(no subject)
I did something unexpected. I dropped out of grad school after one month. Two reasons prompted this decision:
1) I was exhausted ALL THE TIME. I couldn't even stay up past 10:30 to read the assigned chapters. It effected me the most at work. Some days I wanted to collapse on my keyboard, and I kept finding myself making retarded mistakes. I never let on to anyone in my life just how tired I was. Maybe I felt like I had to prove myself. Not only that, but the rest of my life was so unorganized.
2) The financial burden of adding $25k to my existing student loan balance was depressing. The exhaustion and lack of free time wasn't worth it. Not only that, but my life would be on hold for at least another five years after school and the licensure period... with a student loan balance doubled. I knew this would be the case, but seeing it on paper just made me think to myself, "I just don't think so."
It felt so free! I felt like I had my life back - time for arts & crafts, spontaneous friend time, and just whatever else I wanted to do. I was ready to finally get a bigger place, possibly even looking toward buying a house. All I could think about was having an arts & crafts room, my own yard, a kitty! And then the biggest blow of all today. I only get a 25% refund on the semester. I've already made up my mind about quitting, and I even sold my textbooks back. I was horrified. I thought I was doing the smart thing and then this. I started to let myself cry on the way home, but I couldn't because I still had errands to run. Shot are my plans for a bigger place for awhile. I had to go pick up my MacBook from the Apple Store for servicing and I told her, "looks like it's just us, in our little tiny apartment." Then I came home and fell back on substance abuse - brownies.