Quotes
"It's a shame. We'd make a lovely couple. We're both... tall."
"That looks like Dominic Monaghan!"
"Some asshole told me that if you believe in something you have to be willing to sacrifice everything."
"Sometimes it all still feels like a mass of dots. But more and more these days, I feel like we're all connected. And it's beautiful... and funny... and good."
"You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpeting down from heaven. What if this is it instead? Me telling you I love you, right here in the snow? I think that is pretty miraculous."
"I'm a New Yorker. Fear's my life."
"Look, I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in so they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl and get married."
"Do anything, say anything, fuck anything. No excuses, no apologies, no regrets."
"Oh, we can meditate! That sounds like fun."
"It's not lying if they make you lie... if the only truth they can accept is their own."
"I'm half Italian and half drag queen. I'm allowed to get worked up!"
"I think you're a selfish, heartless asshole... keep up the good work!"
"It's a difficult question to answer given the limitations of the language, the conventionality of most people's thinking. Let's just say he's the guy I fuck more then once."
"Once you sell your soul to the devil, he holds the copyright."
"You gonna sit with me or just whistle?"
"Would it have helped if I'd said a 'Pyro'?"
"Yeah, actually, it would. Or if you called him 'that cute one that fancied Bobby.'"
"Subtext, much?"
"Oh, please. So. Doing. It."
"Well, I'd like to order one boyfriend pie then, please."
"What can I do?"
"Set the midget free?"
"My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it's not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening."
"Let's look at this objectively. Figure it out in a cold, impersonal, CSI-like manner. 'Cause we're a couple of carpet fibers away from a case."
"You would wait that long for sex? You don't even wait that long for coffee."
"That's because I've never been challenged to wait that long for coffee."
"Because I happen to love you, you stupid, stupid little man and I am not letting you ditch me like some heartsick teen."
"What, I'm not supposed to have feelings?"
"Oh, you are. I just don't see how anyone could get over me."
"So how's your first major trauma going?"
"Pretty cool, actually. I've never almost died before."
"Enjoy your grieving period!"
"Hi, name?"
"Name? I-I have a name."
"Yeah, most people do."
"If you marry a psychotic lowli- What am I saying? It would be lost on you."
"And why would I marry a psychotic lowlife when I have you? A psychotic highlife?"
"Only because you can't have sex with a guitar."
"True."
"Although you've probably tried."
"Well..."
"Because it's what's right! Because that way even when- if- I lose, I'll know that I tried to prevent it. That's better than nothing!"
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love."
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own!"
"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
"Remind me to buy him a fruit basket or something if we get out alive."
"Want me to hit you?"
"That's not on the list,"
"It's a free gift."
"If it's a gift, then I'll return it,"
"They'll think it was burglars,"
"Burglars who broke in and redecorated?"
"Gay burglars,"
"All the Dark Lord would have to do is poke you with a toothpick and you'd go absolutely barking."
"It is not yet time for your daily spanking."
"Nice summer place, Malfoy. Where'd you spend Christmas? Mordor?"
"Disney World, actually, but the resemblance is stronger than you might think."
"Voldemort's trousers would never fit us."
"Why not a Malfoy? We're extremely personable, you know. And then there's the sex-appeal..."
"Oddly, her biography here doesn't say anything about sex-appeal."
"They probably called it something different back then."
"Like what? Ye Olde Sex Appeal?"
"Some women get excited about earrings, others get excited about grand-scale larceny."
"Never never never?' That's right, Finnigan. Because if you say it three times, that'll make it true."
"I'm not sleeping with Hermione either. Is that newsworthy?"
"Love. It's not some holy, exalted thing, you know. It's about appetite and wanting and need and all those other things that make people do ugly things to each other. There's no betrayal without love, no loss without it, no jealousy. Half the ugliness in this world comes from it. It cuts and burns and makes wounds that don't ever heal. Give me hatred any day. Now there's an emotion I can get behind. You always know where you stand with it."
"You call that a bit mopey? I suppose you'd say that the inhabitants of Pompeii were a bit surprised when the top blew off their local hill and buried them all in ash? Or that the crew of the Titanic was a bit annoyed about hitting that iceberg? Or that -"
"When your mother was your age, she was ruling her planet."
"Well, I bet her voice wasn't breaking at the time."
"Son, what does that shirt say?"
"It says 'You think you've got problems? My father is a Sith Lord!'"
"You know what it said? After he held me up with all his lecturing, he had the nerve to write on the note 'Luke is late this morning because he forgot how to dress himself'."
"Now, let's revise. What would you say when introducing yourself to an important adult at a social gathering?"
"I'd say … 'Hello, I'm Luke Skywalker' … and then I'd point you out, and say 'that's my Dad'."
