001 [video] aboard the City Express car #12

[lipstickninja]

[ A boygirl rests her head on her arms, sleeping. A jolt from the train wakes her and she rubs her eyes in a daze. ]

Subaru... are we there ye--?

[ She furrows her brows in confusion for a moment before checking her own pulse. No surprises there. Exhales. She turns to the window to watch the world zoom past, smiling slightly to herself. ]This

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[slighted_stains]

[it's not that he's staring at her from the compartment door, biting into the back of his right hand to keep from sobbing, or shouting; it's that he has been for long minutes, too afraid not to make noise and wake her - but to produce it and find that she sleeps on, dead to the world, and to him. ]

We're...

[it doesn't occur to him to remove the palm]

Not... there yet.

[lipstickninja]

Oh, hello!

[ She smiles brightly at him, waving slightly. So much for being asleep just a moment before, Hokuto speaks at a clip, spouting a thousand words per minute. ]

I almost didn't notice you there. You weren't staring at a sleeping girl, were you? Didn't your mother tell you not to~?

But never mind that~ are you--

[ a flicker of recognition crosses her eyes. But she shakes her head and shrugs it off. ]

For a moment there you reminded me of someone.

[slighted_stains]

[stunned, really. Maybe he'd cry, if even that didn't take too much thinking.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[rubs his eyes frantically, almost trying to dismiss the vision. Wake himself up. Something. Anything.]

Sorry. For troubling you. I'm so very sorry. I'm so -

[rambling. He'll scare her. He'll scare her, then it's all over.]

May I take the seat beside you?

[lipstickninja]

[ Her smile wanes as she watches him intently. He seemed like a chimera of the two most important people in her life. What is this? ]

Stop apologizing.

[ Patting the space beside her, she smiles hesitantly. He was a grown man but somehow she was scared of breaking him. ]

Come keep me company.

[slighted_stains]

[falls into his seat, settling mostly on its edge, leaning forward to cup his face and - and, all right. All right -- breathe.]

You were - you're so young.

[sixteen-on-seventeen, and he'd killed her without constraint. He'd never thought of it like that: she was almost a child, and she'd played the game, and she'd lost.]

So young. And...

[the worn smile edges through: this is his sister.]

And very beautiful.

[lipstickninja]

[ Bright green eyes stare at him resolutely, watching every twitch of his face. Such worn eyes and that emptiness hanging over him. Leaning forward, tentatively, she draws him into her arms. ]

It's alright. I'm here now.

[ She blinks back the tears, bites down on her lip. ]

You were always-- the most beautiful.

[ A thousand and one questions but none of them seems pertinent now. She wants to try his name on her lips again, but it might heal or hurt him. ]

Subaru.

[slighted_stains]

[latches on to her tightly at first - tighter - loosens his hold for fear for her smaller frame - then coming back to the same strong grasp, inevitably. Don't let go.]

Hokuto.

[Breathes her air in - that perfume. The particulars of their situation hit him long moments after, from crucial to trivia. He starts fumbling.]

You'll... you'll get cold. Let me --- my coat, let me...

[lipstickninja]

[ He is just like Subaru in many ways, yet so different. Hesitant, shy, considerate. She supposes it is because of age, but no, time doesn't turn you so lonely so fast. ]

Glad to see you still know my name.

[ Then realizes it might have been ill-timed. He remembers people like wounds, always there, always aching. She catches his hand --no gloves-- holding it with both hands. ]

Don't. You know I don't need it anymore.

[ Hard truths, but he should know this already. ]

[slighted_stains]

[his fingers knot with hers. Ah. Not cold? ...a difficulty, but he should have realized someone from their family would assume they'd return as a spirit, courtesy of the clan's gift.]

You're not an onryou. Trust me. I'd... I'd know.

[nods once - ]

You have a body.

[ - and again. ]

You'll catch a cold. And I don't know how to look after that.

[lipstickninja]

[ She isn't thinking that far-- She has always found it difficult to remember those things that grandmother tried to teach them: the rules, the spells, the different names, the positions. Maybe she didn't care. ]

I don't catch colds.

[ A true statement. She looks into his one green eye, searching, searching. ]

How did you look after your own colds? --and fevers?

[ She drops her gaze, rubbing her thumb over his fingers. ]

I forgot to label the medicines-- I made the other preparations but that just slipped my mind. I hope grandmother helped.

[slighted_stains]

[green searching green searching golden. The things she'd left him... she had done everything so scrupulously, taken care of each matter with so much distinction, that he almost wanted to accuse her of cold blood. Selfishness. Maybe, if she were someone else. But she's his sister.]

Grandmother... is well. She honours your memory - you fondly.

[lowers his head, pressing his forehead against their joined fingers.]

Tell me you'll stay. Both of you... what do you need - what do you want me to do for you? I'll do it.

[lipstickninja]

[ Those gestures were meant to show him that she didn't leave out of abandon. She wanted to show him the ropes so he can pick up the threads and continue on --live on, for the both of them. Messages are lost in translation. ]

Subaru.

[ She lowers her voice. A stone in her throat. ]

I did it so you could live for yourself, for once. Don't-- don't do it for anyone else.

[slighted_stains]

I won't... Hokuto-chan.

[because he owns his death to one person, and he can't claim; raises his head, relaxing in half a smile, before frowning in concentration - tsk. ]

I'm afraid you'll have to stay with me today. This world is -- difficult. But today of all times, I believe we have a case I'm in no position to refuse.

[lipstickninja]

[ She knits her eyebrows. He speaks like a child in a grown man's shoes. Shiny surfaces and a stumbling confused mess within. ]

Work, work, work.

[ Smiling kindly at him, worry still etched on her face. She doesn't understand that abyss behind his eye. She chews on her lip, then breathes-- ]

Are you happy? Sad? Are you angry?

You can be mad at me if you want --shout at me. I would-- I want to know how you feel.

[slighted_stains]

[blinks stupidly in confusion for all of a moment. How he... feels? ]

No - Hokuto-chan, no. I don't want to raise my voice at you. I don't know how -- I don't know how to thank you. For being here. For coming back. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[somewhere between a choked sob and a sigh. The only two people he never wants to upset.]

Are you mad?

[because, unlike her, he never could tell.]

Happy?

[lipstickninja]

--I'm mad. You haven't been taking care of yourself.

[ Honestly, brother, it feels like talking to a robot, a replica of someone you love. If it were anyone else, they would have earned a slap on the face but Subaru-- he's so frail, breakable, perhaps broken. She lets herself cry, clutching at his shirt, knuckles turning white. ]

I've made you unhappy. It wasn't what I-- I wanted the two of you to live. I wanted you to come back because we all needed you so much--

[ a ragged breath because right now she must be confusing him. ]

I left you alone and left you broken. I'm sorry.