update.
I've been home for about a week. I think I've reached my breaking point, i would like very much to be back at school with my people. I think that coming home makes you realize how perfect my friends really are, not perfect as people because no one is, but perfect for me. Everyone encompasses something that I need very much in my life, i hope i do that for them as well. The people that I have left outside of school, few and far between, but I'm glad for them as well. Some people you just never really get rid of, I guess.
My grandmother fell the other day and she broke her hip. She is 87 years old and severly diabetic. I've been there every day to see her and see family members i haven't seen in a very very long time. Everyone just says i look different from the last time they saw me, thank God for that. Seeing her in the hospital is so sad. She really can't remember much, she asks the same questions over and over again, and she is so miserable and in so much pain. I think she really just wants to be dead. She told me that, actually, that isn't just an assumption. She says she's been ready for a very long time. I'm not ready though, not at all.
I feel like everyone is getting married. Ok, not everyone, but I feel like I'm behind and I'm supposed to have already met that person, which scares me because I can't imagine that I have. I'm not so against settling down as everyone thinks, i'm against settling. I only have one year left of college, what happens if i don't meet that person at school? Am i doomed? Maybe i already am doomed and I'm supposed to be alone. Well at least I can keep myself entertained.
I can't sleep since I've been home, my anxiety is getting out of control. I thought this week would be relaxing. Not so much.
My grandmother fell the other day and she broke her hip. She is 87 years old and severly diabetic. I've been there every day to see her and see family members i haven't seen in a very very long time. Everyone just says i look different from the last time they saw me, thank God for that. Seeing her in the hospital is so sad. She really can't remember much, she asks the same questions over and over again, and she is so miserable and in so much pain. I think she really just wants to be dead. She told me that, actually, that isn't just an assumption. She says she's been ready for a very long time. I'm not ready though, not at all.
I feel like everyone is getting married. Ok, not everyone, but I feel like I'm behind and I'm supposed to have already met that person, which scares me because I can't imagine that I have. I'm not so against settling down as everyone thinks, i'm against settling. I only have one year left of college, what happens if i don't meet that person at school? Am i doomed? Maybe i already am doomed and I'm supposed to be alone. Well at least I can keep myself entertained.
I can't sleep since I've been home, my anxiety is getting out of control. I thought this week would be relaxing. Not so much.