"If this were prison, you'd be like, my bitch."
"I am not your bitch, it's not like I have 'Bianca's Bitch' tattooed on my ass."
"C'mon, Wyatt, Apparently I'm a bad boy and need to be punished."
"What does that make Wyatt?"
"Darth Vadar."
"Oh god."
"Although I'm not sure who that makes me,"
"Luke, obviously."
"Are we *cuddling?*"
"You're warm, it's exchanging body heat, not cuddling."
"You have got to be kidding me, I scry for evil and end up fighting a
girl with a bad boob job."
"Yeah? Well, run along and play with you're toys, kid, I'm busy."
"Get over yourself, junior."
"What can I say, the ego's hereditary."
"Dude. You fugly."
"God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work."
"Just try to relax."
"Just try to shut up."
"Let me know if you start seeing dead people, Haley Joel."
"Who's the hottest psychic, Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewett or You?"
"Boy you put your foot on my coffee table and I'm gonna wack you with a spoon."
"Your alarms are about as useful as boobs on a man."
"Why don't you give her one of those strip-o-grams that you do."
"Bite me."
"Oh no, bite her. But don't leave any teeth marks or nothing."
"When I told dad that I was afraid of the thing in the closet, he gave me a 45!"
"Remember, WWBD? What Would Buffy Do?"
"Fake marshal. Fake credit cards. Is there anything about you that's real?"
"My boobs."
"Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole."
"Where's our father Meg?"
"You didn't ask very nicely."
"Where's our father Bitch!"
"You see that? That attitude there? That's why I always got the extra cookie."
"I was gonna take you to so many places. Barcelona. Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. You'll love it, fantastic place, they've got dogs with no noses!"
"You are a vampire who never knew what life was until it ran out in a big gush over your lips. "
"The world changes, we do not, there lies the irony that finally kills us. "
"Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves. "
"Goodnight sweet prince, may flights of devils wing you to your rest."
"There's still life in the old lady yet!"
"Perfect! Just perfect! Just burn the place! Burn everything we own! Have us sleeping in the field like cattle!"
"You thought you could have it all..."
"Oh, shut up, Louis!"
"Merciful death. How you love your precious guilt."
"Oh Louis, Louis. Still whining Louis. Have you heard enough? I've had to listen to that for centuries."
"I assume I need no introduction. "
"Evil is always possible. Goodness is a difficulty."
"Hell is hatred, people living together in eternal hatred. We are not in Hell."
"A singer can shatter a glass with the proper high note...But the simplest way for anyone to break it is simply to drop it on the floor."
"Come on, say it again. I'm a perfect devil. Tell me how bad I am. It makes me feel so good!"
"I can't help being a gorgeous fiend, it's just the card I drew!"
"I'm glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words."
"What about me? I saw the Fall of Troy. World War V, and now I'm gonna die in a dungeon. In Cardiff!"
"hhoho, brilliant! It's you! You're my favourite, you are, you're the best! You know why? Coz you're so thick! You're Mr Thick Thick Thickity Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania. And so's your dad!"
"Arthur?"
"Good name for a horse."
"No, your not keepin' the horse."
"I let you keep Mickey."
"So she got plans for being the queen then."
"No, they already got a queen. She got plans for being his mistress."
"Oooh. I get it. Camilla."
"That there comes a time, Time Lord, when every lonely little boy must learn how to dance."
"What do monsters have nightmares about?"
"Me!"
"Oh my God they're rats, dozens of rats, vacuum packed rats."
"And you decided to scream."
"It took me by surprise."
"Like a little girl."
"It was dark, I was covered in rats."
"Nine, maybe ten years old, I'm seeing pigtails, frilly skirt..."
"We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die."
"Everything looks good from here... (beat...playing with plastic dinosaurs over his console) Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive."
We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... 'This Land'."
I think we should call it...your grave!"
Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!"
I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month."
"If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot 'em. "
"Shoot 'em?"
"Politely."
"I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has lepers."
"Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?"
"I'm standing right here."
"You're coming through good and loud."
" 'Cause I'm standing right here."
"I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you. Drunks are so cute."
"Well they tell you: never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on occasion, hilarious."
"What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?"
"That it was manly and impulsive?"
"Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."
"And Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?"
"Time for some thrilling heroics."
"Do you know what the chain of command is here? It's the chain I go get and beat you with to show you who's in command."
"Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing!? Oh right, that would be me."
"It's a real burn, being right so often."
"You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?"
"Fought with a lot of people in the war."
"And your husband?"
"Fight with him sometimes, too."
"Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of."
"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."
"Planet's coming up a mite fast."
"That's just cause I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all."
"Well, that happens, let me know."
"You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?"
