that person was your intent in the first place or not. It means owning up to your mistakes. What it absolutely doesn't mean is blaming yourself for actions by other people over which you had no control, it doesn't mean claiming fault when you're the one who has been victimized or hurt.
You know, once, a long time ago, I took responsibility for actions that were not my fault, actions that were both done by someone else behind my back and the way that person manipulated me into doing what she wanted me to do. She used my common decency against me and in the end I was the one who had to call the authority figure and own up to the actions, I was the one who, afterwards, cried and felt like a horrible person, while she walked away with a smile and a clear conscience. And it took me a long time to realize that I had done nothing wrong, anything that happened wasn't my fault.
Part of personal responsibility involves being responsible to ourselves. We have a duty to ourselves to take care of our own wellbeing and to not feel guilty for being victims or victimized.
I will never cease to be amazed at how uncommon common sense actually is. That and basic human decency. Bleh, my brain is all snarly lately, especially since Mother's Day (aka in Mormon singles' wards "Indoctrination Day"). Oh, and my little brother knows better than me about what I do and do not have the capacity to do. So I've kind of wanted to kick the Patriarchy in the balls all week, jsyk.
comments at http://liptonrm.dreamwidth.org/8163.html.
In my language "personal responsibility" means owning up to when you've screwed up. Like, say, you've hurt someone and you apologize, straight up, whether hurting that person was your intent in the first place or not. It means owning up to your mistakes. What it absolutely doesn't mean is blaming yourself for actions by other people over which you had no control, it doesn't mean claiming fault when you're the one who has been victimized or hurt.
You know, once, a long time ago, I took responsibility for actions that were not my fault, actions that were both done by someone else behind my back and the way that person manipulated me into doing what she wanted me to do. She used my common decency against me and in the end I was the one who had to call the authority figure and own up to the actions, I was the one who, afterwards, cried and felt like a horrible person, while she walked away with a smile and a clear conscience. And it took me a long time to realize that I had done nothing wrong, anything that happened wasn't my fault.
Part of personal responsibility involves being responsible to ourselves. We have a duty to ourselves to take care of our own wellbeing and to not feel guilty for being victims or victimized.
I will never cease to be amazed at how uncommon common sense actually is. That and basic human decency. Bleh, my brain is all snarly lately, especially since Mother's Day (aka in Mormon singles' wards "Indoctrination Day"). Oh, and my little brother knows better than me about what I do and do not have the capacity to do. So I've kind of wanted to kick the Patriarchy in the balls all week, jsyk.
comments at http://liptonrm.dreamwidth.org/8163.html.