WARNING: Triggering
I have not self-injured in 3 weeks, working on four. I've gone without longer than that, but right now it's like... one day at a time, one day at a time. I'm taking a rest at my Maw-maw and Pampa's house while Pampa is at my home, just giving myself a break in peaceful farm quiet. I have limited internet access though, considering only my uncle who lives across the farm has the internet(so he can pick up girls on dating sites oO;;). Anyway, I've been addicted to a Dresden Dolls song, considering it has fit me quite a bit.
Bad Habit
biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...
and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy
& pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum
and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy
and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, i'd kick the bucket
sixty times before i'd kick the habit
and as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit
there's not a chance in hell i'd stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank you for your pity, you are too kind
and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?
and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they dont know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating
i'm tried bandages and sinking
i've tried gloves and even thinking
i've tried vaseline
i've tried everything
and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading
makes me want to give myself a beating....
But anyway, today I've been okay. I'm just horny as hell though. oO;; My cousin's getting laid, even my redneck uncle's getting laid... it seems the only pretty one here is not being touched! Except for by herself. >.>;; And even if I were the type to stray and bang random people while being with someone else... that would be impossible in this small town. I think I'm practically related to everybody. It'd be like, "Hey, wanna come back to my place?" "Sure... what'd you say your name was, again?" "*blah-blah-so-and-so*" "... You know.... change of um... libido. The fact that we're related has killed it."
I need to call Randy and see what that boy is up to. Alas, my sketchbook is at home and not here, three hours away.
Amusing news from the home front... my darling, sweet boy, the Mad Hatter, informed someone who was bothering me online that I had commited suicide by slitting my wrists. Of course I can believe the dear would have told this person such information, this boy of mine is quite sadistic in those ways, but I was still in shock! >o.o<;; Normally, I am not cool with fake suicide mentionings online. :P Anyone from @tforumz... DREAM CATCHERS, ANYONE?! But there's nothing I can do but clearly state I am alive and well. :P
This reminds me of the time I came home from my Maw-maw and Pampa's house to find that John was pissed off at me because Cordelia told him we were fooling around behind his back and I never intended to tell him. Ah, memories.
Bad Habit
biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...
and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy
& pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum
and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy
and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, i'd kick the bucket
sixty times before i'd kick the habit
and as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit
there's not a chance in hell i'd stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank you for your pity, you are too kind
and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?
and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they dont know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating
i'm tried bandages and sinking
i've tried gloves and even thinking
i've tried vaseline
i've tried everything
and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading
makes me want to give myself a beating....
But anyway, today I've been okay. I'm just horny as hell though. oO;; My cousin's getting laid, even my redneck uncle's getting laid... it seems the only pretty one here is not being touched! Except for by herself. >.>;; And even if I were the type to stray and bang random people while being with someone else... that would be impossible in this small town. I think I'm practically related to everybody. It'd be like, "Hey, wanna come back to my place?" "Sure... what'd you say your name was, again?" "*blah-blah-so-and-so*" "... You know.... change of um... libido. The fact that we're related has killed it."
I need to call Randy and see what that boy is up to. Alas, my sketchbook is at home and not here, three hours away.
Amusing news from the home front... my darling, sweet boy, the Mad Hatter, informed someone who was bothering me online that I had commited suicide by slitting my wrists. Of course I can believe the dear would have told this person such information, this boy of mine is quite sadistic in those ways, but I was still in shock! >o.o<;; Normally, I am not cool with fake suicide mentionings online. :P Anyone from @tforumz... DREAM CATCHERS, ANYONE?! But there's nothing I can do but clearly state I am alive and well. :P
This reminds me of the time I came home from my Maw-maw and Pampa's house to find that John was pissed off at me because Cordelia told him we were fooling around behind his back and I never intended to tell him. Ah, memories.