(no subject)
i am so scattered and uncertain and i don't know what to do with myself/life at all.
i think i need to take a really big risk... and hold to it. i think it mighhhht..could be, be whats best. i really wish i was certain though..
we'll see how it goes i guess.
as of now i'm thinking i will be even more so of an introvert (i've been one of those lately)
i feel like being depressed is consuming me whole and trying to keep busy and occupied by doing anything to get away and act happy all the time is also driving me crazy so i am just this shell of fake emotion surrounded by fake friends (if you can read this im most likely not talking about you) and it sucks.
i wish i knew the roots to this or how to just block it out without exploding..
i wish i were able to place everything together perfectly and understand it and figure out whats actually wrong here... i wish i were able to articulate exactly whats going on but i can't.
but whatever
i will live and learn
if this be the biggest mistake of my life. i deserve it and i'll learn from it.. hopefully.
i really wish i could allow myself to trust people.. or at least one person, the person closest to me really doesn't really know much about me at all.. and doesn't really have my trust very much at all either. i don't understand why i'm so unable to open up... and so fearful of everything one could be fearful of.. what is my problem?
anyway
work soon
bed now
bye
i think i need to take a really big risk... and hold to it. i think it mighhhht..could be, be whats best. i really wish i was certain though..
we'll see how it goes i guess.
as of now i'm thinking i will be even more so of an introvert (i've been one of those lately)
i feel like being depressed is consuming me whole and trying to keep busy and occupied by doing anything to get away and act happy all the time is also driving me crazy so i am just this shell of fake emotion surrounded by fake friends (if you can read this im most likely not talking about you) and it sucks.
i wish i knew the roots to this or how to just block it out without exploding..
i wish i were able to place everything together perfectly and understand it and figure out whats actually wrong here... i wish i were able to articulate exactly whats going on but i can't.
but whatever
i will live and learn
if this be the biggest mistake of my life. i deserve it and i'll learn from it.. hopefully.
i really wish i could allow myself to trust people.. or at least one person, the person closest to me really doesn't really know much about me at all.. and doesn't really have my trust very much at all either. i don't understand why i'm so unable to open up... and so fearful of everything one could be fearful of.. what is my problem?
anyway
work soon
bed now
bye