(no subject)
So, I've been thinking some more about SPN 5x14 and I may have a few actual thoughts about it, not just OMG HAO SO AWSUM?! (thought it totally still is).
Firstly, I am very much of the opinion that Jimmy Novak is completely dead and has gone on to his reward. In other words, I think that Castiel is alone in that new body of his, but that since it was patterned on Jimmy's old body it still has some of those good old cravings hardwired into it. And now that Castiel isn't quite as super-angelic as he used to be, those cravings can be called to the surface and exagerrated/exacerbated by something like Famine. Though, as in all things, YMMV and I can certainly see the argument from the other side. I'm just really pretty sure that Show didn't intend to say that Jimmy was still around. Or maybe it did and I'm totally reading it all wrong. Either way is pretty friggin' possible. ;-)
Now, onward to the bulk of my thoughts, and, well, fair-warning, but this might get a little tl;dr. You all know that I have a tendency to empathize/identify a little too much with Dean's manpain. So I'll try to stay as objective as possible, but emotions are difficult, yo.
I think that Dean was effected by Famine, even with all of the platitudes to the contrary and anvils falling speeches about how he's dead in side. Because that deep, black pit that opens up inside of your chest feeds on itself, it eats everything in its path until it's all you know, all you can feel. It has its own kind of hunger which seems like the antipathy to all of the other kinds of hungers we know, but hunger it still is. Except feeding it only makes you feel more hollow not less.
Throughout the episode Dean showed pretty obvious signs that something was eating at him, his lack of desire for food and sex and booze were surefire signs of that. He didn't crave any of those things because when depression grips you tight it's both all you want and all you can feel, and it makes you want to wallow in it, even though it's the worst thing you've ever felt. I find, in my own untreated life, that I pass through a number of cycles, going from normally happy and invested in life to the deepest, darkest pit and back out again. And it's amazing how well you can function even when you feel dead inside, how easy it is to go through the motions even when all you want to do is to just lay down and stop, stop pushing, stop trying, stop carrying everything around, just stop. But you keep on going because that's all you know how to do.
I can't begin to number the nights that I've spent, crying and screaming in my head to a God who seems universes away, begging for help or a sign or something, anything, to make things better. And then the next morning I wake up feeling like I can take that next step forward, which might be the help I was looking for or might not, but keep moving I do.
So, yeap, Famine had Dean in its jaws, the same way it had Sam and Castiel. It's just that, on a fundamental level, Dean doesn't have the same kinds of hungers. He just has the one, that would eat him alive if it could.
And, yeah, I'm going to stop there. Because that spot in my head doesn't need to be poked any more. Thank goodness for the levity and cannibalism in last week's episode, is all I'm saying. mmmmm tasty, tasty cannibalism.
All of which reminds me, I'm totally taking a break on The Wire. I'm mid-way through season four and I just can't handle how bleak everything is. It's a testament to how supremely well-crafted the show is that I need to step away for the sake of my own, beleaguered, mental well-being. I'm sure I'll finish it, eventually, just as soon as I can handle realizing that everything is broken and there's just no point in trying to fix it.
So, ummmm, yeah, I'm streaming The Tudors at Netflix right now. A good, soapy, historical drama is just what the doctor ordered. Good times.
Firstly, I am very much of the opinion that Jimmy Novak is completely dead and has gone on to his reward. In other words, I think that Castiel is alone in that new body of his, but that since it was patterned on Jimmy's old body it still has some of those good old cravings hardwired into it. And now that Castiel isn't quite as super-angelic as he used to be, those cravings can be called to the surface and exagerrated/exacerbated by something like Famine. Though, as in all things, YMMV and I can certainly see the argument from the other side. I'm just really pretty sure that Show didn't intend to say that Jimmy was still around. Or maybe it did and I'm totally reading it all wrong. Either way is pretty friggin' possible. ;-)
Now, onward to the bulk of my thoughts, and, well, fair-warning, but this might get a little tl;dr. You all know that I have a tendency to empathize/identify a little too much with Dean's manpain. So I'll try to stay as objective as possible, but emotions are difficult, yo.
I think that Dean was effected by Famine, even with all of the platitudes to the contrary and anvils falling speeches about how he's dead in side. Because that deep, black pit that opens up inside of your chest feeds on itself, it eats everything in its path until it's all you know, all you can feel. It has its own kind of hunger which seems like the antipathy to all of the other kinds of hungers we know, but hunger it still is. Except feeding it only makes you feel more hollow not less.
Throughout the episode Dean showed pretty obvious signs that something was eating at him, his lack of desire for food and sex and booze were surefire signs of that. He didn't crave any of those things because when depression grips you tight it's both all you want and all you can feel, and it makes you want to wallow in it, even though it's the worst thing you've ever felt. I find, in my own untreated life, that I pass through a number of cycles, going from normally happy and invested in life to the deepest, darkest pit and back out again. And it's amazing how well you can function even when you feel dead inside, how easy it is to go through the motions even when all you want to do is to just lay down and stop, stop pushing, stop trying, stop carrying everything around, just stop. But you keep on going because that's all you know how to do.
I can't begin to number the nights that I've spent, crying and screaming in my head to a God who seems universes away, begging for help or a sign or something, anything, to make things better. And then the next morning I wake up feeling like I can take that next step forward, which might be the help I was looking for or might not, but keep moving I do.
So, yeap, Famine had Dean in its jaws, the same way it had Sam and Castiel. It's just that, on a fundamental level, Dean doesn't have the same kinds of hungers. He just has the one, that would eat him alive if it could.
And, yeah, I'm going to stop there. Because that spot in my head doesn't need to be poked any more. Thank goodness for the levity and cannibalism in last week's episode, is all I'm saying. mmmmm tasty, tasty cannibalism.
All of which reminds me, I'm totally taking a break on The Wire. I'm mid-way through season four and I just can't handle how bleak everything is. It's a testament to how supremely well-crafted the show is that I need to step away for the sake of my own, beleaguered, mental well-being. I'm sure I'll finish it, eventually, just as soon as I can handle realizing that everything is broken and there's just no point in trying to fix it.
So, ummmm, yeah, I'm streaming The Tudors at Netflix right now. A good, soapy, historical drama is just what the doctor ordered. Good times.