"I'll chip in."
"I can hurt you."
"Yessir, Captain Tight Pants."
"Okay, help me find our man; he's supposed to be older. Kind of stocky, wears a red sash crossways."
"Why does he do that?"
"Maybe he won the Miss Persephone pageant. Just help me look."
"I know him. And I think he's a psychotic lowlife."
"And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community."
"We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed. Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't."
"The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems."
"See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like."
"Surely is. Knew a man once who had a hole clean through his whole shoulder. Used to keep a spare hankie in there."
"Dear Diary...today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
"Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. Whaddya suppose that makes us?"
"Big damn heroes, sir."
"Ain't we just!"
"Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet: I will end you."
"If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."
"I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume I'm an evil, lecherous hump."
"No one's saying that, sir."
"Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly."
"Are you offering me a trade?"
"A trade!? Hell, it's theft! This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got."
"What I got? She has a name."
"So does this! I call it Vera."
"Well, my days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."
"See, Vera? Dress yourself up you get taken out somewhere fun."
"You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?"
"Which one do you figured tracked us?"
"The ugly one, sir."
"Could you be more specific?"
"Looks can be deceiving."
"Not as deceiving as a lowdown, dirty... deceiver."
"Patients were cynical and not responding and we couldn't bring 'em back-"
"They were cyanotic and not responsive."
"What about cortical electrodes?"
"Oh...We forgot 'em."
"Now all we need is a coupla patients."
"Corpses, actually. For this plan to work, River and I will have to be dead."
"I'm starting to like this plan."
"Can we find someplace with a beach?"
"Maybe a naked beach?"
"Oh well let's see...we killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and the Cap'n and Zoe are springin' the others got snatched by the feds."
"Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?"
"No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist."
"Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots. Shut up!"
"Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?"
"You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes."
"Okay, um, I'm lost. Uh, I'm angry, and I'm armed, so if you two have something that you need to work out --"
"Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity."
"Right. Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic."
"Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
"Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps."
"Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar."
"Do not fear me. Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony..."
"Thanks. Didn't know you were there."
"That's sort of the point. Stealth, you may have heard of it."
"You know, it ain't altogether wise, sneaking up on a man when he's handling his weapon."
"This distress call wouldn't be taking place in someone's pants, would it?"
"It sounds like the sort of thing this crew can handle. I can't guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but-"
"If they got guns, and brains at all..."
"They have guns."
"Everybody's got somebody...Wash, tell me I'm pretty..."
"Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."
" 'Cause I'm pretty?"
" 'Cause you're pretty."
"Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?"
"Will you wash it first?"
"Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?"
"Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up."
"I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it."
"How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious."
"Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
"We live in a space ship, dear."
"Yeah well, if she doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting."
"Define interesting."
"Oh god oh god we're all gonna die?"
"This is the captain. We have a...little problem with our engine sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then...explode."
"We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode."
"Fear's nothin' to be ashamed of, doctor."
"This isn't fear. This is anger."
"Well. Kinda hard to tell one from t'other, face like yours."
"Well I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider."
"Hmm. I'll keep a look out for that next time."
"Doctor, I'm taking your sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear to you, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears."
"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."
"You know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed. "
"You shoot me if they take me!" (sees Mal's gun pointed at his leg) "Well don't shoot me first!"
"I'll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly when I'm gettin' paid."
"Don't talk to the barkers, talk to the captains. Look the captain in the eye, know who you're dealin' with."
"Shouldna be so clean. It's a dead giveaway you don't belong, you always gotta be tidy. Don't pay anybody in advance. And don't ride in anything with a Capasan-38 engine, they fall right outta the sky."
"Cap'n didn't make them fugitives."
"But he coulda made 'em family. 'stead of keepin' Simon from seein' I was there. And I carried such a torch! And we coulda...goin' on a year now and I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!"
"Oh God! I can't know that!"
"I could stand to hear more."
"Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, 'cause I don't think that's ever gettin' old."
"No, not now that she's a...a killer woman, we oughtta be bringin' her tea and dumplings!"
"Dear Buddha: please bring me a pony, and a plastic rocket-"
"Captain Reynolds, I should tell you, so that you don't waste your time: you can't make me angry."
"Please. Spend an hour with him."
"Oh yeah, hidin' up the Shepherd's skirts, that's a manful scheme."
"You wanna run this ship?!"
"Yes!"
"Well y-...you can't!"
"She is starting to damage my calm."
"So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave."
"I'm a leaf on the wind...watch how I soar."
"Mal. Guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword. How weird is that?"
"My one regret in all of this, is never being with you."
"With me? You mean to say...sex?"
"I mean to say."
"Hell with this...I'm gonna live!"